Perfectly logical, really

February 23rd is known as "Defender of the Fatherland Day" in Mother Russia - and I have never understood exactly why the Russkies, who refer to their country by a feminine noun, insist on celebrating a masculine day. But, I will say this for them - they do know how to appreciate good old-fashioned patriarchy and all of the benefits that it brings.

The Russian national holiday of Feb. 23, the Defender of the Fatherland Day, used to be for congratulating men partaking in military service. However, the occasion has recently turned into a kind of ‘men's day’ (as opposed to Woman's Day on March 8). There are lots of jokes to suggest that if a woman is stingy to the men in her life on Feb 23, she can’t expect too much on March 8.

I am rather pedantic about grammar, of course, so this whole Motherland/Fatherland thing confuses the hell out of me. But there is nothing at all confusing about that paragraph. It is really quite simple: women who buy their men rubbish gifts, and who do not put out on Russia's equivalent of Steak & BJ Day, really should not expect anything special on March 8th either.

And International Women's Day, on March 8th, is a really big freakin' deal in Russia.

The day before this national holiday, the women all get dolled up and many workplaces bring in professional photographers to capture the ladies at their absolute best. The women of Eastern Europe being what they are, the results can be... well, pretty spectacular, as I can personally attest.

The great thing about these two holidays - February 23rd and March 8th - is of course the fact that each one celebrates the polarity between the sexes. This is all to the good, and the West could learn quite a lot about how pleasant life can be when men and women each act according to their natural roles.

That being said - the actual Russian advert that went viral in Russia is quite something:

Can you imagine what would happen if something like that were released in the US or the UK today? Hordes of shrieking feminists would immediately explode into furious whirlwinds of rage and vitriol, and the poor sods who created the video would be lucky to escape public lynchings.

In fact, the video is actually very funny, in a dark and morbid sort of way. But its basic point is really simple:

Ladies, if you want to show appreciation for your men, put in some damn effort.

In fact, as a member of this mysterious and strange group of grunting, scratching, smelly, hairy, and somewhat oddly shaped creatures known as "men", I have a really powerful secret for you.

Do you want to know how to make your man happy, and keep him happy?

Really? You sure?

OK, come closer then.

The secret is this...

Make him dinner, give him willing and enthusiastic sex, and rub his back once in a while.

That's it. No need for socks or shaving gel or any other nonsense. It really is that simple - all that is needed is a bit of sense and effort on your part, and you will have your man's full attention at all times.

Of course, because it is so simple and so basic, most Western women these days - at least, in the big cities - do not seem to understand this. It appears to be too difficult for them to grasp.

That, I suppose, says everything one needs to know about how messed up the West is these days.


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