The time of testing

In more than five years of nearly daily writing and analysis, this post, right here, is the most difficult one that I have ever had to write, and by a long way.

I had alluded a few times last week to the fact that I have been going through some rough times. And that is because, on Tuesday March 20th, I lost my job.

Eleven years. Three jobs. Every single one lost due to "corporate restructuring".

Have you ever heard the phrase: "Once is happenstance, twice is coincidence - three times is enemy action"? Well, I'm living proof of the veracity of that one.

The call came at around 10.30 in the morning. I was told to go to such-and-such room on a particular floor of the building. Having been through the "corporate restructuring" routine twice before already, I had a pretty good idea as to what was coming.

I didn't have to wait long for the hammer to fall.

My hyper-emotional, over-talkative new "manager", with whom I had profound differences in opinion and management style for the past five months, was sitting there. He said precisely one sentence, and then left, leaving me to face two women from HR, who proceeded to inform me that my role had been eliminated and outlined my severance, benefits, and outplacement options.

I sat there, stone-faced, as I listened to both of those idiots rabbit on. I have never had a high opinion of women in the workplace, and I have a distinctly dim view of HR as a corporate division to begin with; if I had my way, at least 50% of the HR monkeys in any given corporation would be fired and replaced with cardboard cutouts of vacuous blonde ditzes. Those two prize purple jellyfish did nothing to change my way of thinking.

The HR bimbos walked me out of the room and asked for my ID card. I tossed it onto the table for them to pick up - it bounced and hit the floor. I didn't bother retrieving it. I got whatever few belongings were brought to me from my desk, took the elevator down, and walked out of the building without looking back.

Just like that, six and a half years of hard work and service to my employer were gone. All of the good work that I had done, all of the benefits that I had brought to the trading desks, all of the relationships that I had forged within and outside of Finance - gone. As if none of it had ever mattered or existed.

I got home about forty-five minutes later, and faced up to one of the toughest phone calls that I have ever had to make. I called my father, and told him that, for the third time in eleven years, I had been laid off.

That was two weeks ago. The rage that I felt at the time has mostly subsided - I have ways of dealing with that sort of thing, and they involve lifting stupidly heavy shit and punching people in the face. But the anger was real, and very hard to diffuse at the time.

There was anger at the way I was treated - and even more so at the way that the business and the colleagues that I had spent so much time and effort over so many years trying to help, were treated. Anger at the fact that projects that simply could not be completed without my direct help and intervention were now stuck in limbo, with potentially disastrous consequences for the business itself.

The pain was worse. Pain caused by the fact that I am once again abruptly facing the end of my time in America, with complete uncertainty as to what the future holds. It is likely that, by early June, I will leave the USA - and will not return, at least not anytime soon.

For I am here on one of those (somewhat justifiably) maligned H-1B visas. I came to the USA in 2006 to study for my Master's degree. I studied hard and did well. I ended up getting a job in a consulting firm after I graduated. When that job went tits-up, after nearly 18 months spent "on the beach" doing nothing but feeling miserable, I found another one, this time at a large European bank. That one disappeared too, but I landed on my feet after that as well and found what was, until last week, a job that I generally liked and did quite well in.

Now it is at this point that some nationalist Americans might jump in and say, "serves you right for taking our jobs".

Well... not so fast. I personally have long argued that the H-1B system is severely abused and needs serious reform. When the H-1B is used as an "outsourcing visa" to replace skilled American workers with much cheaper foreign labour who take the same jobs back to overseas nations (and usually end up doing the job much worse and more slowly), that is outrageous and must be stopped. I have said so for years.

I was never here to "outsource" American jobs. I was paid a very high salary - higher than almost any American counterpart - for my time and skills in all three jobs, and I stayed in the USA to contribute directly to the American economy. I paid American taxes into an American welfare system that I will almost certainly never draw from (and do not want to).

At any rate, this latest setback has taught me some very harsh lessons, which if I am honest with myself were probably a long time in coming.

Lesson 1: The System is Rigged

And it is so at every level - and that knowledge still makes me angry, even now, because it forces me to realise that I was raised and prepared for a world that no longer exists.

I did what I was supposed to do for years. I went to the "right" schools - first to highly prestigious private institutions for all of my schooling years, then to a top-tier global university and an Ivy League school for postgraduate education.

I tried to conform to the corporate line in all three of my workplaces. After I got into a bit of trouble at my second employer for being a little too free about my political opinions, I learned to keep quiet about them in my third - though I still landed in soup once, several years ago, for creating a "hostile work environment" for a completely useless and unqualified woman.

It was all for naught. "Following the rules" just lined me up to get shot. Repeatedly.

Today the idea of working hard and earning one's way up the ranks seems laughably stupid. Competence, skill, and a marked intolerance for stupidity are no longer valuable attributes - but the ability to play politics, to work within and around the system, and to toady up to powerful managers, is rewarded.

This is not news, obviously. Anyone who has read and learned from Robert Greene's The 48 Laws of Power will know quite well that the greatest favour and power comes to those who do not attempt to outshine their masters, who turn their greatest enemies into their best friends, and who combine flawless talent with absolute ruthlessness.

The problem is that these traits are not natural to men raised to be honest, honourable, and forthright. Such men are the easiest of all to manipulate and setup for failure, because the demands of honour and righteous conduct make a man highly predictable.

Nonetheless, this lesson must be learned. The modern corporate ladder is designed specifically to stop the competent and independent-minded from advancing, to inflict arbitrary punishments that are neither fair nor proportionate, and to avoid transparency and honesty as much as possible.

This is an extremely hard and bitter pill to swallow. The knowledge that everything that you were told about how to succeed in life is a lie, is never easy to handle.

Any man who has "taken the red pill" when it comes to modern women and dating knows how that feels. But it is one thing to know that everything one has been taught about dating, sex, marriage, and women is a lie - these things can be fixed or worked around; you can still work "within the system" to get what you want in that arena by learning and practicing a bit of game. It works, too.

It is another thing entirely to learn that it just does not matter what one does to achieve professional success - because there is no way to "work within" that system. There is no path to success. It is not possible to achieve one's goals that way, because the system itself is designed to destroy you simply because you think differently.

The fastest way to break and crush a man's spirit is to give him hope - and then make that hope an unreachable impossibility. In the words of Bane - "there can be no true despair without hope". That is what was done to me, and I have to admit, it was exceedingly well done by those responsible.

Lesson 2: Antifragility Uber Alles

Each of us, and especially those of us on the Right, must redouble our efforts to become truly antifragile.

This is easy to say but much harder to do. Those of us who are not independently wealthy rely on others to pay us for our time and efforts. We engage in one of the three types of labour - a job, a career, or a business. But ultimately, we depend on others for our sustenance, and the more concentrated those funnels of revenue are, the more vulnerable we are.

Those of us who work for a single corporate employer are extremely vulnerable, as I was (and am forced to be, because of work visas and such). Those who rely on social media platforms like YouTube, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, and others, are also pretty vulnerable (though somewhat less so). Those who depend on SJW-heavy vendors and middleware sources like Amazon, eBay, PayPal, Patreon, or GoFundMe, are still highly vulnerable.

In military terms - these are our supply lines, and they lie directly within enemy territory. All the enemy has to do is seek and destroy them.

So for me, the lesson is absolutely clear: I have to find ways to diversify my sources of income by starting up my own businesses that provide independent revenue streams that cannot be dislocated by some bitch in HR with a room-temperature IQ and an iPhone shoved up her pompous ass.

That, of course, is also easier said than done. It is one thing to start up a website. It is a different thing entirely to monetise it. But it has to be done.

For the rest of us, the lesson is the same: diversify your sources of income, and diversify the places where you hold the resulting free cash. The SJW infestation of the West's institutions is reaching critical mass; it is getting to the point where an honest man cannot reliably make a living anymore, but those same SJWs depend entirely on those honest men for their own livelihoods. They are parasites that eventually kill their hosts, and as such, you must learn to rid yourself of their disease to the greatest extent possible.

Lesson 3: ALWAYS Have an Eff You Fund

Now this lesson was one that I learned years ago, and learned very well indeed. After my second layoff, I realised that I needed to set aside at least a year's worth of cash, if not more. I spent years living well below my means, not taking on any debt of any kind, refusing to overextend myself. The result was a comfortable if boring lifestyle rooted in a routine that just worked for me.

Make no mistake, I sacrificed a lot to make that possible. While others were out partying on weeknights or weekends, spending money in clubs and bars and chasing women, or wasting it in expensive restaurants or luxury boutiques, I would be at home, cooking my own food and watching a movie or reading a book.

It was, and is, a difficult and lonely lifestyle that very few men, even the most introverted, can easily embrace. Fewer still can claim to enjoy it.

But the benefit of it was that, when this latest kick in the face landed, I had (and have) well over a year's worth of cold hard cash on hand. And that is before severance and retirement savings.

Trust me when I say this, as someone who has been through three separate layoffs: when you do not have to worry about money in the bank, you have a far greater ability to recover from a serious setback.

If I wanted to, I could simply give up on living in the USA completely - hell, I could give up on living in the entire Western world - and just bugger off to Asia for a couple of years and hang out on the beaches in Thailand or Vietnam.

I have to admit - that thought is sorely tempting. No more American winters, no more Anglobitches, no more American taxes, no more struggling against a system that clearly hates straight men and wants to see us enslaved - there is a lot to like about the idea.

Lesson 4: Faith, Family, Friends

When something like this happens, you learn very quickly who your friends are and who you can count on.

It says quite a lot that many of the colleagues that I worked beside and helped and mentored for over six years did nothing more than email me with good wishes upon learning the news. That was it.

A few - a precious few - went well above and beyond that, and called up or responded to ask what they could do to help. Those are the people who are worth more than any amount of gold, because they are the ones you can count on to have your back in a crisis.

My family has also been a source of much comfort and support during a very difficult time. My sister in particular, has gone out of her way to call every few days and see how I am doing. When she heard what had happened, she decided to fly in over that weekend and insisted that we go for a long drive somewhere, to take my mind off my troubles for a while.

So we drove up to visit some old family friends in Connecticut, whom I have visited several times before and am very fond of. That short trip was exactly what I needed. I spent a day and a night in the company of a wonderful married couple and their two rambunctious kids, in a seemingly chaotic family environment that actually makes perfect sense to a family-oriented homebody like me. And it helped put things into perspective.

The day before that trip, I walked into the Catholic church that I have been visiting of late, and attended Friday Mass. And that, too, put things into perspective.

I have no doubt that I am being tested, for the Lord does not help those who do not first help themselves. He is not some magical wish-granting Macguffin. His Law requires and demands discipline, strength, willpower, and obedience - but His rewards for undertaking His difficult tasks are great indeed.

I have seen and felt His power, and I no longer question it.

When all of your best laid plans "aft gang agley", so to speak, you will discover very quickly that the people you can depend upon are few in number - but infinitely valuable for that. Only three things will get you through the ordeal that lies ahead: faith, family, and friends.

Do not abandon them when the times are good, because they, and only they, will be there for you when times are bad.

So What Now?

For days after this latest setback, I lay awake in the very early morning driving myself crazy thinking of all of the challenges that I now face - in terms of finding new employment and getting my work permit and visa sorted out, or in terms of having to pack up and head back to the old country and start all over again.

At those times, in the quiet and the darkness, the thought of just giving up, of checking out completely and leaving the West for good, never to return, to just abandon Western civilisation to its richly deserved destruction, became an overwhelming temptation. It would be so easy, too - just leave it all behind and become a nomadic ghost rider, and spend my days chasing skirts and living the hedonist's dream.

The mornings and days brought clarity and focus. It was not, and is not, in me to just give up and give in. My father did not raise me to be a quitter. I have spent over five years writing of the need for masculine focus, self-improvement, sovereignty, and independence - and I have written repeatedly about how the path of the righteous man is an extremely hard one, full of obstacles and pain.

I realised that if I just gave up and checked out, I would be nothing more than a giant hypocrite, just another keyboard warrior long on rhetoric but short on substance.

So I carry on.

If it is my fate to leave the USA, then so be it - I will not repay the goodness and generosity of this country that I love by breaking its immigration laws and outstaying my welcome. (That attitude, by the way, explains exactly why I have such contempt for illegal immigrants - because they make a mockery of the very laws that I obey.)

I continue to lift, to train, to write, and to seek out new opportunities. I continue to go to church and attend Friday Mass. I continue to try to improve my mind and harden my body.

I have broken down my goals into three time-frames - short-term, medium-term, and long-term.

Short-term, it is simple: find a new employer, and a new job.

Medium-term, build up my skills and move from a job to a career.

Long-term, become fully independent in terms of income and location so that no idiot manager, witless bean-counter, incompetent managing director, or HR cunt, can ever again inflict the kind of damage that I have suffered three times now.

It will be a long and difficult road ahead. The time of testing that I have been predicting for years is upon all of us Men of the West - and upon me in a very personal way.

So be it.



  1. do you have an email address / contact available?

  2. Thanks for the update, this must have been a tough one to sort and put down with such clarity. Let me know if there's anythinf I can do t9 help on the writing front.

    1. Thank you, I appreciate the good wishes. Yes, it was tough - took a couple of weeks to sort through everything and write clearly. But the way I see it, I simply have to soldier on and get through it.

  3. Sad to hear your story from yesterday, but glad to hear your attitude and plans today. May your job hunt be short, your career be just on the horizon, and may God strengthen your faith to meet your challenges.

    I'm not located near you, but what job/career are you seeking? If there is information or contacts I can share to help you in your search, then I will do so.

    1. Thanks for your good wishes, they are greatly appreciated.

      My background is in mathematics, finance, and technology. I'm not an outright coder, but I know how to program and speak fluent "geek". As such, I'm on the lookout for jobs that involve data-mining, statistical analysis, technology program management, and enterprise-level systems optimisation.

    2. Ok, I'll do some digging and let you know.

  4. Had one experience exactly like yours myself, so I have an idea how you feel. Praying for you.

    1. Thanks Brian, I appreciate it. I'll have to go check out your books soon too - I've heard a lot of good things about them.

  5. I was musing the other day that, of the three lieutenants of my IOBC class who pinned on multiple stars, I cannot ever recall hearing one express a strong opinion about _anything_.

    This sucks major moose cock.

    I do have an idea but it may not be immediate and may not pay enough. Drop me a line and we can discuss exploring it.

    1. Thank you, sir. Happy to do so. However I don't use FaceBorg or any other social media accounts other than LinkedIn. If you don't mind sending me your email address privately (I moderate all comments personally) or to my email above, I can certainly get in touch.

  6. Since it is now clearly out in the open, where are you from originally?
    I have trouble thinking of you as an Indian, since the only swole indians I have ever seen were in Baahubali... One of the few Baliwood flicks I have seen worth watching (The writing and story were terrible, but the action was stupidly cool and amazing....decent CG too). I also have a hard time imagining an Indian dude that is NOT punked constantly by women (I recently visited a little town named Panjim... It is utterly sickening the way the men debase themselves to even the ugliest little dumpling)

    I have long been of the opinion that stealing the best from other countries, especially those that WANT to be Americans, does not do damage to our culture... as long as we only take in a FEW and make sure they are fully acclimated and do not form Ghettos. Frankly I kinda wish you would find a decent white girl and settle down, but the idea of giving a white girl the power of having you deported if she is 'unhappy' is obviously ridiculous.

    I don't demand absolute racial purity, but I DO demand cultural strength, and that pretty much requires that the most successful ethnicity rule, but I figure there is nothing wrong with adding in a little of the best to the racial mix... It's been going on for all time, and your consistency and devotion to this blog alone proves that you are absolutely the kind of immigrant I like.

    1. Thanks man, I really appreciate that. Americans have commented here on this blog that I have more love for this country than many native-born people of my generation, which to me is about as high as a compliment can get.

      Since you asked - I am originally from Calcutta. I go back there every year to visit my folks. But I am about the least "Indian" Indian you'll ever meet. I do not dress, walk, talk, live, eat, drink, worship, or think like an Indian - even an expatriate one. I have lived in the West for my entire adult life. And those who speak to me often have a very hard time getting past the fact that I sound somewhere in between a Brit, an Australian, and an American with very polished English. Trips back to India are like visits to a very strange and foreign country. I do not vote in Indian elections either - I firmly believe that the right to vote has to be earned and should be reserved only to true citizens, and I am not one such.

      I love this country because it has been very decent and generous to me and has let me in to live peacefully by the fruits of my own efforts. I think my writing about America as an idea conveys this.

      All of that explains why I am so angered by illegal immigrants - they make a mockery of the very laws that I did not vote for but obey nonetheless, and they seek to impose their culture upon good people who showed them only goodwill and friendliness. That is profoundly wrong.

    2. Indians who grew up in India have a culture that is PROFOUNDLY different from ours... and even after living here for 30 years, They are hostile in the extreme to 'American'. They tend to be what our culture classifies as 'greedy, grasping, and profoundly ignorant of courtesy.' And always seem to be ready to insult or discount an American's opinion at any turn, even if the evidence is in their favor.

      The worst part is, they often tend to teach their own children the same behavior. Like somehow having three jobs sitting on their ass at Burger king, Exxon, and 7eleven makes them far less lazy than the guys that put in 10 hours a day moving furniture but don't work weekends due to exhaustion.

      I don't know what you would call it, probably not EXACTLY racism, but culturalism... University of India education is complete and utter crap, and I do not WANT someone with a thick Hindi accent anywhere in my country... I can handle an English accent though (Although most folks with English accents seem to be profoundly stupid when it comes to gun laws).

      I actually got into trouble in the Navy because... well... a lot of Indian doctors go to work for the military, due to their no-malpractice policy. Indian doctors are right up there with female doctors for sheer, unrelenting ignorance and inattention to symptoms and details. I refused to be worked on by an Indian doctor (One had just more or less murdered a good friend recently) and nearly got a BCD for explaining to the singsong bastard that his 'rank' was meaningless and that I'd rather have my surgery by a trained monkey, because at least the monkey would be TRAINED.

      When I am in India, I do my absolute best to respect their social mores, culture, and tradition... But I would not stay. I wish very much that those raised in that cultural tradition would have the same courtesy.

      It doesn't take a racist to want to build a wall.

  7. Didact,

    I missed this when you wrote it. Tough spot, but being fired from a job and having your visa in peril? Been there. One of the best things that ever happened to me long term, and one of the scariest things in the short term.

    You tried to set up yourself three times as a good corporate slave. You weren't punished three times; you were given three chances to escape. Think about it.

    You have a stack of cash right now but you live in New York, yeah? Expensive town. Don't waste all your money keeping your head above water while you try to find another corporate slave job there. Pick a cheap red state and flee. Head down to Texas maybe. Give the oil & gas guys a try. It's starting to pick up again.

    You've read my first book. The critical lesson there is that when you're in a curve ball situation you can't predict where it will take you, you just have to go with it and see where you end up.

    You have my email. If you want to shoot the breeze let me know.


    1. Hey Adam - thanks for the encouragement, I appreciate it.

      One point to note - in your case, you had support networks to go back to in Australia. You grew up there. Your family and oldest friends were all there. In my case, my country of origin is basically a foreign place for me. I don't speak the language, I don't follow the customs, and I have little if any patience for the pagan religions. So returning for me is a considerably harder and more painful prospect.

      That being said - I agree, this is an opportunity in disguise. Being a slave to some faceless international corporation is not how I want to spend my life, and this is a chance to escape, do something else, establish a separate set of income streams, and become antifragile in the process.

      It is obvious to me now that there is no such thing as a "safe" career anymore. The system is rigged, completely, against any man who thinks for himself and wants to do something good with his life.

  8. Your observations about the corruption of this culture/society are spot on and the trials of those who would live by Faith, honor, and duty do not cease; but increase: living by Faith lights a candle which the World tries to snuff out; to be honorable leads to being manipulated and called a fool; to do one's duty allows cowards and the weak to escape their own duties; sometimes the very duties you are struck with because you are the last man standing.

    God calls us to live in a manner that directly confronts the wisdom of the World: the world hates us; not just men ; but, the very system and the Satanic powers that for the moment control this world and devised the systems by which it runs seek to destroy the saints.

    FWIW, I have believed on Jesus Christ since I was baptized at age 14 and am now 68+; I was given the duty to be an artist and given mentors/father figures to propel me on my path and overcome the antipathy of my family; aside from the world, God has frequently kicked me in the ass to get my attention and keep me on the path. In what should have been the most productive years of my life, I took care of my mother despite my poverty; meanwhile my much better off brothers declared that their wives would divorce them if they took in their mother or if they even know they slipped me some money every now and then; as a result, I went bankrupt losing even the meager inheritance I was to get; on top of that , I lost forty years of artwork because my kin would not store "that junk" when I had to move.

    I now live in a university city where employers will not pay much more than minimum wage; and that is only if they have to; and they prefer students. I live on Social Security which does not meet my basic needs. Even more so than when I was young, I rely upon God to meet my needs: he has done so and I expect that this will continue til the end of my days.

    Yet, the irony is that times of unemployment and even now force me to concentrate on the work I was given to do: be an artist. Do what God has given you to do and he will provide the means. We are weak and have no control over a world that hates us; how else can we live but that God sustains us: we live by the promises of God.

    1. Yes. There is no doubt in my mind that I am being tested to see whether I can absorb the recent body-blows and figure out how to come back stronger. And it is also clear to me that the Lord intends for me to do something good with my life - not to waste it working for soulless corporations and managers who could not care less about doing the right thing and rewarding hard work and integrity.

      I am working on something that might just achieve exactly that end. If it works out... it will be more than a mere job. It will be a calling, a chance to do something of value and merit with my mind and skills.

  9. My impression is that you work in either banking or IT. If the latter, perhaps you should try getting work with an industrial company. What I mean by that is an employer that is in the more mainstream industries such as manufacturing, distribution, or something similar.

    The problem with finance and consulting is that these industries operate on the "up or out" employment model. This is where once you get laid off (rather than promoted) is becomes very difficult for you to get back in at either the same or higher level. This is part and parcel of what I call the "firm-based" industries. I say firm based because the business entities are often called firms (like law or management consulting firms). The military also operates on the "up or out" principle as well.

    Manufacturing, distribution (other than Amazon), retain (again other than Amazon) and other more conventional industries operate by the older industrial model. These companies usually do not lay off unless they get into financial trouble and, once laid off, it is easier to get another job at the same or higher level.

    It was no surprise to me when I learned that the "up or out" employment system was actually invented by a lawyer in the early 20th century, as it would figure only a lawyer would be an asshole enough to come up with such as system.

    As an H-1B, you will have difficulty getting into the industrial economy in the U.S., as they usually do not emply H-1B. If you have family or friends with permanent residence in the U.S. you might want to discuss this with them as they may be able to sponsor you.

    Failing that, you might want to consider South East Asia. These economies are growing 6-7% per year and may have more opportunities for IT and finance professionals and often the locals are not up to snuff in these fields. Malaysia, for one, has a large Indian community.

    1. My impression is that you work in either banking or IT.

      You're right on both counts, actually. I worked in a big European bank - which tells you half the problem right there, virtually all of the European investment banks with a US presence have serious problems. And I worked in the Finance department, but my job was more into the technology and analytics than the accounting and P&L.

      It was clear a while back that I had no long-term future in the Finance department. I had been looking to move for a while. The kick in the ass that I got just happened to come at an exceptionally bad time in a lot of ways.

      If you have family or friends with permanent residence in the U.S. you might want to discuss this with them as they may be able to sponsor you.

      Not direct family relatives, unfortunately - only aunts and uncles, that sort of thing.

      I'm looking at a possible role in a pretty interesting organisation right now in the USA - I cannot reveal further details, but if it comes through, and it looks like it will, then a lot of things will change for me, for the better, very quickly, and I may well be back in the US by September or so. We'll see how it goes, I am optimistic about it.

  10. I just found your blog and have started exploring. After reading some of your stuff I am stoked you decided to stay. We can't afford to lose even one man like you.

    1. I hate to say it, but I actually had to leave in early June. I'm back in the old country now. I did not find anything to replace my job, and since I believe in being a good guest, I had to obey the law and depart the USA.

      The good news is that I might be able to come back to the US eventually - it will take a few more months. We shall see how things go.

      Thanks for the kind words, I appreciate them very much.


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