Clown Car Crash Wars

Let's take a break from all of the gloom, doom, fear, uncertainty, and doubt about Corona-chan's spread, and turn our attention to the cinematic disaster that was STAR WARS Episode IX: The Fall of Skywalker:



I have never seen The Last Blunder or The Fall of Skywalker. I was so thoroughly disgusted by The Force Hits the Snooze Button that I simply refused to watch anything more from the Devil Mouse's take on George Lucas's legendary vision.

It appears that I made the right decision.

A few months ago I did a podcast called The Destruction of Star Wars in which I pointed out that the fact that the film ends with Rey adopting the mantle of Skywalker is an outright Satanic inversion. I was outraged by what the Devil Mouse had done to the franchise - without ever seeing the film, or witnessing the scene in which Rey proclaims that her last name is "Skywalker".

Now I have seen it. And I can see that the rage and disgust felt by millions of fans who saw the same thing, were totally and completely justified. That scene alone is enough to make any fan's blood absolutely boil.

In fact, Devil Mouse Wars IX was so appallingly bad, that even the Honest Trailer twerps couldn't make it look or sound good, so they really were HONEST for a change and simply let the film's awfulness speak for itself:



There can be no question that this franchise, beloved to so many hundreds of millions of people the world over, is DEAD. And it was killed off by a soulless greedy corporation that has long since forgotten the sense of childlike wonder and happiness that can be derived from telling timeless stories with great visuals to back them up.

There was a time when you could trust the Disney Corporation to do right by a great story. That time pretty much ended about thirty years ago, and ever since then, the people at Disney have simply been on an acquisition spree, buying up as many companies as they possibly can in order to mask the artistic and, more importantly, moral vacuum at the heart of their own business.

In the meantime, now that much of the world is on lockdown, we might as well spend some good times watching the classic trilogy, and even possibly the prequels, simply because there is nothing that makes JAR JAR BLOODY BINKS look good than watching Rose Tico's stupid useless fat face in The Last Straw trying to form stupid useless fatuous words.

All of that being said... there is simply no denying the fact that lightsabers are BADASSITDUE SQUARED.

To demonstrate this fact - and it is absolutely, undeniably, 100% AN IRREFUTABLE FACT OF LIFE - let's see what happens when you put lightsabers into The Lord of the Rings:



There, you see? Badass beyond belief.

Comments

  1. And it was killed off by a soulless greedy corporation


    uh, greed had nothing to do with it.

    Narcissism and Delusions of Grandeur and assumptions that "How hard can it be? A witless white European male hack like George made billions with this. I am all powerful Wahmen, hear me roar!" had a lot to do with it.

    that and the fact that Iger is a grabbler who wouldn't know a good story if it bit him on the ass.

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