Monday morning sensitivity training


Oh firetruck, it's Monday.

Given this abysmally horrid fact, I should in all fairness point out that my Monday is actually going pretty well.

You see, I'm not in a heathen country anymore, at least not for a little while. I am actually back in the Rodina. For at least a month.

Now before y'all get too jealous, may I remind you that I am here in mid-September, which is right when the weather starts to turn cold. And as those of you who know your history will remember, "cold" has an entirely different meaning in Russia than it does anywhere else.

That said - since it is Monday, and since everyone is in a foul mood, let's start by posting things that are offensive and shocking to as many different groups of people as possible.

Blatantly stolen Borrowed from Kim du Toit

There is no good reason, after all, to fight against type. Since it is a horrid day, we might as well start off by being horrid.

We start off with a cartoon that had the liberaltardarian establishment up their own assholes from sheer shocked outrage:


Now, interestingly enough, the cartoonist in question, Mark Knight, has actually been given very strong backing by his employer, Australia's Herald Sun. This being POZZstralia, I expected them to fold faster than summer employees at The Gap, but in fact, they stood up to the crybullies of the SJW-dominated Left in both the USA and Australia, and printed out a full front-page story telling the world that they will not apologise for exercising freedom of speech.

Good on 'em, as the Aussies would say. Any country that produces as fine a chap as our friend, The Gentleman Adventurer, can't be totally useless.


***

Jeremy Paxman is not someone that I expect my American friends to be familiar with, but he used to be something of an institution at the Bolshevik Broadcasting Corporation for many years. He is best known for his time as the presenter for BBC Two's flagship Newsnight programme, which he helmed for 25 years. His interview style when quizzing guests was called "tough and incisive" - this can more accurately be read as "complete douchebag" in most cases.

But sometimes, to the great delight of some of his more sceptical viewers, old Paxo would bite off rather more than he could chew - like when he interviewed Ann Coulter:


***

How stupid do you have to be to be a whorenalist, these days? Apparently, you need to be dumber than people living in sub-Saharan Africa:


***

I haven't told any Jewish jokes in a long time, so here are a few - written by Jews themselves, might I add:

Why do Jewish men like to watch porno movies backward?
They like the part where the hooker gives the money back.


Why were gentiles invented?
Somebody has to pay retail.

What’s the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.

What did the Jewish peadophile say to the child?
“Wanna buy some candy?”
[I'm going to Hell for that one...]

Why do Jewish men have to be circumcised?
Because a Jewish women wont touch anything unless it’s 20% off.

What is the difference between a crucifixion and a circumcision?
In a crucifixion, they throw out the whole Jew.

How do you say FUCK YOU in Jewish?
“Trust me!”


And here is an old Russian joke about Jews that I'm translating (somewhat freely, I admit) into English:

Two Jews are sitting together. One says, "Isaac, my Sara wants sex every day. And I am not so young anymore, so I do not want so much. The other replies, "Avram, I told you many years ago: do not marry an ugly wife, no one will help you!

For those of you interested in the original Russian - and it's actually much funnier in that language:

Сидят два еврея. Один говорит: — Изя, моей Саре ceкc нужен каждый день. А я уже не молод, так больше не могу. — Абрам, я тебя много лет назад предупреждал: не женись на некрасивой женщине, тебе никто помогать не будет!

***

Speaking of Jews - it would appear that a red heifer was born in Israel recently, which apparently is some sort of Very Big Deal according to the Torah:

“This is the ritual law that Hashem has commanded: Instruct B’nei Yisrael to bring you a red cow without blemish, in which there is no defect and on which no yoke has been laid. Numbers 19:2

Several heifers have been found in recent years that seemed to qualify but ultimately were unsuited for the ritual. Earlier this month, two calves born in Israel to the Institute’s red heifer program were deemed to be unsuitable for the performance of the mitzvah. One calf was a bull while the second, a heifer, had a small patch of white hair which disqualified her.

The heifer, born from a natural birth, must be entirely red, with no more than two non-red hairs on its body. It must also never have been used for any labor or have been impregnated. The existence of such a heifer is considered a biological anomaly and very rare. Fortunately, the ritual requires an infinitesimally small quantity of ashes. From the time of Moses, who personally prepared the first heifer, until the destruction of the Temple, only nine red heifers were prepared. Nonetheless, this was sufficient to maintain the ritual purity of the entire nation for almost 2,000 years.

According to Jewish tradition, there will only be ten red heifers in human history with the tenth heifer ushering in the Messianic era. Rabbi Moshe ben Maimon (Maimonides), the most renowned medieval Jewish scholar known by the acronym Rambam, wrote in his explanation of the mitzvah that “the tenth red heifer will be accomplished by the king, the Messiah; may he be revealed speedily, Amen, May it be God’s will.”


I'm not overly familiar with the prophecies of the Book of Revelations, but I do seem to recall something about how the stage for the Second Coming of Christ will be set after the Jews return to Zion, a comet fills the sky, a beast rises from the sea with multiple heads, and the Whore of Babylon rides on its back to Jerusalem - or whatever, I know I am mangling the Scriptures really quite badly here, but you get the point.

Judging by what we have seen thus far, it would appear as though there is a strong case to be made that the End Times, as described within the Bible, at least, will be upon us a heck of a lot sooner than we might like.

Stock up on guns and ammo - though of course that is the default position for any good shitlord - and be ready for when things get heavy.

***

Ladies, is your Sassy Gay Friend annoying you too much by constantly talking about handbags and boyfriends? Ask your local pharmacist for a healthy dose of:


***

Mark Hamill may have come down a LONG way from his days as a fresh-faced blond-haired farmboy knucklehead in an X-wing who flew up a trench of a MOON-SIZED BATTLESTATION with more firepower than half the Imperial starfleet in the form of a GIANT GODDAMN SUPERLASER PACKED FULL OF WORLD-DESTROYING ASSBEAT, which he then BLOWED THE FULL CUP before becoming the first of the new Jedi order and helping his father, the baddest badass baddie who ever lived, DARTH FREAKIN' VADER, fulfill the prophecy of the Chosen One and redeem himself [pause to draw nerd-breath], to his status today as an incoherent rambling old fart of a Trump-hater (who, admittedly, does an awesome reading of the God-Emperor's tweets using his iconic Joker voice)...

But he does have his head screwed on quite right when it comes to how shitty the new STAR WARS movies are:


I have to admit, as much as I dislike Mr. Hamill's politics, I actually quite like his ideas for the character of Luke Skywalker, who was treated abysmally by the writers and directors of the flaming SJW-designed crapfests that were the last two "main" movies. His ideas certainly would have made a lot more sense, and been vastly more interesting, than what we actually got.

He must be so thoroughly pissed off with the STAR WARS fan-base by now. In those clips of him being interviewed by reporters, you can see that he has enormous trouble keeping himself from physically assaulting some of these vapid idiots.

***

You know why more people do not mock the Welsh?

Because they don't speak English, so the humour is rather lost on them:


There is an old joke about the Welsh that goes something like this:

On a beautiful summer’s day, two English tourists were driving through Wales.

At Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogogoch they stopped for lunch and one of the tourists asked the waitress: “Before we order, I wonder if you could settle an argument for us. Can you pronounce where we are, very, very, very slowly?”

The girl leaned over and said: “Burrr… gurrr… King.”

***

Let's see... Blacks... Journalists... Jews... Gays... Nerds... Welsh... who's left?

Oh, right:


Amy Schumer actually ticks off a lot of boxes here. Jewish? Check. Female? Check. Liberaltard? Check. Fatass? Check. Ugly? Check. Stupid? Triple-check.

Not funny, at all, in any way, and a complete hack with a known propensity to rip off other people's funny jokes?

Triple-muthahumpin'-goddamn-check!!!

***

Whoops. I missed the Euzis. Let me correct that flagrant oversight right now.

Our boy Razorfist lets rip on the EUSSR's latest round of extreme stupidity concerning memes:



So first Europe opens its borders - and its on-the-shelf, sour-milk-smelling women open their legs - to a bunch of "refugees" who are actually nothing of the sort, thereby ensuring its destruction.

And now the European establishment has decided to take on and fight a far darker, more terrifying menace - THE INTERNET MEME!!!

They're lining up to get their arses kicked by the weaponised autists of the various chans. This is not going to end well for them.

***

Now, fellow shitlords, remember: offending people is all fine and dandy, but there is such a thing as taking it too far - especially when the guy you are making fun of is a top-rated sniper with a PhD:


***

Moving right on to things that are actually genuinely a bit moving - this clip of Lemmy performing live at Glastonbury with MOTORHEAD from about 3 years ago brought a real lump to my throat:


You see, this performance took place just six months or so before Lemmy died of brain cancer. You can see that it probably was already having an effect on him. He completely mixed up the songs - he started singing the words for "Ace of Spades" and then "Iron Fist" before remembering that the song was actually "Overkill", and he was playing it a bit slower than I have heard (and seen) that song played in the past.

This, for instance, is how I remember the band playing the song, on the five separate occasions that I've been fortunate enough to see them:


With the benefit of hindsight, it is clear that Lemmy was disoriented and in pain. But instead of curling up into a ball and crying about it, he strapped on that big Rickenbacker bass, plugged into his Marshall amps, and proceeded to kick everyone's ass straight into next week - just like MOTORHEAD always does. 

***

If you do not like bacon, you and I are going to have issues:

bacon is amazing | funny | Pinterest


Bacon Beats Sex – The Unvegan

I Support the LGBT Movement Liquor Guns Bacon & Tits ...

***

Funny pictures of the week, courtesy of Power Line and a few other sources:

Penis enlargers meme

25+ best ideas about Offensive humor on Pinterest | Dark ...

Ironandfire on iFunny :)
























***

Gym fails - watch through fingers:




***

And to cure the cancer inflicted by those, a gym BEAST:


Don't worry, I planned to show you a real dude too:


Yeah, I know, he's an Olympic weightlifter, not a powerlifter, but... dude. He's AMAZING.

Oh, all right, fine, I'll show you a real powerlifter:


That guy is truly inspirational. I referenced him in a post a few years back about getting motivated to go to the gym and lift like a beast - and he truly does it.

***

Let's have some music - the good stuff. Like, say, TOTO performing their biggest hit, "Africa", live:



Say what you will about how cheesy that song is - although I personally love it - those guys were (and are) amazing musicians. Especially the drummer, Simon Philips, who was actually the session drummer who played on the all-time classic JUDAS PRIEST album, Sin After Sin.

***

#MetalIsLife:























***

Seeing as how I'm in Russia right now, it seems only fitting to post up pictures of a beautiful Russian woman. So here you go - Instathot fitness model Ekaterina Usmanova, who has a very nice arse and is extremely proud of that fact:







Comments

Popular Posts