Celebrate Earth Day properly

... by burning petrol. A LOT of it:


In the spirit of being "clean" and "sensible" and all other things that Mother Gaia might approve of, let me make a hugely embarrassing confession.

There was a time- waaaaaaaay back when I was in, oh, about the 4th Grade- when yours truly was a committed ecomentalist. As in, a full-blown, WWF-membership-card-carrying, "SAV TEH ERTH!"-sign-waving green loony. Complete with swiveling eye stalks and questionable hygiene. (The last can be attributed to the fact that I was, well, 9 years old at the time.)

Thankfully, I outgrew this dark and terrible period of utter stupidity. and became the gun-totin', beer-swillin' wine-sippin', God-fearin' man of righteous petrol-powered glory that you see today.

Now, so we're clear, there is nothing in the world wrong with caring about one's natural environment and wanting God's gifts to us to be preserved for future generations to enjoy. In fact, some of the most ardent, skilled, and capable conservationists you'll ever meet are hunters- who understand full well that there is no contradiction whatsoever between blowing the head off Bambi's mother with a shotgun, and wanting to make sure that Bambi himself sires children so that future generations of hunters have stuff to kill.

BH: Some of your political analogies and comments from your NRA Show ...
Ted Nugent is more epic than you will ever be
As bizarre as this sounds, it's also absolutely true. The people who work most closely within the beauties, and dangers, of our world to extract its bounties and blessings, are also the ones who are most interested in preserving those same wonders.

So raise your bows and hunting rifles, my friends, to the prospect of a world in which ecomentalists don't have to be told where they can shove their signs and their protest banners, and in which hunters, fishermen, oil-men, and all other such good folk can be free to pursue their masculine hobbies within the wondrous bosom of Mother Earth.

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