The correct way to thank the Almighty

LTC Tom Kratman came through with his promised update to his original Thanksgiving prayer from 2004, and... well, it's perfect:
Dear Lord, as You know, for the last eight years I’ve tried to update this special prayer for this special day to account for changed circumstances and I just never could. Sorry, God, but, as I am sure You know and understand, I kept hanging up on the obvious opening line, “My Lord, my God, why have you forsaken us?” 
Well, You sure came through for us this time. So, God, in humble gratitude to you, and in honor of this special day that marks the unique covenant between you and the United States, I offer this prayer. 
We thank You, Lord, for the election. We thank You that Hillary Clinton, AKA Felonia von Pantsuit, will not be getting close to the White House china, silver, crystal, and furniture again. We and the shade of Abraham Lincoln also thank You that neither she nor her husband will be auctioning off nights in his bedroom anymore. We and Abe also offer a special thanks that none of us, and especially President Lincoln, will be faced with the prospect and reality of Huma Abedin taking Monica Lewinsky’s place under the Oval Office desk. Or, at least, not anymore. 
Hmmm…speaking of Huma, Lord, could You maybe arrange for her to turn state’s evidence against her employer? It’s not so much that we want the Hildebeest prosecuted, which is fraught with all kinds of negative side effects, as that we think the suffering of betrayal would be good for her soul…yeah…that’s the ticket…good for her soul.
Not buying that, huh, Lord? Well, please think about it some even so. 
Lord, we thank you for the ponds, lakes, rivers, and oceans of tears shed by liberals and lefties all over the world, but especially here. Yes, Lord, we know it’s not nice to gloat, either…but, again, we think that suffering is good for the soul and, You know, there are some souls that desperately need some suffering. 
We thank You, God, that most of the pollsters have been shown to be the untrustworthy, lying, partisan hacks we’ve long suspected they were. 
And Lord, thank You, too, for the little things; that the investigation of the criminal money laundering machine that is the Clinton Foundation may proceed, unimpeded; that the kiddie trafficking ring alleged to revolve around a DC pizza joint may be likewise investigated and either legitimately dismissed, or that the perps each be properly sentenced to at least life and a day without possibility of parole, each with his own two hundred and forty pounds of pure muscle biker cellmate named “Bubba.” 
Yes, Lord, we Catholics know: Purgatory for that sentiment. But even so… 
We ask You, too, O Lord, to ensure that our president-elect, Donald Trump, remembers and keeps his promises to us, to build the wall, to deport the illegals, to stop further infiltration by unvetted Muslim terrorists, to denounce the trade agreements that have impoverished our working class, and that he remember, as well, that if he doesn’t we’ll toss his ass out of the White House in disgrace in four years. 
We could in our vanity and arrogance ask for more, O Lord, that the four most left-leaning members of the Supreme Court go down in the same fiery plane crash, that California secede so that we can recognize it, mobilize against it, invade it, conquer it, crush it, and then restructure as a territory sin suffragio en perpetua, but that would be terribly presumptuous of us. 
Besides, that’s what Christmas is for. 
Amen.
Thanksgiving at my uber-liberal extended family's house this year is, as far as I am aware, still on. However, I haven't spoken to my aunt since mid-June, when she and I had a civilised and polite discussion (read: she damn near had a heart attack and then spent the next hour trying to talk over me) about the fact that I supported, and still support, Donald Trump.

In fact, I got the distinct impression yesterday that a massive smoking crater had formed in the ground where their big house used to be, probably at around 1am when it became perfectly clear that The Donald had won.

So even if Thanksgiving is on at their place this year, I suspect the atmosphere is going to be very much like that of a wake.

Which is why I'm quite looking forward to showing up wearing a "Trumpslide" T-shirt. To, y'know, add a bit of colour to the festivities.

And then, of course, I will look forward to saying my own version of a Thanksgiving prayer, which will give proper and due deference to the Lord's majestic charity and divine grace, and which will end with the words:
And finally, I give thanks to the Lord for the fact that I can say these words- which at certain points in the last 6 months I thought I would never be able to say: thank you, Almighty God, for PRESIDENT DONALD J. TRUMP.
Oh, it will be a Thanksgiving to remember this year, boys. Just make sure that all of those rivers of liberal tears don't make their way into the turkey stuffing and cranberry sauce- we just want to ruin their day, not our food.

After all, we're the ones who hunted and paid taxes for it.

Comments

  1. And, the endless work starts anew... Next Target? The SPLC and the ADL, who's anti-American Rhetoric has come close to ending this country again and again.

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