Apology accepted, Captain Needa

How Lord Vader reacted when J. J. Abrams told him what a crybaby his grandson had turned into
Apparently the latest blatant shameless useless naked Disney cash grab STAR WARS spin-off is not turning out to be quite as brilliant as the Mousketeers had hoped:
It has a release date that is not so far, far away. 
But Disney bosses are apparently so alarmed at how bad the new Star Wars spin-off movie Rogue One is that they have ordered four weeks of expensive reshoots in a bid to salvage the project. 
After the money-making bonanza that was The Force Awakens, they are reportedly shocked at the poor quality of the new film, which takes place shortly before the original Star Wars and features delicate English starlet Felicity Jones as a tough-talking maverick pilot. 
A source told Page Six: 'The execs at Disney are not happy with the movie, and Rogue One will have to go back into four weeks of expensive reshoots in July. 
And it seems up-and-coming director Gareth Edwards, best known for 2014's Godzilla, is the person being fingered for the blame. 
According to the insider, 'Gareth’s work on the first Godzilla shows he can handle a big studio blockbuster. 
'But Rogue One has fallen short of what JJ Abrams did with Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens. So Disney has ordered reshoots.' 
'Disney won’t take a back seat, and is demanding changes, as the movie isn’t testing well.' 
Given how JJ's effort is hardly a work of cinematic high art, and more of a high octane remix of the first Star Wars than anything remotely original, the fact the new film has failed to reach the same standard is surely alarming for fans of the beloved franchise. 
The plot reportedly sees resistance fighters embark on a daring mission to steal the plans for the Death Star before it can be used to enforce the Emperor’s cruel rule.
Right, you motley lot that read this pokey little blog! Hands raised if you're surprised by this news!

###Crickets...###

Yeah. That's what I thought.

Precisely NOBODY with a real brain, who actually bothered to watch the godawful trailer to this SJW-converged crapfest, is in the least bit surprised that the entire thing has turned out to be terrible.

Note that the explanation for the film's terribleness centres on the director, Gareth Edwards, who as the article notes directed Godzilla (2014). Now, I have watched that movie (several times, in fact); I have to admit that I quite liked it. (Yes, I know, my taste in movies stinks. Deal with it. My taste in music, on the other hand, is of course unimpeachable.) I thought that was a rather well done monster film, with plenty of red meat for both casual fans of the Godzilla franchise, and hard-core otaku types who live and breathe the canon.

So I am more than a little sceptical at the notion that the director is entirely to blame for the SJW-crafted shit-sandwich that was initially going to be foisted upon us.

I suspect that the problems with the new film are far more fundamental than this. As the saying goes, the fish rots from the head down. The director may be the tip of the problem, but beneath him is a cadre of screenwriters and casting agents that thought that the appropriate way to follow up the worst STAR WARS film of all time would be to create a movie packed with ever more feminist propaganda, ever more social-justice nonsense, and even less by way of plot or great action.

(And yes, I do count the Star Wars Holiday Special, as well as Ewoks: The Battle for Endor, in that comparison with STAR WARS VII: The Force Awakens. I hated that J. J. Abrams shitstorm THAT MUCH.)

The re-shoots probably will not help the finished product, if past history is any indication. Remember a movie from back in 2013 called G.I. Joe: Retaliation? It was a sequel to a rather successful 2009 film called G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra. I saw that first movie, and, well, I actually kind of liked it. (Comments about my appalling taste in movies below, please.) It was loud, it was brainless, and it was unbelievably silly in oh so many ways. But its stupidity had a certain charm to it.

This didn't exactly hurt its appeal either. Although I have to say, that armour strikes me as WILDLY impractical.
The sequel, however, apparently registered very poorly with test audiences, due in no small part to the decision taken by the writers and the director to kill off Channing Tatum's character- or something like that. So Paramount sent the movie back for extensive re-shoots and delayed the sequel's release by a year, which had some rather painful consequences for the product placements and tie-ins that were supposed to be bundled with it.

The end result? Well, the sequel still sucked. It just sucked slightly less than it would have otherwise.

Given that we're dealing with an SJW-infested production in this particular case, the Disney execs who made the hard decision to send STAR WARS: Rogue One back for re-shoots probably made the wrong choice. They should have simply strangled the project outright and shoved its decaying remains back into the dungeons underneath their magic castle.

Believe me, it would have been a kinder fate for all concerned. This new STAR WARS movie is going to blow. And there is nothing that anyone can do about it.

As for me, I grew up watching the original trilogy. I can still quote from it chapter and verse. I still have an unholy amount of expanded universe rattling around in my skull. I would be happiest if they just euthanised the franchise now, and let those fond memories stay. The original films were works of cinematic brilliance (well, the first two were, and so was maybe the latter third of Return of the Jedi). Leave them be, and stop trying to recreate their magic. It died long ago; let it rest in peace.

Comments

  1. For a loooong time I thought I must have misremembered there being a "Star Wars" special, but yes, I actually saw it as a child.

    Filed under "show me where George Lucas touched your memories as a child...."

    ReplyDelete
  2. after watching the mangina awakens, there is no way i'm going to see anymore star wars films in the theater. if i hear even a tiny bit of sjw nonsense around a movie, i'm not going to give them my money.

    ReplyDelete
  3. G.I. Joe: Retaliation was superior in every way to the execrable pile of snake shit that was "Rise of Cobra" and it wasn't even all that good. Its predecessor was just that horrible.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

NO ANONYMOUS COMMENTS. Anonymous comments will be deleted.

Popular Posts