Monday morning Ragnarok roundup


Hail and kill on this miserable Monday, fellow einherjar. I realise that some of you had a great weekend, carousing with valkyrja and guzzling mead like it's going out of fashion, and are therefore in the process of working off a jotun-sized hangover, but most of you are looking at this day wide awake with a sense of dread.

Fortunately, your good friend the Didact is here with the regular Great Mondaydact Browser Crash to give you a reason to live.

Now, some of you might know that I've got a thing for Norse mythology. I have always enjoyed reading the Scandinavian myths and legends. These legends are not happy or upbeat; they are harsh, brutal, and dark. And that is a reflection of the character of the people who populated those lands - which were cold, unforgiving, and deeply unpleasant for at least four months of the year.

So here are some of those stories to make your Monday a little bit less bleak, especially given that we are very much into winter right now, in the northern hemisphere anyway.

Here is everything you ever wanted to know about the Midgard Serpent, Jormungandr:



And if you want to know why the Vikings had by far the most badass endtimes story of all cultures, ever, then take a look at how they believed the end of all things would take place:



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You may be badass, but are you as badass as this Swedish chick who kicked an actual WOLF in the BALLS?!?:



And here I thought that Sweden was completely and totally FUBARd... Yet, the most cucked of the Scandicuck nations still produces women who can do THAT.

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#BasedTucker is based:



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Our blue-collar friends take on the latest bit of drivel from Alexandria Occasional-Cortex, and are decidedly unimpressed:



What's the nicest thing that you can say about AOC? Well, as one of my readers put it: she has a nice rack.

The problem is that the moment she opens that mouth on her horse-face, and starts speaking in that ridiculous little-girl voice of hers, she ruins it all.

More from the same guys about Touchy Joe Biden:



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Paul Ramsey has some good stuff to add about the shampeachment of the God-Emperor:



I categorically disagree with him that the God-Emperor has governed more or less like a liberal. It must be remembered clearly that His Celestial Majesty has kept America out of foreign wars, and that his own budget priorities indicate a very strong preference for lower spending in all areas not related to infrastructure and defence. It is not his fault that Congress won't do its damned job and pass an actual freakin' budget.

In that respect, Paul Ramsey is not only misinformed, he is disingenuous.

Also - girls with guns are loads of fun, but should they be conservative role models?



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Our friend El Razorfist explains precisely why the House's impeachment of the God-Emperor is such a colossally stupid idea - I mean, other than the self-evident and obvious reasons:



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The Neo-Tsar sat for four hours (!!!!!) and answered questions from various members of the press corps over in the Great Frozen North that is Russia recently, and he had some rather interesting things to say about one of Russia's most important (in a bad way) historical figures:



It bears repeating, as often as possible, that Vladimir Putin is not a good man. He does not pretend to be, either. He is an emperor. He acts like an emperor. He is certainly as rich as an emperor. But, unlike many previous Russian emperors, he does do things that are in the best interests of his nation and empire.

And unlike many previous Russian emperors and Communist Party Chairmen, he recognises that there do need to be certain limits imposed upon his power - even if those limits are more window-dressing than anything else, and even if those limits are designed mostly to defang his successors than to prevent him from doing what he feels is necessary.

Nonetheless, regardless of what you and I might think of him, there is no getting past the fact that he is an exceptionally knowledgeable, historically aware, skilled and competent statesman and leader - and, as I pointed out last week, an ALPHA among Alphas.

There are only two other world leaders that can compare favourably with him. One is, of course, His Most Illustrious, Benevolent, August, Noble, and Legendary Celestial Majesty, the God-Emperor of Mankind, Donaldus Triumphus Magnus Astra, the First of His Name.

The other is Xinnie-the-Pooh, the Emperor of China. And make no mistake, Xi Jinping is a huge threat to Western traditions and norms of governance. He was considered by Lee Kuan Yew to be essentially China's Nelson Mandela - a leader of such transformative stature that he would remake China in his own image. And that is precisely what he is doing.

What you are seeing around the world is actually a return to old norms. The Russians are switching back to a Tsarist, centralised form of governance after a hundred years of experimenting with Communism and democracy. The Chinese are switching back to an imperial centralised system that they never really lost in the first place, but they preserved the illusions of term limits mostly for the sake of appearances.

As for America... well, as I have pointed out several times before, what you are witnessing is the first real attempts by the people to take back power from the aristocracy, similar to the way that the Gracchi operated against the Republic. It took over a hundred years before a Caesar came along to complete the task and transform the Republic from a de facto empire into a de jure one.

What you are also witnessing is an empire in its terminal stages of decline. It's sort of like watching the final days of the Roman Republic combined with the Crisis of the 2nd Century all playing out simultaneously.

Related - the Neo-Tsar also has some very based thoughts to add about the ongoing shampeachment and its impact on Russo-American relations:



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Bill Whittle has an excellent point to make about the literally Satanic inversion that takes place right at the end of STAR WARS IX: The Fall of Skywalker:



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The Drinker had a look at The Fall of Skywalker - and absolutely HATED it:



The whole thing was so bad that he had to split his review into two parts:



If you haven't also listened to my podcast from yesterday, give it a go. The Drinker has far more tolerance for extreme stupidity than I do, so he actually sat and watched the whole damned movie, but his evisceration of the plot's many failures and stupidities is far more effective than mine for that exact reason.

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I have two long reads for you this week. Both concern the latest oeuvre in the Devil Mouse Wars saga.

The first comes from Cataline Sergius, the Dark Herald, and this is excerpted from the end of it:

Now I accept that trying to fix the Rian Johnson’s godawful disaster was akin to one of the impossible tasks of Hercules. It wasn’t just a mess, it was a complete franchise destroying train wreck. Letting that Gamma wonder have free reign, rightfully earned Kathleen Kennedy the seething hatred of an outraged fanbase. Roundhead Rian destroyed forty years of universe building in the name of SJWism.

Johnson had handed his successor the problem of having to make the third act of a story when he himself stuffed the third act into his own bloated monster of a film.

Abrams was taking on an impossible task in trying to salvage this trilogy and he failed completely. There is nothing that approaches a coherent narrative in this movie.

In truth, no one could have done it. The smart thing would have been to declare the Rey saga over with The Last Jedi and start a new set of films a hundred years into the future. But Disney couldn’t do that. They were over-committed to pursuing a disaster. And what made it folly was that everyone at Disney knew that was what they were doing but they couldn’t make themselves do anything else.

Like I said, no one could have saved because there is no way to successfully polish a turd. But J.J Abrams cinematic buffoonery actually managed to make a terrible situation that much worse. Rian Johnson destroyed Luke Skywalker’s story and then Abrams destroyed Anakin Skywalker’s story by hand waving the Emperor back to life, thus negating his entire story of fall and redemption.

The Rise of Skywalker is like cotton candy. It looks amazing and smells tasty but if you bite into it there is nothing there but empty space and sugary grit.


He absolutely HATED the film, and I am not the least bit surprised about that fact, because before I read his review of the film, I read Trevor Lynch's over at The Unz Review, and he was, if anything, even harsher:

Even I didn’t expect Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker to be this bad. It is simply a terrible movie: derivative, incoherent, arbitrary, superficial, and deeply boring and uninvolving—despite, or maybe because of, the frenetic action sequences, dazzling duels, and effects so special they’ll leave carbon scoring on your eyeballs.

The Rise of Skywalker is 2 hours, 22 minutes long, which is long enough, but it feels even longer. I saw it in a half-empty theatre, and when Harrison Ford showed up on the screen, a whole row of people began streaming toward the exits. It would have been the last straw for me too, but I had my duty to you, dear reader, to sustain me.

There’s no way to “spoil” a movie this bad, thus I am going to give a running summary of the plot. So if you don’t want to hear it, now is the time to angle your deflector screens and warp on out of here, or whatever.

The Rise of Skywalker is the third installment of Disney’s Star Wars sequel trilogy. The die was cast in the first installment, The Force Awakens, directed by Jar Jar Abrams. Instead of coming up with original stories and a new cast of characters, Abrams and Disney decided to do something calculated, cynical, and easy: milk nostalgia for the original trilogy by bringing back the main cast (Mark Hamill, Carrie Fisher, Harrison Ford, the droids, the walking carpet) and shooting a derivative remake of the original Star Wars and parts of The Empire Strikes Back (see my review here), but this time as an inept farce. Somehow the rebellion has been defeated and a new empire has risen, turning the victory of the first trilogy into defeat and all their striving into naught. And instead of a male hero, this time we have a Mary Sue, Daisey Ridley’s Rey, who takes to the lead like a fish to a bicycle.

Since Star Wars fans are not exactly the most mature and discerning cinephiles, they squealed, grunted, and buried their noses in this slop while Disney rubbed their hands together in glee and raked in untold millions of shekels.

The second installment, The Last Jedi, directed by Rian Johnson, continued in the same vein, with point by point, sometimes shot-by-shot retreads of The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi. (See my review here). But this time the director’s cynicism and contempt for the story and the fans were so transparent that he provoked a rebellion.

There were many objections: Luke throws away his lightsaber, Luke dies, Leia can suddenly do Force magic, Supreme Leader Snoke is killed off, Rey’s parents are nobodies, etc. Some of these objections may be silly. (Imagine actually caring about non-entities like Snoke and Rey.) But Star Wars fans were awakening to the fact that Disney was exploiting them and holding them in contempt while taking their money.

This gave the impetus—and Gamergate provided the template—for the great Star Wars boycott of 2018 that tanked the movie Solo. (See my review here). As we shall see, The Rise of Skywalker does attempt to placate at least some of the more superficial critics of The Last Jedi.


Both reviews are worth reading because they make it very clear that this film isn't merely bad. It is pure Satanic inversion.

If you watched the video above from Bill Whittle, or if you listened to my podcast from yesterday, or if you were paying any attention at all during the ending of the movie, you will understand exactly why.

Rey is now established in canon as Palpatine's granddaughter - never mind that there is NO EXPLANATION WHATSOEVER for the way in which he managed to survive the COMPLETE AND TOTAL ASSPLOSION of Death Star II over the forest moon of Endor.

Nor is there any explanation of how, exactly, a massive piece of Death Star II managed to crash into the forest moon of Endor without, y'know, destroying the entire moon, since the piece of the space battle station that smashes into it is enormous, far larger than the supposed Chixculub planet-killer that smashed into Earth.

And there is no explanation for how Palpatine managed to sire either a son or a daughter to give Rey the direct lineage necessary to be his granddaughter.

Yet, there she is, established as her granddaughter. And at the end of the film, she takes on the moniker of Skywalker.

So, as Bill pointed out, the direct lineal descendant of good - Luke Skywalker - has been erased as the redeemer and Messiah, and now the direct lineal descendant of evil - Rey - has taken his place.

THIS. IS. SATANIC. That's all there is to it.

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Midnight's Edge has some very interesting things to say about the way in which Joaquin Phoenix's portrayal of the Joker simply destroyed any hope that Jared Leto had of retaining the role, and yet managed to simultaneously honour and move beyond Heath Ledger's immortal take on the same:



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Divorce lawyers give some valuable advice about how NOT to end up using their services:



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The world around you is full of death - especially in the desert:



And in the forest:



Related - GOD but I hate spiders:



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I am decidedly not a fan of nu-metal, so normally I can't bloody stand anything done by PAPA ROACH or their contemporaries.

But, I have to admit, this take on THE HU's excellent song, "Wolf Totem", is pretty badass:



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Tom Cruise may well be Cuckoo-for-Cocoa-Puffs when it comes to his religious beliefs, but boy can he play a character role when he wants to. Remember his movie-stealing turn as Les Grossman in Tropic Thunder?





And actually, once you get him away from the world of gibbering lunacy that is Scientology, he's a really cool dude - or at least, he acts like a really cool dude:



All I can say is that I can't wait for TOP GUN: Maverick next year. I think it's going to be brilliant, because of this:



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Speaking of funny actors - as Dire Badger pointed out in a comment to last week's Mondaydact Browser Crash, the upcoming Devil Mouse film Free Guy might actually be worth a look, if only because of the possibly vampiric Ryan Reynolds:





He's also kind of a goofball, especially when wishing Huge Jacked Man a happy birthday:



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If you've never read the classic alternate-timeline one-shot graphic novel, Superman: Red Son, then it's really worth reading. It looks like the DCAU adaptation is going to be pretty damned good too:



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Not like we needed any more evidence, but the Universe is WEIRD:



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We've got some stuff here from The Male Brain this week, though not as much as usual since it's Hanukkah season in Israel right now, so he's been busy.

This is what various beloved cultural touchstones would look like if they were redone by Jews for Jewish holidays like Hanukkah and Passover:











The take on The Lion King is simply hysterical.

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Also from Dawn Pine - there are some useful lessons for Christians that can be drawn from Jewish history, particularly when it comes to the Maccabees:



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Linkage is good for you:
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Your history lessons of the week:





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Comedy time, guaranteed to offend:









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Wazzocks gonna wazzock:







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Pics, girls, guns:

20+ Memes About Jared Leto Not Happy With The New “Joker ...

For the next one, let's play a guessing game.

Guess where this picture comes from:

This incredible photo showing a tarantula hawk wasp dragging a huntsman spider has gone viral online

It consists of a tarantula wasp carrying a huntsman spider off to serve as a live meal for its egg when it hatches.

And if you guessed that it was taken in Australia... you were right.

OK, once more with feeling, boys:

EVERYTHING IN AUSTRALIA WANTS TO KILL YOU AND EAT YOUR EYEBALLS FOR JUJUBIS!!!

































There will come a day when these Jeffrey Epstein memes will no longer be funny.

This is still not that day.



I've got to do a podcast about libertoonianism sometime soon...





WAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!



OK, that's it - FREE HELICOPTER RIDES for anyone who advocates this Satanic evil about trans kids!





Time for some headlines, and it looks like Floriduh Man has gone into winter hibernation...:



Then again, there may be some evidence that Floriduh Man has simply turned to thievery in order to keep warm...

Your "Vegans Are Stupid" headline of the week:



Your "Call the Inquisition!!!" headline of the week:



Your "SLAYYYYYYERRRRRR!!!" headline of the week:



Your "Fapping is Bad for You" headline of the week:



Your "Mother Nature is a Heartless Bitch" headline of the week:





TESTIFIED.







What Thor wants, HE GETS.



DIE HARD is a Christmas movie. THERE IS NO DEBATE ABOUT THIS.



See? I told you so.



Huh. Come to think of it... That's true.







Girls with guns time, and if the calibre of the chicks this time around seems higher than usual, you can thank the Russians for that.

Seriously, if you want to look at pictures of beautiful things - not just of beautiful women, but things in general - just switch to using Yandex image search.












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Your dog of the week is the Wire Fox Terrier:



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Gym idiots time - sorry boys - and once again we turn to the Trap Lord, who has managed to combine a gym idiot and a major martial arts FAIL into one video:



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And here is your gym BEAST of the week to make it all better:



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Conor Macgregor's reputation has taken an absolute BEATING over the past several months, ever since the Khabib fight, and most of that damage was self-inflicted. But it would appear that he is doing what great champions do:'



He has owned up to his very real failures of character and integrity. He has vowed to stage a comeback. He has humbly and contritely admitted that he was at fault, and he wants to come back and do the right thing again.

He's still acting like an asshat on social media, refusing to believe, at least on those platforms, that he is no longer the driving force of the UFC that he once was. But at least he is looking to come back the right way, the hard way, through the murderers' row that is the lightweight division.

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Your Buakaw Beatdown of the Week arrives just in time for Christmas:



Imagine getting hit with a baseball bat in your lower legs and floating ribs. Now imagine that happening over and over again in the course of 9 minutes of Hell on Earth. Now imagine enduring that while also repeatedly getting hit in the face by a piledriver. And now imagine having to deal with all of that while basically being tossed around a ring by an enraged gorilla.

That is what it is like to fight Buakaw Banchamek in single combat.

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#NanowarOfSteel



I haven't kept up with ANNIHILATOR at all over the years. I only know some of their early stuff. So I am pretty surprised to see that Jeff Waters does the vocals these days. He's really not bad, as thrash metal vocalists go.

The drummer, though, looks totally bored for some reason.

This next one is probably my favourite ever IRON FIRE track:



Make of this next one what you will:



"Dear Japan,
WTFH?!?
Sincerely,
Everyone else"

It's been a while since I've featured any kind of hair-metal, so let's fix that:







Russians get a lot of stick for being shitfaced all the time. But I'm telling you from personal experience, they got NOTHIN' on the Lapplanders and Finns.



Following on from last week's helping of batshit insane...:



I really don't know what to make of those guys. They're crazy. They're also AWESOME.

Now let's have a bit of hymnal praise music, shall we?



And speaking of which...:



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And finally here's your Instathot for the week. She is a 29-year-old Ukrainian glamour model named Angelina Petrova, who has apparently made a LOT of money from flaunting her body. (No surprises there.)

Right, that's it, boys. Let the CRUSHING begin.



















Comments

  1. RE - MaRey Sue's parentage.
    The question how Palpatine sired anyone keeps coming up.

    I think Palpaitine impregnated an intern while he was Supreme Chancellor (and before he force-lightninged his face into a diseased nut-sack.)

    The result was one of the "nobodies" that spawned Rey...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yours is as good a theory as any. Back in the days before the SWEU post-Endor canon was shoved face-first into a woodchipper, that's actually more or less how events transpired. Supposedly Emperor Palpatine boinked one of his many Hands, a woman by the name of Roganda Ismaren, and she conceived his child, Irek, but this all got retconned out and reworked and so on.

      (Don't ask me how I know so much of this crap.)

      So it's a perfectly plausible explanation with plenty of precedent in pre-existing canon. And, alliteration aside, I've seen far stupider ideas (like, say, the entire plot of The Last Jedi) treated with respect.

      The problem is that this raises almost as many questions as it answers. And this is in no way the fault of your quite plausible theory.

      It is entirely the fault of the sheer stupidity of the scriptwriters who created one huge set of contradictions throughout the canon, starting with TFA, then on through TLJ, and now into ROS.

      For instance - when did Palpatine father a child? How is it possible that Force-sensitivity skipped over the child and went to the grandchild instead? Why is it that Palpatine's extreme evil did not manifest in Rey before, given that we have clear examples in the canon of evil descending in lineal fashion? How did Palpatine find out about his long-lost grandchild if he was sitting around twirling his mechanical claw for 40 years after Endor?

      And so on and so forth.

      It's basically one big snarled-up ball of stupid, created by overpaid untalented Hollyweird hacks who had absolutely no idea what the Hell they were doing.

      Delete
  2. Although Jared is probably not going to star as the next joker in DC, I think it's safe to say that Hugh Jackman killed the chances of anyone playing the role of wolverine in the future. Not that I know a lot of actors, but there is no A list celebrity who can do it as well as him. It will probably be the same with iron man and deadpool. It's so hard to unsee what was already edged into your memory so vividly and with so much emotion.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Agreed on all counts. Huge Jacked Man was iconic as Wolverine, Ryan Reynolds was/is the same as Deadpool, and Robert Downey Jr. was the perfect casting choice for Iron Man. Even Chris Evans, as big an SJW and Lefty idiot as he can be, is very, very good as Captain America.

      I doubt we'll see those roles recast anytime soon - and if they are, then the movie franchises themselves will suffer badly in the process.

      Of course, that doesn't mean that other DC/MCU roles can't be recast. Superman, Batman, the Flash, and Green Lantern are all available in the DCU - I'd especially like to see Batman done properly now that BatBale is definitively finished. And on the MCU side, well, there have already been 4 different actors playing the Hulk, and only Mark Ruffalo's portrayal came to be seen as "definitive" in any way, so plenty of room there.

      The one thing that concerns me is the trend toward recasting all of these roles with "diverse" characters. It won't be long before some purple-haired idiot of indeterminate gender identity tries to make Batman a disabled black Muslim tranny.

      Delete

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