Monday Morning Battle Royale

174 best images about Day/Monday on Pinterest | Mondays ...

Ah, Monday, my old enemy, we meet again.

Actually, you know why that cat is really depressed?

Because he just did an internet search and realised that, in China, he would be breakfast on a Monday.

Nonetheless, both you and the cat can feel better now, because yer very 'eavy, very 'umble servant is 'ere with the regular Great Mondaydact Browser Buster to 'elp you get through it.

And we start, appropriately enough, with some HALO news - because nothing suits the times better than a video game about fighting a galaxy-threatening infection that transforms people into mindless zombies that infect others rapidly.

So:

You know how to tell when a video game is going to be absolutely awesome?

When the whorenalists of the gaming (((media))) claim that it will be a "complete failure" if it doesn't include certain things that other similar genre-dominating games offer, even if the game in question LITERALLY REDEFINED that genre in the first place:



For those of you who aren't gamers, or who don't give a shit about multiplayer - that would be me - then you won't know what "battle royale mode" is.

It basically consists of a blend of survival and shooter elements. The idea is that everyone lands into a battlezone with the same initial set of weapons and then proceed to blast each other to bits. Each player has to scavenge weapons and ammo from those that they kill off. Last man (or woman) standing, wins.

This is what games like Battlegrounds and Fortnite greatly popularised. Pretty much every major game publisher jumped onto that bandwagon as fast as they could.

This is also EXACTLY WHAT HALO MULTIPLAYER DOES NOT LOOK LIKE.

The people who play HALO multiplayer religiously are not terribly interested in battle royale modes. They are interested in massive epic team-based slayer deathmatches and king-of-the-hill scenarios in giant sandboxes that give a feel of incredible scale, scope, and imagination.

The major problem with putting battle royale modes into games is that they actually aren't that popular. It turns out that only a tiny handful of games have managed to maintain a consistent interest in their battle royale modes - and pretty much every major publisher that created a game with that mode has seen the usage numbers for it tank within just a month or two of release.

That is because battle royale gaming is actually of very limited replay value. There is a tiny number of people in the world who are inordinately skilled at this game mode, and they absolutely dominate the competition, which makes playing that game mode quite miserable. Playing in ordinary team-based deathmatches, on the other hand, is loads of fun and allows people to play along with their friends, instead of against each other.

Guess which one is more popular with the average gamer?

Once again, the game-industry whorenalists have shot themselves in the ass.

***

His Most Illustrious, Noble, August, Benevolent, and Legendary Celestial Majesty, the God-Emperor of Mankind, Donaldus Triumphus Magnus Astra, the First of His Name, is, as we know by now, all over the COVID-19 crisis.

Indeed, you could say that he is... down with the sickness:



More than that, though - just a couple of days ago, he fired the very Inspector General who brought forth the complaint from the infamous "whistleblower", whose name we cannot mention (*eyerolls*), and thereby started off the shampeachment circus that distracted the entire country while the ChiComs were letting the Kung Flu get out of hand.

Contra public perception, the God-Emperor cannot simply declare martial law and use it to start breaking the Swamp directly. That requires full Congressional approval - as it should and must. The point of the American system is to safeguard against tyranny, not to make it easier for god-kings to rule over Americans. (Admittedly, the American system's performance in this regard has been quite poor by any halfway objective measure for the past 150 years.)

But, if you compare where we are today with what QAnon publicly stated were the God-Emperor's goals two years ago, then if you are fair-minded about it, you would have to admit that Q has been more right than wrong, and that the God-Emperor has fundamentally changed American politics in ways that we don't fully understand yet and probably won't until long after he leaves office:

Objective #1: Stop the Human Trafficking.
This goal has been underway full speed since day 1. With deadly efficiency, no mercy and special forces. Under the radar and below the public news cycle.


Objective #2: Weaponize MIL-INTEL Against Them.
This plan has been underway since Inauguration Day. Trump visited CIA HQ on his first full day in office. Obama's secret pardons require post-2016 crimes.


Objective #3: Remove Rogue Nukes & Comms.
Think North Korea nuke mountain collapse 2017. Think Iran. Syria. Ukraine. Venezuela. Pakistan. Think Subs. Missiles. CERN. EMP & SATCOMs.


Objective #4: Secure Senate & Supreme Court.
McCain. Flake. Corker = no real GOP majority. Kennedy. Roberts = no real conservative court. Senate and SC solved with real majority 11.18.


Objective #5: Form a Trusted Global Alliance
Think fall of Saudi Arabia in Oct 2017. Think Xi. Abe. Moon & Kim in Nov 2017. Think Putin. Brazil. Italy. Mexico, etc... 2018.


Objective #6: Strengthen US Military/Economy
Military completely funded through all of 2019. Tax cuts and low interest puts normies at ease. Caravans. Gangs. Antifa pretext for Martial Law. [Note: Corona-chan will serve much better and has already been implemented in Hungary - VD]


Objective #7: Expose Media & Social Giants
Think advent of QAnon and Trump's Twitter. Showcase media hypocrisy day after day. Showcase social media censorship daily.


Objective #8: Voter Fraud & Voter ID.
Let "them" repeat crimes in 2018 midterms. Build iron-clad cases with obvious verified fraud. Use fraud evidence as pretext for 2020 voter ID.


Objective #9: Control Financial System.
Force Queen. Macron. May. Merkel to submit. Force alliance to hand over SWIFT encryption keys. Force FED restructure & pardon all intra-gov debt. [Note: again, Corona-chan has proven useful in this regard. - VD]


Objective #10: Remove & Arrest Cabalists.
Pick off 1 or 2 "old guard" each month with "deaths". Pick off 100-200 "CEO's" each month with "MeToo". Pick off 10K-20K "suddenly" when "Storm is Upon Us."



QAnon's commentary is often dismissed as nonsense and conspiracy lunacy. But the fact remains that he has been proven right repeatedly in broad strokes, even when specific detailed predictions fail to match up against reality.

The message, as ever, is: trust in the God-Emperor. Pray for him, because there is no doubt any longer that he has been chosen specifically to lead America by a Power that is far beyond our mere mortal comprehension. Fawed and Fallen though he is, he has repeatedly shown that he will do the right thing for the American people, even at great personal and political cost.

***

#BasedTucker is based:









***

Turns out, some of the Aussies are pretty based too:







***

Mark Dice asks the same question that the rest of us desperately want to - which is whether or not Sleepy Creepy Grandpa Joe Biden will even be ALIVE at the time of the Daemoncratic National Convention:



And, like the rest of us, he's utterly disgusted by the Daemoncrats second-guessing the God-Emperor:



***

Bill Whittle takes NYFC's socialist mayor to task for his threat to shut down churches in the midst of the Corona-chan panic:



John Ringo's explication of the "red vs blue" responses in his superb novel The Last Centurion is playing out before our very eyes.

***

Dave from Blue Collar Logic has plenty of said logic to give us with regard to some of the downright stupid things that the "experts" are telling us:



And Jason talks about how the whorenalists of the lying (((media))) have suddenly fallen out of love with the idea of "hope" as a palliative from the President:



***

Lots of stuff from The Male Brain this week, starting with an illustration of what happens when you put women in charge of things - starring none other than Gordon Ramsay:



Onward with something that literally nobody cares about right now, which is to say - the myth of "anthropogenic global warming" - but that doesn't mean that we shouldn't push back on the idiots who keep telling us that we're all going to DIEEEEE!!! under scorching skies and melted ice:





And to think, it only took an economy-destroying, border-shutting, old-fart-killing plague to make everyone sit up and take notice of what actually matters in life. Whodathunkit?!?!

This next one manages to combine the silliness of global warming with the epicness of those Hitler rant memes:



I was genuinely saddened when Bruno Ganz passed away a little over a year ago. He really was a great actor - and a highly underappreciated one.

***

It appears as though the Great Mondaydact Browser Crash has gotten something of a following among the community of readers, for I've had a number of very funny reader contributions coming in to this compilation.

Post Alley Crackpot - our resident poet-laureate, no less - has a whole bunch of cool stuff to add this week. We start with a song to help the quasi-post-apocalypse go down a bit better:



PAC also asked if I have advised my clients to go long guns and tinned beans - which, in fact, I actually have:



That's not a joke, by the way. I specifically wrote to my friend Kyle Trouble the other day when he asked me for my views about cryptocurrency and gold, and I told him that you can never, ever go wrong by going long gold, guns, and ammo.

And of course, in these difficult times, we turn to our great prophets to show us the way - such as the Great Cornholio:



To be honest, I never was a Beavis & Butthead fan, for a long list of reasons. But that one snippet is indeed a sign for our times.

***

The good folks at China Uncensored point out that China's authoritarian impulses are what allowed Corona-chan to spread in the first place, and are probably not a good response to the problem that they caused:



Let's be really clear about this one fact.

You CANNOT trust China. Not the government, certainly - but not really the people, either.

Individual Chinese people are good folks, by and large. But as a community, they operate by their own rules and have little, if any, respect for the norms and values of Westerners. Do not make the mistake of believing that they will simply lose their Chinese ways and become Westerners just by landing on Western soil.

I've personally observed Chinese patterns of behaviour show up in people four generations removed from the point where they arrived on Western soil. There is simply no reason to believe that they will suddenly Westernise and become freedom-loving advocates of democracy and bedrock Western values overnight. It DOES NOT HAPPEN.

It's also becoming very clear that the degree to which the Red Chinese are willing and able to lie, is astonishing to behold:



A good rule of thumb with China is: whatever bullshit they tell you, if it's good news, divide it by a factor of ten, and if it's bad news, multiply it by ten.

So if the Chinese say that "only" 3,200 people died and 82,000 were infected - in reality, at least 32,000 died and 820,000 were infected.

That is far more reasonable.

***

PJW is putting his time in self-isolation and quarantine to good use by analysing how various countries and peoples around the world are observing common-sense and sensible measures



***

You really can't flog the Mogg - and he, in turn, is more than capable of beating the crap out of Scotsmen when he wants to:



***

Jared Taylor from American Renaissance asks an important question about who we can trust during this time of crisis:



***

Terrence Popp has a great video dedicated to the healthcare professionals doing their absolute best to keep people alive as Corona-chan scythes through the world:



***

El Razorfist is back, finally, with a video explaining that we have nothing to fear but fear itself:



His Razorbladeness is absolutely right that ultimately, government IS NOT going to solve this crisis. This disaster was CAUSED by government - specifically, the government of the People's Republic of China. It has been made infinitely worse by

***

Midnight's Edge reacts to the news that Ghostbusters Afterlife has been pushed back by a year - and considers that to be a good thing (as I do):



***

Gary from Nerdrotic is even less impressed than I was about that idiotic Gotham High idea:



***

The Drinker tried, and failed, to watch Alien: Covenant recently, and explained exactly why he failed in his signature drunken style:



***

Overlord Dicktor Von Doomcock analyses the results of the new STAR WARS: High Republic bullshit that the Devil Mouse is putting out, and is deeply unimpressed by the addition of yet more estrogen to the mix:



***

Indeed, the Devil Mouse Trilogy in general, and The Fall of Skywalker in particular, was so bad that even its stars couldn't defend it:

;

***

Here's your "Science is F***ING WEIRD" moment of the week:

A peculiar form of bacteria discovered on the floor of the deepest ocean layer has been found to have a strange metabolism unlike anything that has ever been encountered before.

A team of German researchers say the microorganism has the extraordinary ability to survive on organic and inorganic substances alike, without needing oxygen.

The bug, known as Acetobacterium woodii, has chosen peculiar living arrangements, making its home in hydrothermal vents and in the intestines of termites.

Its ability to create and use hydrogen and carbon dioxide to produce energy all on its own makes it unique, even among microorganisms. However, scientists had long suspected that something like this existed.

***

Your long read of the week concerns the rampant fraud and abuse at the very heart of Wall Street that has worked with Corona-chan's spread to destroy the financial markets:

Banks, politicians and governments will scapegoat Covid-19 to shift the blame for over 30 years of fiscal profligacy, loose monetary policies, fraud, and the lack of any proper regulatory enforcement away from themselves and onto anything or anyone else. Eventually, taxes will skyrocket to pay for these opaque bailouts, reckless spending policies, and record low interest rates during the past three decades.

Covid-19 presents an easy way to assign blame while forcing through “emergency legislation” allowing big government to implement 1984-style draconian social controls that will impinge and dismantle personal freedoms, liberties and democratic principles as they fleece taxpayers – again. If you think the 2008 recession and bailouts were bad, wait until you see how the greatest economic depression in history plays out.

This bubble has only begun to pop, and there are many more shoes to drop from this centipede before prices hit bottom. The downside will be significantly worse than the upside. Until leverage, valuations and corporate debt return to reasonable levels, stay clear. When these events do happen, we will see once-in-a-lifetime opportunities to create wealth.

The two most important lessons I learned from my 40 years in international financial markets, lessons that can also be applied to politics and to life in general, are to never make any decision based on emotion or ideology and to never, ever trust the news. Today’s media are exponentially worse than they were in the 1980s and 1990s. They no longer provide news. What they provide are stories that are around 80 percent ideology and opinion,10 percent lies and spin, and 10 percent fact.


Every single one of the author's points is absolutely, 100%, spot-on.

I worked on Wall Street - literally - for 6.5 years. I saw firsthand the corruption and madness of the system. There are a lot of really good people still caught up in that system, doing what they believe to be good work for good pay. But in reality, they simply serve Mammon, as I did for a long time. I'm glad I am no longer in that system.

The fact is that the Federal Reserve is NOT a government institution. It is in fact a privately-owned bank that pretends to operate independently from Wall Street's interest, and the interests of the US Federal government. These are lies, and an entire financial markets system has been built on a foundation of nothing but lies.

The problem with a system built on lies is that it doesn't really take a whole lot of stress fractures, caused by getting hit hard with real-world events, to cause the entire edifice to come crashing down.

And that's exactly what we are seeing. right now, in real time.

***

Linkage is good for you:
And a few from Dawn Pine as well:
***

The Neo-Tsar has some quite interesting things to say about the various opposition parties in Russia:



Let's be very clear about one thing: there is no democracy in Russia. It does not exist. And you can see, when Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin leans forward with that pants-shittingly intense stare of his at around the 2:47 mark, that he has absolutely no intention of ever permitting real democracy in Russia.

Why?

Because he understands what most Westerners do not.

That is, he understands that democracy has no place in a country where god-kings and emperors have ruled for a thousand years.

The Russian people understand only a single ruler, or tsar, who issues edicts and commands through his boyars, or nobles. That is, in fact, precisely the system that operates in Russia today. It's just not stated outright as such, but that's what it is. The President rules through the Duma, which rubber-stamps many of his decisions, and then the regional governors and mayors carry out his edicts.

That being said... You can also see that Putin understands, in a very pragmatic way, that this is the only system that can work in Russia, and that he understands the Russian people. He is not interested in the kind of ridiculous posturing and pretense that Western "democracies" put into place about "listening to the people" - which, let's be honest, very few democracies actually do.

In reality, most democracies consist of a professional political class that happily and regularly flouts the will of the people in order to preserve its own power.

You can accuse ВВП of a lot of nasty things - and he has, in fact, done many of them. But one thing that you cannot accuse him of, is ignoring the will of his own people. He understands his people because he is ONE OF THEM. He grew up on the tough streets of Leningrad back in the days of the Soviet Union. He saw the collapse of Russia's power and prestige and the twenty-year economic nightmare that followed, which destroyed an entire generation of his people. And he refuses to go back to those days.

You can also see why Putin is easily one of the most terrifying leaders in the world right now. You can see the intensity of his stare and the power of his body language when he leans forward. This is not a man that you want to cross or disobey. It is obvious that he enforces loyalty through both reward and brutal punishment.

He is, quite simply, a true Dark Triad Alpha - an extremely competent and effective one, and a genuinely terrifying one as well.

He is, in other words, the kind of ruler that Russia needs, wants, and understands - even if the people don't like him very much.

***

History lessons of the week:







***

You might be cool, but you'll never be as cool as Sean Bean, who used to fire replica muskets at make-believe Frogs as Richard Sharpe on TV, firing real muskets used against Napoleon's Le Grande Armee:



***

Kitchen nightmares with an angry Scotsman:



A lot of you have plenty of time to practice your culinary skills - as I do, right now - and you can't go wrong by taking some advice from the very best in the business:



***

Wazzocks gonna wazzock:







That last video is absolutely hysterical. Hammond's wife basically performs exactly the same role that his mates do. He simply NEVER gets a respite from the mockery from his peers. Poor guy...

***

Comedy hour this week is courtesy of Batdad - if you haven't seen these videos, they are a hoot and a half:





***

Pics, guns, girls, starting with some from Dawn Pine:



This next howler is the very definition of poetic irony:


And a few more to boot:





Back in Ozzy Osbourne's day, if you bit into a bat, you damned well had to go get rabies shots and you became a figure of instant notoriety and a pariah in normal society for decades afterwards.

Among the Chinese, evidently that's just what they call "lunch".

We've got a few from Post Alley Crackpot as well, starting with a corrected version of the headline meme from last week's browser-buster:



And here's who to blame for the boobies crisis:



This next one is just... well, see for yourself:



I do believe there is a point when memes get a little too meta.

Onward and upward - or downward, depending on your perspective on these things:















Actually, that shit has ALREADY happened - in India, of all places.















Holy shit but the God-Emperor's wife is hot!!!



MOST LEGENDARY GOD-EMPEROR, MAKE IT SO!!!











And most of my readers, too.





Once again, Common Core maths.

Headlines of the week are so insane this time, I'm not even going to try to add my own snarky takes on them:





That's an absolutely real headline. I saw it and promptly roared with laughter.







Malaysian women promptly exploded with indignation - thereby precisely proving the government's point.





Yep... the next generational cohort are absolutely going to be called "The Coronials".













Da Vinci's The Last Supper, reimagined for modern times:





I recently re-watched Star Trek Into Darkness, simply because I needed something to watch while performing a bloody boring bodyweight workout. If you've ever wondered what it would be like if redshirts made a Trek movie... wonder no longer, because that, right there, is it - a totally expendable pile of shite that everybody hated.

Honestly, they should have just called it: Wesley Crusher Trek.

















***

Your dog of the week is the gigantic (and frankly somewhat terrifying) American molossus:

World's biggest puppy in Utah stands six feet tall | Daily ...

***

Gym beasts Eddie Hall and Brian Shaw are moving from strongman to bodybuilding, at least temporarily:



That should be an absolute laff riot. Those two are living exemplars of the phrase, "gentle giant" - but they're also absolute clowns.

***

Buakaw Beatdown of the Week:



***

Before we get to the metal - here's one for the gamers among us:



"BADASS" doesn't even begin to cover that cover.

***

#HeartsOfSteel





















***

And finally here's your Instathot for the week. Her name is Olga Mikhalyuk (Ольга Михалюк), age 26 from Ukraine. Yes, I figured it's high time we bring back some Slavic goodness to this corner of the world, especially since the Slavs themselves seem to have figured out how to keep Corona-chan from rampaging out of control.

All right, that's about enough jawin'. Up off yer lazy behinds, chaps, and off to work - or, if you're stuck at home due to shelter-in-place or quarantine orders, off to do something productive.

Above all else - stay positive, have faith, and do not let yourself be overwhelmed by negativity. We're going to get through this, and we'll come out the other side in good shape once the emergency passes, as long as we keep our wits about us.



















Comments

  1. better watch out, Mark Steyn is trying to horn in on your instathot action:

    https://www.steynonline.com/pics/3467.jpg

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, I remember seeing that same picture in a story from RT. The thot in question is one Yulia Ushakova, a former hockey presenter on Russian TV. Ol' Steyn there is a bit late to the party, though; Ms Ushakova has already featured in one of my past Mondaydact Browser Killers.

      Delete
  2. You know, if GE Trump did order the Washington Post and New York Times to start manufacturing TP, would they actually have to change anything besides the packaging?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nothing at all - that's what makes it such a splendid idea )))

      Delete
    2. Post Alley Crackpot9 April 2020 at 08:26

      "... would they actually have to change anything besides the packaging?"

      User-friendly perforations.

      Otherwise, they can try the improvements out with the editorial staff, because every one of them is absolutely full of shit.

      Delete
  3. Girls with guns are all top notch. The god of Yandex has blessed you with good search results.

    Online story mode co-op is underrated and it should come back. On top of the myriad of stupid decisions, mandatory online presence for SINGLE player mode has to be one of the most retarded things I have seen. Lootboxes and mega ultra super deluxe gold editions seem to be the norm for some developers on top of this shit. Lets see what else they will try to shove down our asses.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Girls with guns are all top notch. The god of Yandex has blessed you with good search results.

      Hell yeah, bro. Them Russkies have an eye for beauty - not surprising, given that their women are, for my money, the most beautiful anywhere.

      Lets see what else they will try to shove down our asses.

      Ewwww...

      I agree with you about online co-op though. While I've never, ever been a co-op gamer, the appeal of playing with your friends either in person or online is tremendous - it's one of the things that the original HALO did extremely well, along with every other installment of the franchise up until HALO 5: Guardians - the shitty one.

      If 343i or, much more likely, Microsoft make the mistake of getting rid of cooperative play features, then they absolutely deserve to get shat upon by the entire fanbase. HALO needs to go back to being an innovative, immersive, addictive FPS experience, and the best way to do that is to put both online AND physical co-op play back in the game.

      As for the lootboxes and DLC nonsense that has infested the gaming industry - that is a classic sign that the industry is out of ideas. They are essentially finding ways to raise prices to make up for collapsing sales.

      Every time a big gaming franchise goes down the micro-transactions/DLC/sooper-dooper-amazeballs-speshul-edishun nonsense, you know it's run out of ideas under the current development and writing teams. Which, unfortunately, is precisely what happened with H5:G.

      Delete
  4. Thanks for the Hell March Cover. That made my Monday.

    ReplyDelete

Post a comment

NO ANONYMOUS COMMENTS. ALL ANONYMOUS COMMENTS WILL BE DELETED.
Contact the Didact: mantlesapproach@gmail.com

Popular Posts