Thus spake Clarksonius

The great philospoher and wise man Jeremy Clarkson has often stated, and written, that cyclists and bikers should simply work harder and buy a car. Judging by what bicycles have done to China - and Vietnam, and Indonesia, and the inner cities of London and New York and San Francisco - I must concede that he does have a point:

This is what Jeremy actually has to say about bikers and cyclists:

The thing is, I used to ride a proper cycle around London for three years or so. I do, in fact, have a lot of sympathy for cyclists. I do miss having the ability to simply jump on a bicycle and going out for a long ride down from Russel Square and all the way past Hyde Park and down to Shepherd's Bush.

What I cannot bloody stand is the militant ****s who insist that they have a God-given right to jump the curb and ride their cycles on the sidewalk. As it happens, I rather like going for long walks around a city with decent sidewalks - which, living where I have for about the past year, is actually something of a very nice luxury.

As for motorbikes, well, I'm actually not at all against bikes. Before my untimely departure from the USA last year, I had planned to spend time over the summer learning how to ride one.

Our own good friend Adam Piggott has pointed out that a real modern man rides a bike. And I agree with him.

I also agree with Jezza, though, about the fact that gents who ride those things need to remember that they look like Power Rangers, have to stop under a bridge every time it rains, and go to the bar simply to drink orange juice - WITHOUT vodka, gin, or even petrol to accompany it.

Meanwhile, if you're as bummed out about the fact that THE GRAND TOUR is off the air for a while, at least until they come back with Season 4, and the fact that the old sit-down episodes will no longer take place and the show will now focus on specials and adventures, then do what I do and drown your sorrows in a binge-watching marathon of old-school TOP GEAR (the good stuff, from back when it wasn't an SJW-converged shitfest) and previous episodes of GT.


  1. Eduardo the Magnificent25 May 2019 at 11:41

    I have no respect whatsoever for motorcyclists here in the US, and the more that get run over, the better. Here, they're either Harley-riding Baby Boomer tough-guy wannabes, or they ride crotch rockets, zooming in and out of traffic (don't get me started on their behavior during traffic jams) all while sanctimoniously crying "share the road! Look out for bikers! Keep the roads safe!"

    Bicyclists here generally follow the rules, because they realize THEY are a nuisance. Bikers tend to think WE are the nuisance. My road is not your lifestyle, buddy. Shut it or park it. On the highway, he who has more steel is generally in charge, or at least should be given deference. Bikers ignore this law with impunity, then have the audacity to complain. Fuck 'em.

    I guess what I'm saying is bikers are the human equivalent of chihuahuas.


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