Little head vs Escort

So a lonely drug-company executive with no game and serious blue balls decided to go trawling through an "alternative services" site, found a "lady of the night", paid for her services, and then made the catastrophically stupid decision of falling in TWOO WOVE with her.

You can more or less guess what happened next:

Court filings, obtained by the Chicago Tribune, showed Scott Kennedy, 43, who worked for Nemera, and Crystal Lundberg, 31, spent thousands of dollars on plastic surgery, a San Diego mansion, a chauffeur for her children, dogs and even potted plants.

The pair are both under investigation for fraud and money laundering, but records show criminal charges have not been filed against either.

Kennedy says he let Lundberg dupe him into spending the millions because he wanted to be loved and had hoped it would lead to a family.

Kennedy told the FBI that he first met Lundberg in 2012 through the classified ad website, which advertises sexual services.

Lundberg was working as a professional escort at a time, and agents say Kennedy solicited her services between eight and ten times from 2012 to May 2015.

By May 2015, Lundberg began seeking financial assistance from Kennedy. Soon afterwards, she, her two young children, and their pets moved in with Kennedy at his suburban home. 

That November, Kennedy gave Lundberg access to the company credit card for the first time after she asked for help buying Christmas gifts for her daughters, according to the filing.

Over the next 16 months, the two burned through $5.79million of company cash, authorities alleged.

Analysis conducted by Nemera found more than 8,800 improper charges to the company credit card between November 2015 and mid-March 2017. 

This included money to front Lundberg's own spa known as K&K Cosmetics, plastic surgery during a stay in Miami, two Rolex watches, a personal driver for her daughters, a maid, two purebred dogs and trips to numerous locations including Bali, Hawaii, France and Costa Rica.

Almost $1million was spent on travel alone.

Wow... Where does one even start with this one...

I suppose I should point out that Mr. Kennedy did, sort of, make one semi-smart decision. He didn't spend all of his own money on Ms. Lundberg. If he had, then he would have been a broke dumbass as well as a criminally negligent one.

Obviously, that is not to be taken as a recommendation in favour of this sort of behaviour.

The problem here is that Mr. Kennedy let his little head do the thinking for him, and completely underestimated the dangers of letting a true predatory female in from her natural habitat and into his tame domesticated environment.

If ever there was a real-life instructional example teaching us how important it is to avoid the trap of turning a ho into a housewife, this is it, right here.

This story is full of points where the reader constantly finds himself saying, "if only".

If only Mr. Kennedy, who could not look like more of a Beta simp if he tried, had decided to hit the gym, lift some weights, join a martial arts school, or learn some new skills:

Kennedy (center), who worked for France-based Nemera, says he let Lundberg dupe him into spending the millions because he wanted to be loved and hoped it would lead to a family

If only Mr. Kennedy had not attempted to frequent prostitutes operating in shady corners of the Internet, because of America's bizarrely Puritanical approach to dating, sex, and especially prostitution.

If only Mr. Kennedy had enough self-respect not to be taken in by a woman with clearly enormous amounts of baggage - the "escort" in question has two children and is quite obviously willing to do whatever, and I do mean whatever, it takes to support them.

Agents say Kennedy solicited Lundberg's (left and right) services between eight and ten times from 2012 to May 2015By May 2015, she began seeking Kennedy's financial assistance

If only Mr. Kennedy had enough game and frame to realise that spending a lot of money on a woman who looks like that, whose entire reason for entering his life was his ability to pay for play, and who plainly demanded more from him than he could afford, is stupid on a level that defies easy description.

(As I have said before, there are actually four kinds of stupid. There are the three kinds generally described by the military as: regularly stupid - e.g. the Joint Strike Fighter Flying Piano stupid; really really REALLY stupid - e.g. invading Iraq over non-existent WMD stupid; and invading-Russia-in-winter stupid. To this, we must add the fourth kind of stupid: wifeing-up-a-whore stupid.)

Most of all, if only Mr. Kennedy had taken the red pill, he could have saved himself a lot of trouble, and possibly saved his soul in the process.

If he had, perhaps he could have avoided a gigantic mistake by letting his little head overrule his big head. Men are supposed to stop letting that happen after the age of about 32 or so - it varies depending on the chump chap in question, but that is roughly the age by which men kind of have our shit together to the point where they can tell which women add value to our lives, and which ones bring us drama and pain.

Parenthetically, of course, he also could have avoided a possible felony conviction for theft and money laundering. So there is that to consider as well, obviously.

I have to admit, when I first read the headline - without looking into the details - I actually thought that Mr. Kennedy might be some sort of evil genius. It seemed to me as though he had managed to screw over his corporate overlords by screwing a whore and getting them to pay for it. That is fiendishly clever - if one can get away with it, which plainly he did not.

Then I read the details. And I realised just how sad and sordid the story really was.

You may be surprised to learn, therefore, that I do, sort of, sympathise with Mr. Kennedy - up to a point.

You see, he started paying a hooker for her services because he discovered a truth that many of us have had to learn the hard way as well: there are not many good women left, if any.

Speaking strictly for myself, I have to admit, there are plenty of days - especially recently - where I find myself thinking that there are none left. Not one woman out there who might be a good wife and mother, a life partner and a keeper of a good home.

That is a spirit-crushing, soul-deadening realisation. It destroys a man's sense of self-worth to think like that - to realise that, no matter how hard he tries, no matter how much effort he puts into self-improvement, no matter what he does to live up to the noble ideal of the strong and virtuous God-fearing man who is ready to take on the glorious burden of fatherhood and family, it is all for naught. There are no women left with whom he can share his life.

It is at that point that some men flee Western shores for more promising avenues elsewhere. This is all to the good; America's impending destruction cannot be more than a generation away, given that there really is not an "America" that we can recognise as a distinct and real nation.

Others, though, turn to prostitutes to deal with the pain and the loneliness. I understand this impulse, though I do not necessarily fully support it; I have no real personal issue with prostitution, because I see it as a necessary "pressure release valve", if you will, that provides consenting men with straightforward sexual access to consenting women and clears out all of the stupid deadwood involved in the dating process.

The problem for Mr. Kennedy and men like him is that he made the colossally stupid mistake of thinking that the plot of Pretty Woman actually has a hope in Hell of working out in real life.

There is a reason why Hollyweird sells such nonsensical fantasies to us in film, after all.

Gentlemen, let this be an abject lesson for us all: never, ever, under ANY circumstances, think about turning a whore - in this case, a literal whore with her own suitcase shop full of baggage - into a housewife.

It will only ever end in tears - and, in the case of Mr. Kennedy, possible jail time.


  1. Venezuela may offer a good opportunity. Good prenup to minimize asset loss. She may be grateful enough to remain pleasant. I worked for my great grandfather. Basically bought an 18 y/o German girl during the depression of 1873. Had 8 kids together. Of course living on a farm probably helped. Where could she go if she was " UNHAPPY

  2. Disappointed that you used twoo wuve from Princess Bride but didn’t use Asian land war as a grade of stupid.

  3. Someone anonymous came along and posted a comment with a link to a video that is too good to miss:

    Here is another example of trying to turn a ho into a housewife: Brit takes home a bar girl for the night, marries her. Keeps her in the Philipines. She has her bad boy lover murder him.

    Good comment and all, but it REALLY annoys me to have to point out, yet again, that there are NO ANONYMOUS COMMENTS ALLOWED.

  4. This bint's facebook page is still up:

    She has two kids. Check out the photos of the kids. Just sayin'.


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