Saturday, 31 January 2015

The crazy gun lovers of Texas

... are bloody well on to something:


I've been to Texas a few times- although I imagine that, as far as most Texans are concerned, Houston is probably a few steps from Sodom down the list of places condemned by God.

(I'm not saying it's a terrible place, I actually liked Houston; I'm just saying it's liberal, by Texan standards.)

One of those trips involved a visit to San Antonio. Yes, I got to see the Alamo. It was an incredible experience. I don't buy into the mythology of the Alamo quite as much as many Americans do, but I get why they revere the place so much.

From my experiences, the Texans are a warm, friendly, hospitable, courtly, and deeply religious people who did much to make me feel welcome. Of course, it doesn't hurt that I happen to be even more of a right-wing nut job than the average Texan, but that doesn't change the fact that the Texans- again, based on my experiences- are a great and good people.

And when it comes to guns, knives, rocks, and other weapons, they damn well have the right idea: more is definitely better.

Also, Halfbreed is from the San Antonio area. (Er, at least, I think he is.) That, along with the Alamo, counts a long way in their favour.

So, next time you're planning a trip down South, why not visit Texas? They never shut up about their wide open spaces, after all.

"I'M the real victim here!"

gamergate_icon.jpg
Sorry boys, I couldn't find a picture of Ivy Valentine's titanic tits with the #Gamergate logo on them... I'll try to do better next time
"Oh please please PLEASE you have to believe me!":
Almost every day, for the past six months, Zoe Quinn has received rape and death threats. 
She gets called a bitch, a c*** and worse. [Didact: A woman who claims to be equal to men as a game designer can't handle the criticism, and then wants us to feel sorry for her?]
Every few hours, someone tries to hack into her online accounts. She gets messages from people saying they’re outside her house. 
It means she hasn’t been able to live at home for the past six months – she doesn’t even have in a permanent location, so the online mob can’t track her down. 
This abuse has been happening ever since Quinn, 27, started developing video games. Most of it centres around the fact that she’s a woman working in ‘a man’s world.’ [Didact: The hell it is, Bonobo-Nose. Do your damn homework next time.]
But it intensified last year, when a movement called #Gamergate started. 
The hashtag was ostensibly used to debate the questionable relationship between journalists and games developers. 
But it was used by video games fans around the world to troll Quinn and other female games critics. The abuse they received was horrific. 
Quinn herself was the victim of an attack by a former boyfriend, who published a blog post naming a list of men she'd allegedly slept with, a number of who are video games journalists. It led to her receiving threats, having her personal details hacked, being forced to move out of her house and becoming a victim of revenge porn. 
“Things haven’t really quietened down at all. I’m trying to figure out what my life is now," Quinn tells me. 
"It seems to be - with long-term harassment - that it doesn’t calm down. 
“Considering how people are really escalating this, I definitely can’t be at home. I don’t want to deal with someone trying to kill me.[Didact: That's what handguns are for, dumbass. Get one.]
Think she's exaggerating? Quinn tells me about the vivid rape fantasies she's sent constantly and describes it like "having acid poured on your heart". 
Of course, many people who've experienced similar abuse online have simply deleted their social media accounts and retreated offline, in an attempt to escape the threats. 
This has never crossed Quinn’s mind. 
“I’ve lived my entire life online," she explains. "Growing up in a small town in upstate New York, some of the first real friendships I had were in chat rooms. My entire career is online – I create games on the web. 
They’re very clearly trying to create an example out of me. 
“Plus I love making games. It’s not something I’m going to give up because some a**holes want me to”.
This is what happens when you let a woman with more nose than brains have her own column at a once-respected daily newspaper's "Women" section.

Radhika Sanghani new b&w
And you thought I was joking about her nose
You end up with the worst kind of literary onanist, who never once stops to check her facts, her sources, or her conclusions.

Well, since Ms. Sanghani can't be bothered to check the facts of Ms. Quinn's statements, it falls on us here in the Androsphere to do her job for her. Which, of course, Matt Forney already did last year. The gatekeepers of gaming journalism have been exposed for the ethical frauds and liars that they are, and in response they have quietly been modifying their ethics codes, but if you read Ms. Sanghani's article and you didn't know any better, you'd think that all we're doing is persecuting an innocent woman for allegedly sleeping with her boss at Kotaku.

Ms. Sanghani writes an opinion column for the Daily Telegraph and is not, to my knowledge, paid to be a reporter for that paper. That is a very good thing, because if Ms. Sanghani were a paid journalist and she produced a news article this execrable, she should have been fired immediately. And then barred from ever working as a journalist again.

Since she is an opinion writer and not a journalist, she is therefore fully entitled to produce her own opinions and be as one-sided and as idiotic as she pleases- provided that she accepts responsibility for the consequences of her stupidity.

As is usual for a woman in this day and age, though, she appears to think that simply because she is a woman, she doesn't need to be held accountable for the words of her mouth (or keyboard, in this case).

In this case, it is clearly evident that she did not do her homework and produced only one side of the #Gamergate story. She is incapable of understanding that #Gamergate is a diverse movement that exists to reverse years of anti-gamer hatred and prejudice within mainstream gaming journalism.

Ms. Sanghani, there is nothing "alleged" about Ms. Quinn's actions. We know that she slept with her boss, Nathan Grayson. We know that Kotaku hates real gamers, or did before they got exposed as douchebag hack journalists literally sleeping with their subjects. We know that she has worked to kill projects by other indie game developers because they do not kowtow sufficiently to the Social Justice Warrior's creed. We know that Zoe Quinn has posted nude pictures of herself online (link is work-safe)- which proves that, in addition to being an insufferable idiot, she is also far from innocent as you would have us believe.

Indeed, her article is a perfect illustration of everything that #Gamergate stands for- which, incidentally, is everything that SJW types like Ms. Sanghani hate.

We are fed to the back teeth of seeing articles like Kotaku's ridiculous "Gamers Are Dead" screed- which that very same organisation then desperately tried to redact- that insult our intelligence and the pastimes that we love.

We have had enough of being told by the neckbeards of the gaming journalism establishment- many of whom appear never to have gone anywhere near real games for years- that we are misogynists and fools for playing video games with masculine heroes and pneumatic heroines.

And we will not tolerate being told what to think and how to play. Not now, not ever again.

Those like Ms. Sanghani who insist on presenting just one side of the story without doing their background research do not deserve our attention, our time, or our money. They deserve nothing less than the most withering scorn, contempt, and bile.

Thursday, 29 January 2015

Don't have sex with British women

In "the world is totally fucked and we should just give up now" news ...
Given what you'll read below, these might actually be good shirts to wear on a first date
Because now, you'll now have to prove that she said "yes" to being porked:
Men accused of date rape will need to convince police that a woman consented to sex as part of a major change in the way sex offences are investigated. 
The Director of Public Prosecutions said it was time for the legal system to move beyond the concept of “no means no” to recognise situations where women may have been unable to give consent. 
Alison Saunders said rape victims should no longer be “blamed” by society if they are too drunk to consent to sex, or if they simply freeze and say nothing because they are terrified of their attacker. 
Instead, police and prosecutors must now put a greater onus on rape suspects [Didact: also known as ALL heterosexual single men] to demonstrate how the complainant had consented “with full capacity and freedom to do so”. 
Campaigners described the move as “a huge step forward” in ensuring fewer rapists escape justice.  
New guidance will be issued to all police forces and prosecutors as part of a “toolkit” to move rape investigations into the 21st century. 
Mrs Saunders said: “For too long society has blamed rape victims for confusing the issue of consent - by drinking or dressing provocatively for example - but it is not they who are confused, it is society itself and we must challenge that. 
“Consent to sexual activity is not a grey area - in law it is clearly defined and must be given fully and freely. 
“It is not a crime to drink, but it is a crime for a rapist to target someone who is no longer capable of consenting to sex though drink. 
“These tools take us well beyond the old saying 'no means no' - it is now well established that many rape victims freeze rather than fight as a protective and coping mechanism. [Didact: SO. MUCH. FAIL.]
“We want police and prosecutors to make sure they ask in every case where consent is the issue - how did the suspect know the complainant was saying yes and doing so freely and knowingly?” 
Mrs Saunders, who was speaking at the first National Crown Prosecution Service/Police Conference on Rape Investigations and Prosecutions in London, said the guidance should not only cover situations where someone is incapacitated through drink or drugs, but also where “a suspect held a position of power over the potential victim - as a teacher, an employer, a doctor or a fellow gang member”. 
The ability to consent to sex should also be questioned where the complainant has mental health problems, learning difficulties or was asleep or unconscious at the time of the alleged attack, she said. 
The new guidance also covers domestic violence situations and those where “the complainant may be financially or otherwise dependent on their alleged rapist”. 
Around 85,000 women per year are victims of rape in the UK, of whom 90 per cent know the perpetrator. [Didact: This "85,000" number is pure, unadulterated, Grade A Bee Ess. See below for details.]
The most recent figures showed that just 15,670 women reported rapes to the police, often because they thought it would be impossible to prove the offence, or because they did not have any confidence in the police’s ability to help them, with only 1,070 convictions resulting from the 2,910 cases that got to court
As if sexual relations between men and women in the West weren't FUBARd enough already, the burden of proof is now placed upon men to demonstrate that they received unambiguous consent to sexual relations.

The penalty for not getting this, in a fashion that can be proven in court, is potentially the utter destruction of his reputation, livelihood, career prospects, and financial health.

The reward for obtaining such consent is... sex with a woman. Who can still change her mind afterwards and argue that she didn't really mean it when she said "let's f[ornicate]". If the sex was bad, or if she thought you were too rough, or if... well, I suppose I should keep this as PG as possible, so let's just say, if certain unexpected sounds were to be heard, under British law, she now has every right to claim that she'd had too much to drink and was not really in a position to give consent.

That leaves you and Mr. Happy there looking at a false rape conviction, that just got much harder to fight. All for the sake of getting some strange.

Dunno about you, but it's difficult for me to make the equation balance there.

Indeed, the only way to avoid such a disastrous outcome would be to quite literally record her consent in electronic and written form. It would be rather interesting to see how that would happen- how exactly does a man enjoy, er, congress properly when he's constantly worried that his phone might run out of batteries while recording every moment of the interaction, so that he might avoid the deathly peril of a false rape charge?

Indeed, the endless possibilities here beg the question- how exactly would one go about getting a form that is both appropriately ridiculous and legally defensible in a court of law?

We in the Androsphere are immensely fortunate that one of the best of us, Badd Popp no less, has taken it upon himself to not only write out a full Coitus Consent Form, but various supplementary forms, such as an Objects of Use Addenda specifying exactly what might be used during, er, the act; an S&M addenda for the bondage fetishists; and of course a Gangbang Rider for the really slutty girls.

(You'll find those in Brighton. Or is it Brixton? I never could quite figure out the difference.)

68cf51ca3f1e7e5e97f3e103b3562371.jpg
Crazy bastard with a wicked sense of humour- God love him!
And that, gentlemen, is the end of the snark, because this is about as deadly serious an intrusion into male freedom as we will ever see in our lifetimes. If you're a straight man- whether single, married, or otherwise- and you're reading this, and you're not shocked at the sheer stupidity of these ideas, you're not paying much attention.

Let us be very clear about one thing: rape- real rape, not the imaginary kind that women can claim months or years after the fact- is not to be tolerated. It is violence. It is abuse. It is literally an exercise in raw, naked power. It is a dishonourable and cowardly act, and those who perpetrate it- both men and women- are unworthy of mercy or temperance in sentencing.

However, it is one thing to acknowledge true rape for the horrific act that it is. It is quite another to enforce laws so draconian that they presume men are automatically guilty until and unless proven innocent. That is a grotesque perversion of the entire purpose of the law.

And it is pure psychotic evil to pass such a law on the basis of bad data and made-up numbers.

According to the article referenced above, "85,000" women a year are raped in Great Britain every year. However, a look at the actual Crime Survey of England and Wales tells us a very different story.

Because I am a mathematician by training, I'm not intimidated by doing some basic number-crunching- unlike, say, the people who seem to make the laws in this country, or the anti-rape crusaders who are so hell-bent on stopping rape that they are willing to ignore inconvenient facts in order to push their own evil agenda.

The crime statistics tell us that there were only 24,043 rapes committed in England and Wales in the year from October 2013 to September 2014. Of those 24,043 rapes, the supplemental data in Appendix Table 4a tell us that 21,532 such crimes were committed against women, across all age groups.

Do a little MAFF and that tells you that 2,511 rapes were committed against men. Whether these horrific acts were perpetrated by men or women is not revealed by the data set, but given that women can and absolutely do rape men, it is safe to argue that at least some of those acts were committed by women.

Yet we do not hear impassioned cries from these ardent anti-rape zealots to have women subjected to the same standard as men- not, of course, that this is the least bit surprising.

Returning to the data set concerning rape in England and Wales- the total number of "rapes and other sexual assaults" comes to a bit over 72,000. Since the data set excludes Scotland and Northern Ireland, we are led to conclude that if the proportions of actual rapes to total sexual assaults (about 33%) hold steady for the other two regions, and if the 85,000 figure is believable (it patently is not), then there have been a total of 28,000 or so rapes in the time period under consideration.

And assuming that the proportions of men being raped are also constant between all regions in the United Kingdom, we can therefore conclude that roughly 2,950 men of all ages were actually raped between 2013 and 2014.

I ask again- where are the voices calling for women who rape men to be subjected to the same draconian standards that men are now forced to deal with before engaging in sexual relations?

Oh, but wait, there's more:
Based on aggregated data from the ‘Crime Survey for England and Wales’ in 2009/10, 2010/11 and 2011/12, on average, 2.5 per cent of females and 0.4 per cent of males said that they had been a victim of a sexual offence (including attempts) in the previous 12 months. This represents around 473,000 adults being victims of sexual offences (around 404,000 females and 72,000 males) on average per year. These experiences span the full spectrum of sexual offences, ranging from the most serious offences of rape and sexual assault, to other sexual offences like indecent exposure and unwanted touching. The vast majority of incidents reported by respondents to the survey fell into the other sexual offences category. 
It is estimated that 0.5 per cent of females report being a victim of the most serious offences of rape or sexual assault by penetration in the previous 12 months, equivalent to around 85,000 victims on average per year. Among males, less than 0.1 per cent (around 12,000) report being a victim of the same types of offences in the previous 12 months. 
Around one in twenty females (aged 16 to 59) reported being a victim of a most serious sexual offence since the age of 16. Extending this to include other sexual offences such as sexual threats, unwanted touching or indecent exposure, this increased to one in five females reporting being a victim since the age of 16
Around 90 per cent of victims of the most serious sexual offences in the previous year knew the perpetrator, compared with less than half for other sexual offences.
Read the bits that I've highlighted again, and carefully.

Only 0.5% of women have actually been the victims of real, forceful penetrative rape over a given 12-month period.

For this, we are now supposed to believe that it is right and just to presume that any male who has sex with a woman, ever, must automatically assume the burden of proof to show that the act was consensual? For 0.5% of all women?!?!

It gets even better, though. (Or worse, depending on your point of view.) Feminists love to trot out that ridiculously fatuous "one in five women has been raped in her lifetime" factoid. They never miss an opportunity to browbeat politicians and the stupid, the weak, and the gullible into believing this hogwash. And they do it with utter impunity.

They do it because they are EVIL. They do it because- at least until fairly recently- no one was ever willing to publicly challenge their stupidity. They do it because they can get away with it.

Not any more.

Their most cherished statistic is pure vapour. The only way anyone can get to that "one in five" figure is if one stretches the definition of sexual assault to and past the breaking point, to include all possible instances in which a woman might feel in any way uncomfortable due to "sexual threats, unwanted touching or indecent exposure".

Does that last one count women who uploaded nude pictures of themselves to their cloud accounts and then were horrified to discover their nude bodies displayed all over teh interwebz?

Because if it does, then by that definition, every porn star, ever, has been the victim of a sexual assault.

Sunny Leone in Bigg Boss house
Sunny Leone, former porn star- clearly a victim of sexual assault right there. Quick, get some white knight to charge to her defence!
Yet again, we are seeing laws being passed with the best of intentions that actively harm innocent people. The people behind these new laws sought to banish even the threat of rape from the minds of innocent women. They went about it in completely the wrong way- by perverting the entire purpose of the law, which exists strictly to protect us from each other, especially the innocent.

When the law has progressed from attempting to protect the innocent, to framing one group of people as automatically culpable while assuming without any justification whatsoever that another is guiltless by default, it has become an instrument of evil and must be destroyed.

And what of these women that the law would protect?

Are we now to believe that women should be permitted to act as foolishly as they please and yet be protected from the consequences of their idiocy?

Are we to simply accept that a woman who has so little self-control and such poor judgement that she allows herself to become drunk beyond the point of giving rational consent, should therefore be allowed a free pass when she drunkenly propositions a man for sex and then regrets it afterwards?

Are we to resign ourselves to sleeping with women only under their terms, when they feel like it, and only if they make us jump through hoops?

Fortunately, we have one very powerful weapon to use in this war- and it's about damn time we started using it.

As has been said here and elsewhere many times before, women are the gatekeepers of sex- but men are the gatekeepers of commitment. (As Uncle Bob once put it- "any woman can get laid and any man can get married".)

Women seek commitment and security, which is provided in exchange for sex and a secure genetic legacy for a man. One cannot exist without the other. If these petty tyrants and fools who passed these idiotic laws really want us to follow them, then let us take them at their word- and stop having sex with British women entirely.

They're just not worth it at this point. You'd have to put your little head under lock and key just to get a roll in the hay now and then with one of them.

Go Galt on these harpies. They are not worth your time, your money, your affections, and they sure as hell are not worth your seed.

(I am very sorry that I had to send you to the website of a known SJW and troll. LaidNYC is sadly no longer among us; his blog is shuttered. So I have to resort to debasing all of us by going to sources that quoted him- sources that hate and mock everything good and decent in this world.)

Let them suffer from this insanity of their own creation. Let them boil in the pit created by their own sins. You, as a free, thinking man, should simply walk away from them. Live your life, free and happy, having sex with women from less insane cultures where women are still feminine and the law is still at least somewhat rational and doesn't treat anyone with a Y chromosome as an automatic enemy of the state.

There really isn't any choice left. They have taken our choices from us. They should not then be surprised when their Utopian schemes literally blow up in their faces.

John C. Wright on blue sci-fi

To quote in full:
The social commentary involved in stories where a brawny space-privateer in a torn shirt and broken power-armor is firing a vehicle-mounted automatic weapon one-handed upon an undead but rampaging vampire-lord Tyrannosaurus Rex thundering down the blood-soaked golden streets of primordial Atlantis risen, drenched in seaweed and eldritch lore, to the surface of the unquiet sea due to the evil influence of the Red Demon Star of Gthothmorg during a near-collision with Sol while a buxom yet lithe cavegirl in a leopardskin bikini clings to his manly yet roguish thigh, her flint-napped dirk held calmly in her brave yet slender hand (pause to draw breath) is summed up in the word AWESOMSAUCE.
Manowar backdrop wallpaper
Pictured: AWESOMESAUCE.
Admittedly, it's artwork from the MANOWAR site, but the point remains.
Remember, my friends, only you can stop puppy sadness!

To do so, sign up as a member of one of the various sci-fi writing and comic book conventions that vote for the prestigious literary awards in the field of SF/F, namely the Hugo and Nebula awards. Vote for works written by the Evil Legion of Evil, which are full of nasty and horrible things like interesting plots, fully fleshed-out characters, epic battles between good and evil, brilliant far-future and high-fantasy ideas, and everything else that the SJW crowd hates so much.

I hope Brad Torgersen has these available as jacket patches...

Wednesday, 28 January 2015

A worse love story than Twilight

If such a thing could even possibly exist, this might be a contender:



This reminds me of what happened last Friday night when I was doing my heavy powerlifting workout. These two really rather fetching young ladies walked in- a blonde and a brunette- and proceeded to head over to the mats to warm up and/or stretch. They then used the leg press for about 20 minutes each- a giant waste of time, of course, you might as well do proper squats instead- and then went back to the mats to stretch.

Now, the brunette did the sensible thing and lay down with her head pointing toward me and her legs pointing toward the wall before doing her hip-thrust stretches.

The blonde, of course, was, well, blonde. So naturally, she did her hip thrusts with her legs and feet pointing straight into the free weights area.

And thereby gave the three guys in the area at the time, including yours truly, quite a good show.

Sort of like this, but much funnier
Don't you just love blondes?

young thing doing squats.....
Except when they're using Smith machines. That's just too effing stupid.

Tuesday, 27 January 2015

Poetic justice

Payback's a bitch
Ironic, ain't it?
I know we're supposed to be charitable and compassionate and all that, but there are times when schadenfreude is just too delicious to pass up. Like, say, when a church manages to solve its Gay Mafia problem by using the results of Christian charity and decency to wipe out the stains left by the perversions of its antagonists:
A group of French Catholics are wielding the sharp edge of capitalism to their advantage, having bought a gay bar next to their church so they can legally turn out the revellers within. 
It is reported the Missionaries of Divine Mercy have long enjoyed a strained relationship with the late-opening ‘Texas Bar’ on the seafront in the French Mediterranean town of Toulon. After the gay bar filed for bankruptcy and the premises was auctioned by the city to the highest bidder, the church leapt at the chance and immediately started appealing for donations. 
The missionary fund received a boost when the diocesan priest made a €15,000 donation. The website of the Mission reported that other buyers were prepared to put in higher bids for the prime seafront property, but withdrew from the sale when they saw members of the order praying during the auction. 
In a statement the Missionaries of Divine Mercy said: “You will understand the importance of this place for our evangelization in the area. So the Sodom bar will become the pub of Mercy”. [Didact: Amen, gentlemen.]
The bar will now be turned into a mission to further the Christian development of the area. 
TheLocal.fr reports some in the local gay community are not delighted by the sale. The president of the ‘Gay Power Toulon Association’ said “I would have preferred if someone else got it but they’ve wanted the place for years. 
To them, it’s like Satan is right next to their church. They’ll need a whole bunch of exorcists to get rid of everything that’s happened in there”.
They'll need a lot more than exorcists, in my opinion. I'm thinking maybe a laser vaporisation of the top 5 millimetres of every exposed surface, followed by thorough scrubbing with holy water.

There is tremendous irony to be found in the fact that this happened in France- which is a country that still believes that Communism can and does work.

It's also not specifically a victory against the gay agenda, it's really more of a demonstration of the way we can win the culture wars: by focusing on the weaknesses of our enemies and the strengths of our allies, by exploiting those same weaknesses, and by reclaiming that which was defiled, and restoring it to its natural dignity and decency.

At any rate, I wish the Missionaries of Divine Mercy all possible fortune in this endeavour. They did what needed to be done; we should all be so fortunate to receive such an opportunity.

Frozen fans are sick bastards

Well, at least they are when they start writing fan fiction. Honestly, I don't know whether to laugh my head off or be violently ill.

(I think this is safe for work- I didn't watch it past the first few minutes, it was that ridiculous. Just please, for God's sake, watch it with headphones or with the sound really, really low.)

(Oh, and SPEW WARNING. Do not consume hot beverages while watching. Didact not responsible for damaged computer screens and laptop keyboards.)


My God, What Have We Done?", Marble Hands and Heads.

We're ALL going to hell now...

At least the crazy, uh, "person" who wrote the actual story will go first. Preferably straight into the fire-and-brimstone bit.

Even so:

Still a better love story than Twilight (Prometheus edition)
Ain't it the truth

Monday, 26 January 2015

Don't cut your damn hair - pageant edition

natalie_2
Much props to our friends at Return of Kings
So apparently there are these things called "beauty pageants" that are held every year, in which very pretty young women flounce around in bikinis and other outfits and are judged to be worthy of being called "Miss World" and "Miss Universe" and other similarly ridiculous titles.

Now normally such silliness would not attract the attention of your humble servant. Like most busy men, I view these things as little more than meat shows- I don't care how impressive the CVs of these young women are (and they are very young), and I don't care how passionately they proclaim their desire for "world peace", it's just a form of performance art, and not a particularly impressive one either.

The latest Miss Universe contest, though, caught my eye- because of the furore that erupted when Miss Jamaica was placed fifth because of her short hair:
The grandfather of the Jamaican beauty queen who lost out on the Miss Universe crown has hit out at the pageant judges for being unclear about the requirements needed to win the show. 
Michael Fennell said that Kaci was the victim of ‘unwritten factors’ and that the judges should have stated if Miss Universe needed to have long hair. 
He said: 'If short hair is a problem why didn’t they say so in the contest?' 
Mr Fennell continued: ‘In my mind she was absolutely beautiful in her short hair. 
'She was different but if the judges didn't want short hair then say so. 
'I wish I knew how these contests were judged where there are other factors that are unwritten that have to be considered'. 
He also criticised those who questioned his daughter’s claims that Jamaica’s contributions to the world are Usain Bolt and Bob Marley. 
He said: ‘Of course it’s Bob Marley and Usain Bolt...the answers of the other contestants did not answer the question’. 
It's renowned for its swimwear round, stunning dresses and a seemingly never-ending array of beautiful women. 
However, last night's Miss Universe final in Miami got hotter than ever - after Miss Colombia, Paulina Vega, 22, was controversially crowned the winner of the beauty pageant. 
Instead of the usual cheering, the audience erupted into boos of disapproval as favourite-to-win Miss Jamaica Kaci Fennell only made it to fifth place. 
Shortly after Miss Fennell, 22, left the stage in the 63rd annual contest, her name began trending on Twitter along with the hashtag #MissJamaicaShouldHaveWon. [Didact: Uh, no, she shouldn't have.]
Unlike Miss Vega, who looks every-inch the beauty queen, Miss Fennell gained a large following due to her striking beauty, confidence intelligence and unconventional style - wearing her hair in a Halle Berry-esque pixie cut instead of the traditional long pageant waves. [Didact: So she got more fans for looking... worse?]
Fans claim Miss Fennell was denied the title after she proudly called Usain Bolt, the world's fastest short-distance runner, and reggae-king Bob Marley her country's greatest contributions to the world. [Didact: Yes, I can see why stoner music is considered Jamaica's great gift to the world- considering its other chief export is, well, sugar.]
Since I am not Jamaican, and since I am not related to the so-called Miss Jamaica, I could not care less who won this contest. I do, however, care about this ridiculous notion that the judges should have clearly stated that long hair is preferable over short hair.

Is this really so difficult to understand?

I have written several times at length on the reasons why short hair is deeply unappealing. To rid a woman of her long and beautiful locks is to destroy one of her most obvious signs of health, fertility, and beauty. Is it really any surprise, then, that Miss Jamaica was judged to be inferior to... well, any of the other four top contenders?

In fact, I'm quite surprised that she made it even that high up the rankings.

Take a look at this picture, and tell me which woman is the most beautiful:

The five finalists awaiting to hear their fate at the final on Sunday. Miss Jamaica had to leave the stage after coming in fifth in the contest
L-R: Hot, WTFH?!?, Hot, REALLY Hot, Pretty Hot
 Or take a look at this one, and do the same thing:

Miss Jamaica Kaci Fennell (right) with fellow contestants (left to right) Miss Australia Tegan Martin, Miss Netherlands Yasmin Verheijen, Miss Brazil Melissa Gurgel and Miss Ukraine Diana Harkush
Come on, this CAN'T be that hard to figure out
Or this one:

Miss Fennell gained a large following due to her striking beauty, confidence, and unconventional style
Fer Chrissake, even the Australian is better looking than this chick
One more:

Caterina murino 1036
Whoops. Unrelated. But... who cares?
(Yeah, that's Solange from the 2006 reboot of Casino Royale. Her real name is Caterina Murino, and... well, look at her. That, right there, is proof positive that the Lord is truly a miracle worker. Remember what I said earlier about never missing a chance to use gorgeous models to reinforce a point?)

This truly is not difficult to understand. A woman's beauty is expressed through several physical attributes- and like it or not, a woman is judged first and foremost by her looks. I don't care how much feminist nonsense you throw at me, that is simply how it is. Men and women both judge other women by looks- to a far greater degree than men and women judge other men by the same criterion. An average-looking man who has immense physical presence and charisma will make the same kind of impression that a stunningly beautiful woman in a little black dress will- it doesn't matter if both are rocket scientists or functional retards.

Frankly, if Miss Universe had been awarded to the contestant from Jamaica, the show would have lost any remaining shreds of credibility that it might still possess. Some of the most undeniably beautiful women on Earth have been crowned through this show and have successfully launched modelling and acting careers from those awards. Miss Fennell, however, was trying to channel Halle Berry, who in addition to having rather ugly short hair, does not exactly come across as a particularly decent human being when it comes to the father of her oldest child.

gabriel-aubry-halle-berryAP
Not really a great role model, in my opinion
In the end, sanity prevailed, at least this time around. The most beautiful woman won. I don't care if Miss Jamaica can juggle chainsaws while performing open-heart surgery and writing a piano concerto; if she's going to keep her hair short and ugly like that, she doesn't deserve to be crowned one of the most beautiful women in the world.

Snowpocalypse 2: The Snowening

snowpocalypse update i m reporting to you live from the aftermath of ...
Global warming, my @$$
There is probably only one good thing about spending winter in London- avoiding winter in the Northeast US:
Widespread power outages and major air traffic disruptions were feared throughout the Northeast on Monday as a massive winter storm that could bring 2 to 3 feet of snow and near-hurricane force winds slowly began its assault on the region. 
A blizzard warning was issued for New York and Boston and more than 1,800 flights had been canceled before a snowflake touched the ground — a good indication of the anticipated severity of the storm. 
It was snowing lightly in New York early Monday, the beginning of what was forecast as a treacherous, 24-hour-plus snow odyssey. 
New York City could see up to 20 inches of snow Monday into Tuesday, the weather service predicted. Parts of New England could see 2 feet or more. 
"This could be a storm the likes of which we have never seen before," New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio said at a Sunday news conference. "Don't underestimate this storm. Prepare for the worst."
Look, all joking aside, if you're in the Northeast right now, stay safe and warm over the next couple of days. I remember all too well what last winter was like; this one appears to be even worse.

Sunday, 25 January 2015

Shorts

So No More Jar Jar Binks, Then?

Change of plan: George Lucas had already been planning to make a seventh Star Wars film before he sold his company Lucasfilm to Disney, pictured in New York in June
Pictured: A former filmmaker and producer
Jabba the Lucas is apparently a bit pissed off at the fact that Disney (very wisely) ignored all of his ideas for STAR WARS VII: The Force Awakens. They even had the audacity, the bare-faced cheek, the almighty chutzpah, to turn down his kind offer to direct the movie!
George Lucas had already been planning to make a seventh Star Wars film before he sold his company Lucasfilm to Disney. 
When the auteur handed over his iconic franchise he also gave the studio his plotline for Star Wars: Episode 7. 
Disney, however, did not use any of the 70-year-old filmmakers ideas for the new installment. 
Speaking with Cinema Blend, Lucas revealed that none of his original ideas made it into the J.J. Abrams reboot. 
'The ones that I sold to Disney, they came up to the decision that they didn't really want to do those,' the iconic director said. 
'So they made up their own. So it's not the ones that I originally wrote.' 
He created the iconic double trilogy of epic space films that have earned nearly $2 billion since they first burst onto the big screen in 1977. 
And in another interview, Lucas admitted he initially wanted to direct Star Wars: The Force Awakens, which will kick off the third trilogy in the sci-fi franchise when it bows in December. 
But one of the reasons he decided not to was to spend more time with his 17-month-old daughter Everest, he revealed in an interview with USA Today.
Look, the last great movie that George Lucas directed was the original STAR WARS. That was released in 1977. And even then, he wasn't actually a very good director- it's just that his imagination and ideas were fantastic. When he directed STAR WARS Episode I: The Phantom Menace (my sister and I call it "The Phantom Headcase", and with good reason) twenty-two years later, it was very clear that he was just jerking off to a lot of CGI work instead of actually spending any time creating a great story or interesting characters.

I have very low expectations for the next film in the saga. I used to be a huge STAR WARS nerd, but the prequels, and the awful bilge of the Expanded Universe novels and comics and whatnot, have left a very bad taste in my mouth. The joy and wonder of the original trilogy died a long time ago, and I don't expect J. J. Abrams to bring them back.

You'll Need a Bigger Chainsaw, Buddy

My name is Mara Jade. I'm Hot.
Okay, to be fair, I am a big fan of Mara Jade Skywalker. And her rack.
Sticking with the STAR WARS theme for a moment, it looks like the new film is going to feed something like 30 years' worth of Expanded Universe canon straight into a woodchipper:
Star Wars is sacred to geeks. Characters in Kevin Smith movies refer to it as "the Holy Trilogy," and for almost as long as Star Wars has existed, fans have wanted to know more about the universe outside of the movies—and the canonicity of all the elements of that universe is the subject of almost ecclesiastical-scale debates. The movies are unquestionably official—they are the foundational elements of Star Wars, even Episodes I-III. However, the combined mass of video games, board games, tie-in novels, cartoons, and anything else branded with a Star Wars logo occupies a lesser tier in the hierarchy: all these things are still "official" in that they carry the logo, but they are merely part of theStar Wars Expanded Universe. 
The Expanded Universe—the "EU"—sprawls like a bloated dead thing with tentacles stretching in all directions. Everything is in there: Timothy Zahn's Thrawn series (which introduced the eponymous Admiral Thrawn, as well as fan favorite Mara Jade, the former Emperor's Hand-turned-smuggler who overcame her hatred of Luke Skywalker and became his wife). Clone Wars and The Old Republic. The Yuuzhan Vong and the death of Chewbacca. Kevin J. Anderson and all the unspeakably, unreadably bad literary atrocities for which he's responsible. 
A sci-fi universe with as long a tail as Star Wars can be death for new stories, though. Finding space among the EU to make a mark without being hamstrung by established ideas is difficult, and even keeping the EU somewhat organized is challenging. Its growth has been cancerous—like a tumor, it has no plan and no organization—it simply expands, blindly, as the collective fan engine shovels in new material. 
And like a tumor, Disney is going to rip it out.
You may have just felt a great disturbance in the Schwartz, as though a million fanboyz suddenly cried out in terror, and were suddenly silenced. Don't worry, you can cure the after-effects with a cold beer.

As far as I'm concerned, this is great news- for the most part, anyway. The reality is that the Expanded Universe is ninety-plus percent garbage. I used to keep up with it avidly- there is still a huge amount of EU lore and trivia rattling around in my skull, and you would be very ill-advised to get me started talking about how much I know because you'll never shut me up. But even I'm not going to defend the atrociously poor quality of most of the EU.

There are only a handful of interesting characters from the novels and comics and stories that deserve to be preserved. I was always a big fan of Michael A. Stackpole's and Aaron Allston's work on the X-Wing series, for instance, and Mara Jade was always a great character. (Until Karen Traviss did a really stupid thing and killed her off. Dumbass. She redeemed herself by writing the Kilo-Five Trilogy for the HALOverse, though, so there is that.)

Of all of the EU lore, I would preserve only the stories by truly great sci-fi authors like Timothy Zahn and Aaron Allston. The rest can just get chucked- it's all garbage.

Especially the Kevin J. Anderson material. Vader's Helmet, but his work was awful. And Vonda N. Macintyre, while we're at it. Oh, and Barbara Hambly's work too. And James Luceno. And Matthew Stover. And...

Well, you get the idea.

Meat is Murder

Wild Boar in Berkeley (Anna Abramson via Twitter)
The Didact's idea of a peeled snack
The skinned, bloody carcass of a dead wild boar was left in plain sight of two vegetarian restaurants in Berkeley, California on Monday, raising questions as to whether they were left there intentionally and in an attempt to send a threatening message. 
The discoveries were made on Shattuck Avenue and Adeline Street in front of two separate vegetarian restaurants, according to the San Francisco Chronicle. The first discovery was made around 9:30 a.m. near the restaurant Herbivore. But when Berkeley police arrived, the boar’s dead body was nowhere to be found. 
Several hours later, another boar carcass was discovered at the intersection of Adeline and Emerson Streets near another vegetarian restaurant named Flaco’s. The wild boar’s remains were reportedly collected and turned over to the city’s animal control center, the Chronicle notes.
Honestly, I found this hilarious. The only way this could have been better is if the boar carcasses came with free bacon-scented air fresheners. I've long maintained that you could cure vegetarianism just by handing your vegetarian and Vegan friends one of those.

Even Gun Nuts Make Mistakes

Foot in mouth award
Hey, we've all been awarded one of these at least once
Comedian and all-round great guy Bill Engvall gamely attempted to extract his foot from his digestive tract recently, after finding the meal to be not quite to his taste:
Speaking to attendees at the National Shooting Sports Foundation’s SHOT Show on January 20, comedian Bill Engvall referenced making a mistake and going along with gun control pushes during an appearance on Real Time with Bill Maher in 2011. In a tone of utter seriousness that was a complete departure from his well-known comedic persona, Engvall said he was wrong and that he realizes he should have stood up for more guns in the hands of law-abiding citizens, not more gun control. 
Engvall’s earlier gun control statement amounted to support for banning assault weapons, particularly AK-47s. 
He first made the statement during an November 2011 appearance on Maher’s show, after MSNBC’s Alex Wagner suggested we “get rid of the Second Amendment.” Engvall initially countered her by saying, “My belief is that if we take away that right to bear arms, the only people that are going to have them are … the ones breaking into your house.” 
Maher then suggested there at least be a limit on the number of guns a person can own, and Engvall made the mistake of saying, “I don’t believe there’s any reason for a person like myself to own an AK-47. I’d be willing to meet you halfway. I think you can ban guns if you can just pull the trigger and 60 bullets fire out.” 
In that instant, Engvall became persona non grata with many in his own comedy audience, an audience comprised of GOP and Second Amendment voters. And as he addressed this statement during his 2015 SHOT Show appearance, it was evident a cloud had been hanging over his head since making it.
Good for Mr. Engvall. He did right by his people and he apologised for saying something boneheaded.

Look, Bill Engvall is, by all appearances, a great guy. He's laid-back, easygoing, a devoted family man, and very, very funny. He also made the mistake of going along to get along- something that conservatives and libertarians do endlessly.

The problem here is that he tried to appear reasonable in front of an audience that is not itself even slightly reasonable. By trying to meet people who favour restrictions on your freedoms halfway, he inadvertently gave them a noose with which to hang him.

The lesson from Mr. Engvall's story is clear: never apologise. Never compromise. Never retreat even one inch when defending your freedoms. Never be willing to entertain any of their nonsense. Give the rabbits an inch, and they'll desperately try to take a mile.

Asshat of the Week

Forever In Hell
Time to rethink your life, bucko
A gazillionaire who flew to the world's biggest networking event for rich asshats at Davos, Switzerland, in a private jet, with his wife, his kids, and their nannies in tow, wants to lecture his not-filthy-rich countrymen about the fact that they have too much stuff:
A U.S. billionaire who made his fortune betting against sub-prime mortgage securities has told Americans to lower their expectations so they have 'less things' in life
Jeff Greene made his remarks after flying into Switzerland on a private jet with his 19-year younger wife, Mei Sze, children and two nannies. 
The businessman, 60, who is worth around $3billion through his investments and real estate development projects, said: 'America's lifestyle expectations are far too high and need to be adjusted so we have less things and a smaller, better existence. 
'We need to reinvent our whole system of life.' 
The 60-year-old founder of Florida-based Florida Sunshine Investments was speaking at the World Economic Forum in Davos. 
He said he was due to attend several private parties during the week, including a dinner with former British Prime Minster Tony Blair. 
In an interview with Bloomberg, he said the U.S. faces a jobs crisis that will cause social unrest and extreme politics. 
He added: 'Our economy is in deep trouble. We need to be honest with ourselves. 
'We've had a realistic level of job destruction and those jobs aren't coming back.' [Didact: He's not actually wrong about this part. Just this part, though.] 
Mr Greene was in the news just last week as his sprawling Beverly Hills compound 'Palazzo di Amore' hit the market with a $195 million asking price - making it the highest listing currently on the U.S. market. 
Mr Greene and his wife were married at the property with Mike Tyson acting as his best man. Oliver Stone and Donald Sterling looked on, according to a New York Times article at the time. 
It is not clear what plane Mr Greene used to fly into the conference.
The fact that this asshat made his fortune betting on the stupidity of his fellow Americans just makes the schadenfreude of this story that much more delicious.

Hurray for Boobies

page 3.thumbnail Page 3 Girls Go Bananas For Keeley Hazell
Page 3 girls: A lot like this, but less classy
Just when it looked like the Evil Forces of Skeletor feminists had taken away Fun Thing #4,926, Britain's The Sun newspaper turned around and pulled a nice troll job on everyone:
The Sun has printed a topless model on Page 3, ending days of speculation that the feature was dead. 
The newspaper has tweeted out a picture of Thursday’s Page 3 which features a blonde-haired model, under the headline 'clarifications and corrections', winking and baring her breasts. 
A notice underneath the picture reads: “Further to recent reports in all other media outlets, we would like to clarify that this is Page 3 and this is a picture of Nicole, 22, from Bournemouth. 
“We would like to apologise on behalf of the print and broadcast journalists who have spent the last two days talking and writing about us.” 
The campaign group No More Page 3, which began in 2012 and attracted 217,000 signatures to a petition calling for a ban, acknowledged that "the fight might be back on". 
Over the past three days, there have been no topless models on Page 3, fuelling speculation the feature was on its way out. This appeared to be confirmed by a report in The Times, a fellow News UK paper, on Tusday. 
Topless models were first introduced by the Sun in 1970, less than a year after Rupert Murdoch bought the title. 
In recent years, the paper has faced growing criticism from campaigners who said the feature was out of date in the modern world.
I don't read newspapers in print form anymore, so the fact that The Sun dropped (and then reinstated) a great British institution didn't bother me in the slightest. I personally don't read The Sun, at all, and I find the idea of Page 3 girls to be more than a little tacky.

But, hey, if young women with more boobs than brains want to display their quite ample assets in the pages of a daily newspaper and get paid good money for it, and thereby potentially launch their careers as models and actresses, I don't have the slightest problem with that. This is because I am male, and therefore have capacity for both rational thought and self-control.

Feminists, on the other hand, are capable of neither, and therefore are unable to understand that, in the name of "gender equality" and "female empowerment", they are seeking to get rid of something that provides employment, power, attention, and other warm fuzzy things to young attractive women.

Honestly, I think that every feminist is just a hideous old crone on the inside who, through foul necromancy and black magic, manages to go through daily life wearing the skin of a human being.

Oh, hey, while we're on the subject of stupid funny stuff, check this out:

Boy, does this bring back some memories of the early 2000s...

Bad News Bears, Baby!

Funny Sports Accidents
This is actually a lot less horrifying than what follows below
It's official, gents: having your woman on top of you while making the beast with two backs is actually the most dangerous way to go about getting busy:
Having a woman on top isn't quite the wild ride most men might have imagined. 
Scientists have learned that the 'woman on top' or 'cowgirl' position is the most dangerous one for men to engage in during sexual intercourse. 
According to new research, the risky position is to blame for half of all penile fractures that occur during sex. In comparison, 'doggy style' or the woman on all fours is responsible for 29per cent of injuries, while 'man on top' or 'missionary' is only liable for 21per cent. 
In the study published in Advances in Urology, researchers hypothesized that a man is prohibited from quickly stopping a painful movements when a woman has her entire body weight on his erect penis. 
However, if the man is in control, he has a better chance of minimizing injury by disengaging in harmful movements as soon as they happen. 
Of the 44 suspected penile fractures studied in three hospitals in Campinas, Brazil over the course of 13 years, 42 cases were confirmed - and evaluated in order to discover what the initial cause was. 
Twenty-eight of the men were having heterosexual intercourse during the time of injury, while six of the subjects were engaging in 'penile manipulation'. 
Four were participating in homesexual intercourse, and it was deemed to be 'unclear' how the final four men had sustained their injuries. 
Half of the patients who participated in the study heard a crack when they were first injured, followed by swelling and pain, while two of the men actually developed erectile dysfunction following the injury. 
But before you swear off your favorite position remember that penile fractures are rare. 
The researchers describe the injury as being a 'relatively uncommon clinical condition that frequently causes fear and embarrassment for the patient'. 
Despite the awkward nature of the injury, men should seeks a professional opinion as soon as they feel pain. 
According to the study, a delayed search for medical assistance following a penile fracture can 'lead to impairment of sexual and voiding functions'.
Right, chaps, who here is horrified by the idea of a penile fracture?

*** Didact tallies the votes ***

That's one hundred percent of all men. And rightly so.

Can I just say- a penile fracture is possibly the nastiest thing I've ever heard of. It's not even funny to joke about! (Note: DON'T GOOGLE THIS. I didn't. If you did, you're on your own, pal.)

It also is absolutely real. Good luck porking your wife/girlfriend/FB/Tinderella sleeping tonight.

Just goes to show, God sometimes has a weird sense of humour.