The worst song ever released

Here's a simple question for you.

What's the single worst song you've ever heard?

I mean, EVER?

There are quite a few worthy candidates.

The Hamster Dance, for instance, is a perennial favourite for the title of "Worst Song Ever".

Then there's Celine Dion's ear-raping horror, "My Heart Will Go On". To give you some idea of the scale of the atrocity perpetuated against music by this song, you have to remember that, during the late 90s, virtually every single high school prom played this song during the "slow romantic dance" bit.

The result has been a generation of girls growing up thinking that the most romantic thing that men can ever do is to spoon with them on the prow of a giant ship, draw them nude, bang them in the back of someone else's car, then freeze to death and drown in order to save their lives.

(Little-known fact: in 1996 a two-part miniseries about the RMS Titanic's doomed maiden voyage was aired on CBS, starring Catherine Zeta-Jones, Tim Curry, and a bunch of other grab-bag actors. It had something like three different subplots. The only one that actually matters involved Ms. Zeta-Jones, and was suspiciously similar to the one that James Cameron turned into a three-hour suckfest that somehow became one of the highest-grossing movies of all time.)

Kate Winslet, 1997Кэтрин Зета-Джонс (Catherine Zeta-Jones) в ...
OK, be honest- which one would you rather have seen naked?

(I'm not saying James Cameron ripped off a CBS mini-series to make his best movie that didn't star a 7-foot-tall cybernetic murder machine. It's just suspicious, is all.)

Even heavy metal is not immune from producing giant turds in the shape of rock anthems. Does anyone remember back when JUDAS PRIEST went through their "experimental" phase with the album Turbo? This wasn't actually a "phase"; it was Glen Tipton's attempt to see whether 5 middle-aged blokes from Birmingham would be able to cash in on the glam-rock craze that was sweeping the world at the time.
Gästkrönika: Judas Priest, sämre på 80-talet än 70-talet!
The amount of eye-bleach required to expunge this horrific image can never be produced
The result was the single Parental Guidance, which has got to be the single biggest insult to the heavy metal genre since the PMRC's attempts to ban "offensive" lyrics in music.

Giving (ugly crazy evil) dumb blondes a bad name since 1985
However, despite all of these worthy contenders, there is one song which I loathe and despise above all others.

That would be John Lennon's monument to feel-good stupidity, "Imagine".

John Lennon’s Peace
Left: Hippie dipsh*t. Right: REALLY ugly guy.
Its sappy, treacly liberal inanity is well-documented. Its lyrics are so absurd that there isn't even any point wasting time breaking them down. Its mawkish sentimentality is insulting to a man's intelligence in the same way that deliberately sticking a fork into a power outlet is insulting to Charles Darwin.

There is not one thing about this song that is likable. There is nothing useful about it. There is no redeeming feature to be found in it.

In every possible way, it demonstrates the masturbatory, self-contradictory, ridiculously unrealistic, narcissistic, and deeply loathsome ideology of the Left.

Given how much I hate that damn song, I'm not going to link to it. Instead, consider what the world would look like if we took the lyrics of that song and made them conservative:

... would be bored if everybody thought the same way! Imagine no Liberals
Hey, a guy can dream, can't he?!
All we are saying is, give peace a chance!

Well, time to end life as we know it, and nuke the moon!
I can't be the only one that thinks this is an ingenious idea


Popular Posts