Stop speaking like an American

Resume Buzzword Bingo: A Game You Don't Want to Win
This sort of thing would drive a saint to drink
Seriously, please, just stop it:
Have some fun with it, because at the end of the day if you don’t hit the ground running you can always go back to the drawing board and get the ball rolling...
  • At the end of the day
  • Back to the drawing board
  • Hit the ground running
  • Get the ball rolling
  • Low hanging fruit
  • Thrown under the bus
  • Think outside the box
  • Let’s touch base
  • Get my manager’s blessing
  • It’s on my radar
  • Ping me
  • I don’t have the bandwidth
  • No brainer 
  • Par for the course
  • Bang for your buck
  • Synergy
  • Move the goal post
  • Apples to apples
  • Win-win
  • Circle back around
  • All hands on deck
  • Take this offline
  • Drill-down
  • Elephant in the room
  • On my plate
Business buzzwords: the only vocabulary in the world that makes Manospherese sound intelligent by comparison...

In (rather half-hearted) defence of Americans, I will admit that this isn't just a strictly colonial problem. I've noticed this sort of nonsense to be quite pervasive across the Pond in Her Majesty's realm as well. The difference, of course, is that there, at least, the biz-blab sounds halfway intelligent- naturally, since it's delivered in a British accent. Yet the words are just as stupid and just as trite.

Other spectacularly moronic terms that should have made the list: "granular", "tactical/strategic solution", "socialise", "loop in/up", "solutionise" (AAAAAARGH dear God but I HATE that one!!!), "re-engineer", and probably my most hated buzzword ever, "ALIGNMENT".

Seriously, if you find yourself needing to use buzzwords at work a lot, just stop it. Stop hurting America, you gormless bastards, and just use real English instead.

I mean, admittedly that's a little difficult, given that this country doesn't actually speak English, and hasn't done for over 200 years, but you get the basic idea. I hope...

Comments

  1. omg i hate these phrases so much. i hear at least two of them at my weekly manager's meeting. the vp loves saying these stupid things.

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    Replies
    1. The stupid use these idiotic terms to make themselves sound intelligent- with the side effect, intended or otherwise, of making the intelligent become stupid through association. It's the Whirlpool of Inanity- once you get sucked in, you never leave...

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