Half the battle

Before I left for my vacation I came across a rather interesting YouTube video consisting of an interview between the host of a podcast and a (rather lovely) dating and relationship coach DeAnna Lorraine.

Now, with a name like that, you'd typically expect the lady in question to be fat, black, and angry- but in fact, she has quite a few interesting things to say:



(A note to the SJW types: if you're offended at the fact that I just stereotyped black women so poorly, do what Archer suggests. Any further complaints can be addressed to P.O. Box MYASS.)

It's nice to come across an elegant and well put together woman from time to time who doesn't just blame men for the catastrophic state of the sexual market place in the Western world.

That being said, I do need to address some of the quite valid points raised by some of the commenters.

The MGTOW crowd flooded this video with strongly negative comments, and it isn't difficult to see why. For all that Ms. Lorraine correctly identifies the problems afflicting both men and women in the modern SMP, much of her advice is, unfortunately, the standard boilerplate guff that we've had to endure for many years from the pozzed Leftoids in the media and the establishment.

The "solution" for men ultimately comes down to: "grow a pair". Man up. Look for the unicorn. Find the one woman who is totally Not Like The Rest. Take a chance, put yourself out there.

Yet this is the same woman who, perhaps ten minutes earlier, had said that women cannot find good men to marry and settle down with because the risks to us are so astronomically high.

Full credit where it is due, Ms. Lorraine actually gets it. She articulates very well the insanity of the current Marriage Market Place, in which a man essentially bets his hat, ass, spats, over half of his shit, and most of his future happiness and mental health, on one woman.

As anyone who has ever tried dating in the West knows, the average Western woman these days is a loser's bet. American, British, and Australian women in the big cities are generally loud and obnoxious, they do not dress particularly well, they do not eat or drink in moderation, they do not preserve their looks or femininity as they age, and they show a severe lack of domestic skills.

Such women often show strong careerist streaks and care more about material goods than about making the men in their lives happy. The most extreme examples have deeply sad sexual histories and love lives that make even the most jaded romance writer blanch.

Ms. Lorraine understands this, and articulates it well- and rather more politely than I do, in fact.

But her advice to men is, unfortunately, more of the same.

It is at this point that I must respectfully part ways with Terrence Popp and the other MGTOW types who left some rather heated comments about the video.

Those comments focus heavily, indeed almost exclusively, upon Ms. Lorraine's use of the phrase, "grow some balls". This does Ms. Lorraine and her host a disservice, in my opinion.

Ms. Lorraine's basic point is lost in all of the angry gesticulating and posturing in the comments section: Men should work on improving themselves.

And she is right about that.

The fact is that we men, individually and collectively, should be working to become the best versions of ourselves that we can possibly be. That means putting ourselves out there and taking risks, trying new things, and in the process making ourselves more interesting and well-rounded as men.

This is not easy. Being a true modern man- a man who has traveled, who has spent time alone, who takes fastidious but not excessive care over his clothes and appearance, who reads and broadens his mind, who stays fit and strong, and who fights for what he believes in- is damned hard work.

To which I simply shrug and say: so what?

Nobody ever said that being a man was supposed to be easy, after all.

If we judge women like Ms. Lorraine only on their insistence that shy men, or introverted men- kindly note, they are NOT the same things- need to "man up" and ask "strong independent women" out more often, then we run the risk of simply shutting them out when they actually do say sensible and valid things.

Again, let us give credit where it is due. Ms. Lorraine and her host are both surprisingly even-handed in their approach. They note that feminism has been nothing short of a catastrophe for Western men- and it has been even worse, in some ways, for Western women. We of the Manosphere have been saying this for many years, and now it would appear that women are beginning to realise that we were right.

Equality is truly an impossible dream. Men and women were never intended to be equal- how can we possibly be? Our biological functions and imperatives are so radically different that equality is simply not possible.

As Rollo Tomassi has pointed out so eloquently, men and women have fundamentally different reproductive strategies.

Men are driven by the urge to mate with as many attractive women as possible, in order to maximise the probability of successfully passing on our genes. And this is because, as I and so many other Manosphere writers have pointed out so many times already, men are expendable. Individually, we just aren't worth very much; that is why we produce countless trillions of sperm during our lifetimes, and that is why, historically, only about one in two, or even one in three, men on average have actually sired children.

Some men were incredibly successful in siring children. The Mongolian warlord, conqueror, emperor, pillager of pussy, and all-around badass among badasses Genghis Khan comes to mind; apparently something like 8% of the entire population in the region of the former Mongol empire can trace its DNA back to him, which amounts to 0.5% or so of all men and women alive today.

The rest of us got killed off in wars or by disease, died from overwork and starvation, got mauled to death hunting sabretooth tigers and lions, or were just plain too butt-ugly and unsuccessful to be worth a damn to most women.

As for women- they are driven by the biological urge to reproduce with the highest-status man that they can find. And that is because, for them, reproduction is damned expensive in physical and material terms. Child-bearing and rearing takes a tremendous toll on a woman's physical strength and mental health; the extraordinarily long time taken to raise a human child from infancy to adulthood is the direct price that we must pay for the fact that, relative to our body mass, we have the biggest and most powerful brains out of all of the animals.

Marriage as a concept and a practice is one way- and, to date, probably by far the most successful one- of resolving the conflict between the two imperatives. For centuries and millennia marriage was about practical unions designed to produce strong, healthy offspring and reduce conflicts between tribes and nations that wasted resources and killed off fighting-age men.

Both parties gained significantly from marriage. Men gained exclusive sexual access to a woman, thereby greatly reducing the immense costs and frustrations that we incur from courtship and mating. Women gained resources, provisioning, and safety for themselves and their offspring, thereby allowing them to concentrate on what they do best.

Where we as a culture and a species have gone HORRIBLY wrong in the last fifty years is in insisting that men and women are actually the same.

We are not the same, and women like Ms. Lorraine who recognise this and call out this nonsense actually do get it.

Where Ms. Lorraine and her female clients still need some help, though, is in realising that their educations and qualifications do not appeal to us men in any way, shape, or form.

In all honesty, women who decide to go for a college degree and a career are almost certainly wasting their time, energy, and (often) someone else's money.

Indeed, let's put it rather more bluntly and be realistic: educating women is, by and large, a waste of time.

That will probably cause quite a lot of butthurt even among the (very few) female readers that I have, but of course, reality doesn't give a damn about our feelings.

Note, however, that I do not state this as some blanket assertion made by a knuckle-dragging caveman. I state it as a man who comes from a family of highly educated, highly qualified women.

My mother has a Bachelor's in History, a Master's in International Relations, and a B.Ed. Her sister has two degrees in Physics and a Ph.D in Neuroscience. My father's sister is a doctor. My sister is studying for her Master's.

Three out of four of those women have created successful families. (My sister has a long way to go on this front.)

Yet, by and large, if you look at where they went in terms of their careers, the hard truth is that their qualifications were not useful when it came to actually creating and building families.

And that is the reality that Ms. Lorraine and her ilk don't quite seem to understand yet.

By all means, let women wake up and realise that feminism is one gigantic con job. Let them turn their backs on this nonsense and go back to being traditional housewives and mothers. Let them abandon careers and materialistic pursuits in favour of partnership with strong, capable husbands and fathers.


But do not then turn around and argue, as far too many supposedly "enlightened" women do these days, that women should also go to college and go into the workforce and earn livings and so on. You cannot have it both ways.

Ultimately the parlous state of sexual and marital relations between men and women these days is, actually, the fault of men. And that is because of a fundamental truth about men and women: men are certainly expendable, but we are the ones who build and maintain the culture. We determine whether our women stay true to their natures and biologically designed roles.

And if we decide not to do our damned jobs, and instead encourage our women to do precisely what we know will eventually make them unhappy and leave them single as their best chances for motherhood and family dwindle into nothingness, then that is on us.

We have to fix it, not them. The culture is determined by men, not women.

Think about it carefully and you will see how this is so. Do you honestly believe that the women's suffrage and first- and second-wave feminist movements would have succeeded, were it not for the active assistance and participation of men?

In closing, I am reminded of the way that the old G.I. JOE cartoons from the 80s used to close out, with those cheesy public service announcements, in which some kids would inevitably be caught doing something stupid, and one of the Joes would correct them. They would turn around and say, "Now we know!", and Duke or Flint or Mutt or Sgt. Slaughter or whoever would say, "And knowing is half the battle!"

Well, now women, thanks to Ms. Lorraine and others like her, KNOW that they were sold a complete bill of goods by the feminists and the cultural Marxists.

And that, my friends, is indeed half the battle.

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