Don't be "nice"

The other day, Didact Sr. and I were having a conversation in which my father uttered perhaps the most unusual words I've ever heard him say. We were discussing my sister and her rather irritating self-centred tendencies. It was at about the point where I was grumbling, albeit rather half-heartedly, about the fact that my sister tends to be all over the males in the family when she needs something but then conveniently forgets to keep in touch when she doesn't, that my dad pretty much said, point-blank, that "All Women Are Like That".

Now, for any Recovering Nice Guy out there, this is not news. There is nothing surprising or novel about the fact that women are selfish, narcissistic, manipulative, and capable of inflicting terrible damage upon the male ego and sense of self. This has been known for millennia- I believe there's a rather old book called "the Bible" which has quite a lot to say about the character of women, and about why their worst excesses must be contained.

No, what was astonishing about this particular exchange is that this is perhaps the first time that I can remember where my father has uttered words that are so transparently "red-pill".

It's not that my father isn't worldly or wise. You don't stay happily married to the same woman for 35 years (and counting) without being the unquestionable head of the family, the leader in all aspects of the relationship, and the masculine rock upon which the safety, comfort, and stability of your family are founded. A weak, effeminate, emasculated man cannot do this. This is partly why my father is the man who commands my highest and deepest respect; as every good father has always done through the ages, my father taught me how to be strong, independent, and confident.

Yet there were many things that he did not teach me, which I had to figure out for myself. For starters, my father never taught me how to fight, how to lift weights, or- most importantly- how to understand women. These things just didn't come up in conversation. Which makes it all the more surprising when the son, whose intellectual path of discovery has diverged so significantly from the father's, hears pure red-pill wisdom coming from that same father's mouth.

Having dropped a rather unusual bomb on me, he proceeded to point out that, if I was not careful, I would find out the hard way that women in my life would take advantage of my natural masculine tendency to want to help and protect them, and would use it mercilessly for their own ends.

And again, he was right.

Every institution around us, from our schools to our churches to our workplaces and our governments, have attempted to condition us for the last 40 years to believe that a man should be "nice" and considerate at all times. According to these harbingers of civilisational collapse, the ideal man is inoffensive, tolerant, non-confrontational, and accommodating in manner, speech, body language, and comportment.

You will notice, by the way, that all of these traits are the same ones that women constantly claim to want in a man- and yet, when shown men who actually conform to these archetypes, are visibly repulsed by them.

Every one of these archetypes is based on a fundamental misunderstanding of what it means to be a man. Every one of them is designed to tear down the great gift of masculinity, and replace it with femininity.

Now, let us be clear about a few things.

First and foremost, let no one be deceived about this- both masculinity and femininity are great gifts. A masculine man is a man to be admired, respected, and deferred to. A feminine woman is to be admired, respected, and taken care of.

Second, and just as importantly, masculinity and femininity are gifts that work for very specific recipients. By definition, masculinity is a gift intended for use by men, which is why both men and women find effete and feminine men to be deeply unsettling. Also by definition, femininity is a gift intended exclusively for use by women, which is of course also why both men and women find butch women rather revolting.

Third, while it is true that women are selfish, narcissistic, and manipulative, it is also true that they are caring, sweet, and valuable. Women are what they are; raging against their bad qualities is every bit as stupid and as short-sighted as blowing their good ones out of all proportion.

From these basic observations comes a very simple but very important lesson: being "nice" is a losing strategy.

The reality is that being "nice" is not an asset. "Nice" is simply a euphemism for "pushover". A "nice" man is not really a man worthy of respect- not if you think about it carefully.

A "nice" man is one who has a warped and dysfunctional view of reality. A "nice" man is incapable of seeing the world for what it truly is. A "nice" man can never aspire to be a real man, because his conception of masculinity is completely wrong.

Being "nice" doesn't get you the girl. It doesn't get you your next promotion. It doesn't win you friends. It doesn't influence people. It simply tells the world that you are a doormat, to be trodden upon and used as others please.

So why does society place such massive emphasis on "nice" men, when being "nice" is so clearly a losing and foolish strategy from both a theoretical and an empirical point of view?

The basic reason comes down to modern Western society's fundamental misunderstanding of masculinity. The West's major cultural institutions have been infiltrated thoroughly and completely by cultural Marxists, sodomites, feminists, and all manner of other unsavoury and intellectual enfeebled characters, all of whom hate Western civilisation and the explicitly masculine values upon which it was founded. It is therefore no surprise that the modern West, and by extension the modern Western (or Western-raised) man finds himself in dire straights when it comes to understanding what it means to "be a man".

Even our churches have fallen prey to the folly of preaching the virtues of being "nice" over the virtues of being strong and confident. Churchians love to preach about how the Lord Christ told them to "turn the other cheek" and that "the meek shall inherit". What they forget to mention is that Christ wasn't telling His followers to be weak and cowardly; rather, He was telling them that retaliation often as not leads to further escalation, and that in order to avoid the wanton destruction that comes with such escalation, a Christian must know when to be the bigger man and let go of his petty grievances. Christ was preaching the overwhelming importance of keeping a sense of perspective.

This is admittedly probably easier when you are an extension of the omnipotent and infinitely merciful creator-God made flesh to walk among Mankind than it is for your average man. But the point remains.

The reality is that manliness does not mean being "nice". It means being polite. There is a huge difference between the two, but in our modern Alice-in-Wonderland world where words have little concrete meaning, they are often and incorrectly conflated.

A masculine man is not fawning, or sycophantic, or overly accommodating. He is polite. He greets the world with dignity and composure. He refuses to let the little things overwhelm him. He treats people with dignity and grace, but he never panders to them. He treats women with gentleness and kindness, but he never subordinates his needs to theirs. He refuses to compromise on the things that are most important to him, whatever those might be. He is independent, reliable, honourable, honest, courageous, strong, and respectful.

What does this mean in practice? Well, about 2 years ago I wrote a post about how the words "Just Be Yourself" are probably the three most dangerous words you'll ever hear. Commenter Spartan set me straight by pointing out that, in fact, "being yourself" is no bad thing if you are someone worthy of respect. This is how he put it:
I had been set up on a blind date by a woman I had been casually sleeping with. She had a colleague at work that was single and looking. Her advice was to me was "just be yourself and it should go great". It didn't go as well as I was hoping and then next time I saw the woman who set me up she said "Wow you sure screwed that one up. She told me that you were very nice but not what she was looking for right now. What the hell?" I gave her a puzzled look and she replied "You aren't nice. You're polite. There's a huge difference. I told you to be yourself and it sounds like you weren't. Had you been yourself, you wouldn't have spent more than 30 minutes in the restaurant.
And in that simple story lies the difference between being "nice" and being polite.

Being "nice" is a sign of weakness and compliance. Being polite is a form of strength expressed through self-control- which all men must have in order to create a functional and civilised society.

The polite man- the gentleman- controls the darkest and most dangerous urges of masculinity in order to get what he wants through persuasion and the use of power, both subtle and overt. The nice man has no power at all, and attempts to compensate for it through supplication.

So the next time a girl, or a co-worker, or a relative, tells you that you're really nice, don't take it as a compliment. It is not. It is a warning sign of the highest order. You do not need to be nice. You need to be polite.

You need, in other words, to be masculine.

Or, as Sean Connery so eloquently put it:


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