"All the better, for then we shall fight in the shade"

"Reasonable restrictions", my arse. THAT is how you deal with idiots who call for complete gun bans:

It would appear that, no matter what the gun-grabbers do, gun sales just keep going up every time we see another example of some jihadist numpty wanting to experience a premature detonation. And that is precisely how things should be.

Because, ultimately, the person most responsible for keeping you and your family safe is not the king. It is not the President. It is not the Prime Minister. It is not the government. It is not the police.

It. Is. YOU.

And where your safety, and the safety of your loved ones, is concerned, there is no room for compromise with those who would take your ability to ensure it.

Enough of compromise. Enough of going down to "honourable defeat", the way cuckservatives seem to love to do. Enough of playing nice with these monumentally stupid idiots.

This nonsense needs to stop.

The gun grabbers need to be made to understand, now and forever, that they are not against guns. They are simply against private citizens owning guns. They love guns- in the hands of government and police and militaries, which have of course proven to be so reliable and restrained in the past...

And Americans- of all walks of life- need to understand that self-defence is not merely a right. It is an absolute, God-mandated obligation. It is a duty. And with duty, as ever, comes responsibility.

Namely, it is the responsibility of every free man and woman to understand that a gun is a tool- a dangerous one that can inflict lethal harm. It is up to every such person to seek out the training that will allow him or her to handle a weapon safely- the same way that anyone can seek out training to wield a hammer, drive a car, or operate a blowtorch properly. All of these things are lethal when used incorrectly or stupidly. All of them also provide significantly greater benefits than the risks associated with them.

Any uneducated doofus who buys a gun without knowing how to use it- and, much more importantly, how to use it safely- thoroughly deserves to get smacked upside the head with a shovel. Guns are dangerous in untrained, unsteady hands. (Of course, the same can be said of kitchen knives. I don't hear anyone calling for an outright ban on cleavers.)

Fortunately, it doesn't take much to educate oneself and to become proficient in the proper use of a handgun, shotgun, or rifle.

And, as ever, there is a certain etiquette associated with such things that any well-brought-up gentleman must always observe:

As for the intellectually constipated Ms. Phoebe Maltz Bovy, she can be reached here. Let her know precisely what you think of her ideas. Do NOT make threats, do NOT be overly rude, but be uncompromising in defending the right to life and the commensurate right to self-defence that comes with it.

Here, for instance, is what I wrote to her:
Ms. Bovy, 
Your recent column on banning guns completely from private ownership was recommended to me by someone I respect. I read through it- as much as I could without falling off my chair laughing, anyway- with some interest. I say "recommended" only because it's the kindest thing I can say about your article with a straight face. You, an American living in Toronto, seem to think that your views on American gun violence- which, even by progressive standards, are counterfactual, ill-informed, and galactically stupid- are somehow part of mainstream thought simply because you write for the once-respectable progressive rag called the New Republic. 
You think you are courageous in calling for an outright ban on private ownership of guns. Nothing could be further from the truth. I call you what you are: a coward. 
You do not have the courage of your convictions. You will never walk up to the homes and businesses of the tens of millions of law-abiding American citizens, and demand that they turn over their guns because you dislike their ownership of the same. Instead, you, being the foolish rabbit that you are, want your beloved government to do it for you. (You do realise, by the way, that if your ideas went into practice, it would be those evil patriarchal privileged MEN who would have to do it, rather than delicate darlings like you? Or did that little detail escape you while you were reading French poetry?) 
I am not American. I am just a guest in this magnificent country- the country that you left behind and now lecture with all of the tiresome, finger-wagging, oblivious imagined moral superiority of your kind. Yet I understand what you do not- that the right to self-defence is absolute, and that aging, unattractive harridans like you, who would take that right from your own people, deserve nothing but scorn and contempt.
When people like you come for their guns, they will come for you. And there will be nothing that you and your kind will be able to do about it.
Yet, I am also a generous man, in my own way. If you are interested, I invite you to descend from your silly little imaginary ivory tower, go south of the border, and meet with me to drive down to a nearby gun range for a bit of target practice. I'm not even all that far away from what you consider civilisation- New Jersey has its downsides, but it's still a nice place. 
By engaging in an activity that is fun, relaxing, and practical at the same time, you may just realise that one day, a gun could save your life. You may come to realise just how seriously people like me take the issue of gun safety. Perhaps, once you get a feel for what it is you so despise, and once you realise that men like me and the members of the NRA that you vilify so readily are the last and only line of protection between you and the howling savages of this world, you will understand just what it is that motivates us to take an uncompromising stand against people like you. Right now, you simply don't have a clue.
You will not, of course, do it. You cannot. That would require actual courage, and you have none. But maybe, just maybe, you might yet prove me wrong. My faith in the Lord tells me that there is hope, even for people like you. 
In the meantime- MOLON LABE!
Come and claim them, rabbits. Show us wolves that you have some actual courage that goes beyond the agonisingly difficult decision of what kind of soy milk goes into your hazelnut mocha latte order at Starbuck's every morning.

Not, of course, that you ever will.

Oh, and on a related note:

Dear Santa Claus,

For Christmas, could you please leave this under the tree for me, along with a concealed carry permit and a lifetime membership at the nearest gun range? Don't worry about ammo, I can take care of that. Spend that effort instead on giving some much-needed help and comfort to this country's veterans, who deserve it far more than I ever could.

Much love and eternal respect,


Now THAT is a Christmas present


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