Gym Idiots: Dumbass Spotter Edition

21 Funny Fitness FAILS
Uh, miss, that's very nice and all, but not quite what I had in mind...

No Numbnuts Allowed

So there I was in the gym yesterday, doing my weekly long workout whereby I do my damnedest to max out my numbers on all of the big three lifts. I'd just finished squatting 345lbs and was working my way toward deadlifting 475lbs for a 1RM. The prayer service to the Iron God was going very well indeed. At that moment in time, all was good and green in this world.

It was at that precise moment that Lucifer and Beelzebub decided to show up in the hallowed shrine of blood and sweat and steel to, like, totally harsh my buzz, dude.

Now, in the gym that I work out in here, there is a clear bit of floor space where douchebags lifters like me can deadlift heavy weights in peace and safety. Right in front of that area is the second-holiest of all shrines to the Iron God- the bench press.

Unfortunately, this is also the one piece of equipment that is abused the most extensively by morons who have absolutely no idea what the hell they're doing.

... 296920030675240987 n Meatheads Epic Bench Press Fail Almost Kills Him
Not every service ends well...
And every Friday night, this sacred gift from on high is desecrated by two young black idiots who come in and proceed to make complete fools out of themselves by pretending to bench weights that they simply cannot lift unassisted.

Picture, if you will, one guy benching 185lbs down to the chest, then trying to push the weight back up, and failing to do so. His friend then steps in to catch the bar and pull it up. This is all well and good- that's how spotters are supposed to work.

Any lifter with a shred of sense will know that if his spotter has to touch the bar, he has failed to complete the lift. Such a lifter is not going to be stupid enough to keep trying to bench that weight and thereby give his spotter a completely free set of barbell rows. Instead, he will dial back the weight, fix his form, and add weight incrementally until such time as he can properly lift the bar without assistance.

These two prize purple jellyfish are not sensible lifters.

Worse, they seem to consider the gym not as the crucible of character and strength that it really is, where a man can test his body and will up to and sometimes beyond their breaking points, but as a sort of coffee shop cluttered with wall decorations in the shape of dumbbells and weight machines.

The Gym is Not the Place for Chatting Part 2 | Shithead Central
Ladies, GTFO, this is NOT a social club
So both of these morons continue to alternate on the bench, trying- and failing- to lift weights that, by rights, they should be able to manage with ease, when one of these two imbeciles- I think it was the shorter one, but I can't remember, my brain seems desperate to block out the memory of this episode of stupidity- got pinned under the bar.

What did his spotter do?

He proceeded to laugh his ass off while holding the bar and trying to drag it off his buddy. Two of us had to stop what we were doing, walk over, tell the idiot spotter to get out of the way, pull the bar off of his even bigger idiot of a friend, and re-rack it for them both.

Net result: no gains for either of them, time wasted between sets for others, and no lessons learned whatsoever by two young dumbasses who desperately need some training in basic gym etiquette.

All I can say is, I am very glad that I only have to spend another three weeks or so in this benighted country before I return back to the US and resume training at my old gym.

Oh, and by the way- I finally hit 225lbs on the bench yesterday, shoulder injuries and all. And I did that without a spotter.

BAN ALL SMITH MACHINES

Dom Mazzetti explains the benefits and dangers of the Smith machine:


If you are in the gym, and you decide to use a Smith machine, please do the rest of humanity a favour and castrate yourself, right now. I'll even hand you the knife- just please clean it off before you give it back to me, OK? I really like that Leatherman multi-tool...

... Tools › Leatherman® › Leatherman® Charge ALX Multi Tool (Black
The bloodstains and the screaming make this a lot less functional

Crapping All Over CrossFit

Because why not?


I will freely admit that I've committed more than my share of blunders in the gym. I once effed up a squat really badly and ended up falling forward into the rack and hurt my knee in the process (wasn't serious, just a bit of transient pain). If I hadn't had the rack setup with guards to catch the bar, I could have been looking at a serious injury.

The difference between me and the average CrossFitter is that I had the good sense to realise that I needed to dial back the weight, correct my form, and fix my depth. Which I did. And which is why I can squat quite a bit more than most CrossFitters can- don't be fooled by the size of those plates, they aren't as heavy as real weight plates used by real powerlifters.

The problem that I have with CrossFit is not that it emphasises big compound movements- this is a Good Thing. My problem with it is that it emphasises doing heavy weights for high reps.

This is downright stupid. Either do low weights for high reps (which equals no gains), or do heavy weights for low reps (which, if done right, equals real gains). But doing heavy weights for high reps is a surefire way to get injured, potentially very badly indeed.

My other major problem with CrossFit- actually, I have quite a few problems with it, but I'll try to limit myself- is that, if you look at it more or less objectively, a lot of it is just bat-crap crazy.


The Best Gym Fails (So Far) of 2015

This video gives us a perfect demonstration as to why it is impossible to idiot-proof anything; the Universe simply keeps coming up with bigger idiots:


A Personal Best

What's your latest bench press PR?
Pretty much, except I was by myself
After all of that scorn and opprobrium heaped upon gym idiots that do so much to annoy real lifters in the gym, I figured I might as well try to end on a high note.

Closely related to what I wrote above about crappy bench form, there is a very good reason why it has taken me something like six years to hit 225lbs on the bench, with good form and full range of motion.

Back in 2009, when yours truly was a lot younger and far more stupid, I was using a Smith machine to pretend that I could bench 275lbs for reps. It was a very cold and frosty February morning, and I was tired and sleepy because back then, I was working out early in the morning before going to work.

(Hey, I said I was an idiot back then, didn't I?)

So anyway, there I was, trying to grind out what I thought were proper bench reps- I wasn't touching my chest with the bar, even in the Smith machine- when my arms couldn't hold the weight anymore and the bar crashed down on my chest.

I felt something give way in my left shoulder as it was forced back and down. And because I was in a Smith machine, I couldn't just tilt the bar and slide the weights off, or do the "Roll of Shame" to get out from under the bar. Some guy had to come over and push the bar back up off me, by which time the damage was done. And it was my damn fault.

Mea culpa, mea maxima culpa.

To this day, my left shoulder continues to pop and grind. My right shoulder has a deep-tissue injury sustained from Krav Maga, which fortunately appears to have gotten better, but it is actually more prone to tearing than my left shoulder at this point in my life.

So it was with some anticipation that I approached the bench for that 1RM yesterday night. But for the first time in my life, I wasn't afraid of benching that much weight. I knew I could take it, at long last. And I did.

I'll be the first to admit that my numbers stink relative to a lot of truly gifted powerlifters out there. I've been lifting for nearly 4 years, but there are guys out there who are much younger than me, at around my weight, who make me look like a complete pussy.

But then, that's the beauty of powerlifting. The drive to be the best that you can be pushes you to do things that you never thought possible.

Four years ago, if you'd told me that at peak fitness I could squat 365lbs, deadlift 485lbs (or more), and now bench 225lbs, I would have told you that you were crazy. Now, I'm living it.

That, my friends, is the power that the iron gives you. Just don't abuse it by being a moron.

... thing, women in their 30's seem to have become the new gym bad-asses
Gratuitous ass shot, just for giggles

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