Royal cock-up


It would appear that the Half-Blood Princess is riling up the locals in Ye Olde Englande:

Most of us haven’t a clue whether those sisters-in-law get on or how close they are. But their joint outing today to the royal box presents Kate, the Duchess of Cambridge, with a chance to have a quiet word with newcomer Megs, the Duchess of Sussex, on where she’s going wrong. Because, boy, she needs it.

Kate could start by telling Megs the royals do not, ever, interfere in politics. In the 56 days since her marriage, Meghan has declared herself a humanitarian, proud feminist and, in Ireland this week, a supporter of the liberalisation of abortion laws.

She needs to understand one does not flaunt one’s humanitarian credentials. Modelling yourself on Angelina Jolie may be fine for a soap star but not for a royal.

But such solecisms pale into insignificance compared to the American’s shameless extravagance. During her 24-hour visit to Ireland, the thing that grabbed the headlines was that she changed into four different designer outfits with a total value of £28,000.

The £2,000 worth of shoes she wore on that trip is more than many British families have to live on for a month.

As the Mail reveals today, Megs has clad herself in around £155,000 worth of Givenchy, Dior, Chanel and Prada since her wedding. That’s infinitely more than Kate spent in the entire year after marrying William.

Yes, the former TV actress looks stylish, yes, she is lovely, but she has a lot to learn about this country.

Kate should quietly tell her we don’t like moral posturing and we certainly don’t like ostentatious displays of wealth. Indeed, Megs could do worse than look to Kate for an example of how to do it.

She recycles her clothes, too, just like the Queen and Princess Anne. She wore a four-year-old coat to Meghan’s wedding. But I have yet to see Megs in the same outfit twice.

Meghan needs to understand there’s a lot of respect and affection for how royalty is not just another branch of showbiz, where #MeToo values hold sway and the dress style is red-carpet, off-the-shoulder and always with a coquettish pout for the cameras.

One final piece of advice. Perhaps Meghan should book an appointment with Rigby & Peller, providers of lingerie to the royals — and get herself a proper-fitting bra.


Not to be an uncharitable asshole or anything - yeah, OK, I know, I am both uncharitable and an asshole, it is true - but guess what:


That is not very much of an achievement, by the way. It simply requires possession of a minute amount of that rarest of all commodities, common sense.

It was obvious to anyone with even a smidgen of said commodity that Meghan Markle was going to be an utter disaster for the royal family. And for those of us who like, care about, and appreciate traditional ways of doing things, the royals are more than just a bunch of really rich and stuffy public welfare scroungers.

They are an institution. Indeed, they are the institution that effectively defines Britain as a nation.

The Royal Family is Britain. Without it, the entire concept of "Britain" as a sovereign country and culture basically ceases to exist. The whole point of the entire archaic edifice of the Queen - who actually is not even entirely English, but is in fact part German - and the rest of the British royalty is that it gives Britain as sense of continuity, of time and place, and of uniqueness within the world.

The concept of a King (or Queen) of the Angles, and later the Anglo-Saxons, goes all the way back to beyond the time of Alfred the Great. The royals are the history of the British nation, a country inhabited by the people of a dark damp moss-covered foggy lump of rock in the middle of the North Atlantic who are often drunk and grumpy and morose but who nonetheless managed to create the greatest civilisations that the world has ever seen.

Meghan Markle is many things, but she is not a member of the Royal Family in Britain. And evidently she shows no particular inclination to become like one of them.

That is, of course, her choice. And it was her now-husband's choice to marry her. One can only wish them all possible success and happiness, in the spirit of Christian charity and goodwill and all that. But it is likely that things will not end well, either for the young Prince or for his wider family as a whole - or for the British nation.

There are plenty of people in Britain and elsewhere who argue for the abolition of the Royal Family and the creation of a true secular parliamentary democracy in the United Kingdom. They do have points in favour of their arguments. But they forget the most important point of all:

The heritage of their country, the very fabric of their nation, is knit together with the blood and the achievements of the British Kings and Queens of their history.

To undermine that institution is to do away with the very nature of the British nation. And that would be a terrible and foolish tragedy.

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