"All the better, for then we shall fight in the shade"
Your recent column on banning guns completely from private ownership was recommended to me by someone I respect. I read through it- as much as I could without falling off my chair laughing, anyway- with some interest. I say "recommended" only because it's the kindest thing I can say about your article with a straight face. You, an American living in Toronto, seem to think that your views on American gun violence- which, even by progressive standards, are counterfactual, ill-informed, and galactically stupid- are somehow part of mainstream thought simply because you write for the once-respectable progressive rag called the New Republic.
You think you are courageous in calling for an outright ban on private ownership of guns. Nothing could be further from the truth. I call you what you are: a coward.
You do not have the courage of your convictions. You will never walk up to the homes and businesses of the tens of millions of law-abiding American citizens, and demand that they turn over their guns because you dislike their ownership of the same. Instead, you, being the foolish rabbit that you are, want your beloved government to do it for you. (You do realise, by the way, that if your ideas went into practice, it would be those evil patriarchal privileged MEN who would have to do it, rather than delicate darlings like you? Or did that little detail escape you while you were reading French poetry?)
I am not American. I am just a guest in this magnificent country- the country that you left behind and now lecture with all of the tiresome, finger-wagging, oblivious imagined moral superiority of your kind. Yet I understand what you do not- that the right to self-defence is absolute, and that aging, unattractive harridans like you, who would take that right from your own people, deserve nothing but scorn and contempt.
When people like you come for their guns, they will come for you. And there will be nothing that you and your kind will be able to do about it.
Yet, I am also a generous man, in my own way. If you are interested, I invite you to descend from your silly little imaginary ivory tower, go south of the border, and meet with me to drive down to a nearby gun range for a bit of target practice. I'm not even all that far away from what you consider civilisation- New Jersey has its downsides, but it's still a nice place.
By engaging in an activity that is fun, relaxing, and practical at the same time, you may just realise that one day, a gun could save your life. You may come to realise just how seriously people like me take the issue of gun safety. Perhaps, once you get a feel for what it is you so despise, and once you realise that men like me and the members of the NRA that you vilify so readily are the last and only line of protection between you and the howling savages of this world, you will understand just what it is that motivates us to take an uncompromising stand against people like you. Right now, you simply don't have a clue.
You will not, of course, do it. You cannot. That would require actual courage, and you have none. But maybe, just maybe, you might yet prove me wrong. My faith in the Lord tells me that there is hope, even for people like you.
In the meantime- MOLON LABE!
|Now THAT is a Christmas present|