ALL men pay for sex

Last week, a report revealed that 1 in 10 British men have paid for sex. Find that shocking? Then try this for size: the same report, pulled from a total of over 6,000 men aged 16-74, also found that those most likely to have paid for sex in the last five years are single men aged 25 to 34. 
The research – conducted by University College London and the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine and published in the journal Sexually Transmitted Infections – led lead researcher Dr Cath Mercer of UCL to conclude: "The picture that emerges does not necessarily fit the stereotype of the lonely older man … men who pay for sex are more likely to be young professionals.
It’s an observation that rings true for Charlotte Rose, escort and sexual trainer. Two of her most regular clients are best friends, both aged 19, who visit Rose one day after the other. Neither count as anomalies among her clientele. 
"The demographic is changing towards younger professionals because younger men’s preferences are changing," Rose tells me. "A ‘professional service’ with an escort [creates] a mutual understanding of what the client wants and gets. All do’s and don'ts are pre-discussed and fantasies are more easily explored." 
Peter, a young professional in his late 20s, regularly visits escorts. He tells me that with some escorts there’s a connection, an emotional "nourishment" as he calls it, but that most of the time it’s "purely transactional", feeding a sexual need, getting that professional service Rose speaks of. 
He also admits that nine out of ten times paying for sex is an "alcohol fuelled" act that occurs at the end of a night when he’s been left frustrated. But he does say there are "emotional catalysts" as well as alcohol related ones. In fact, as with one of Rose’s 19-year-old clients, Peter lost his virginity to a prostitute, a 'Soho walk up' at the age of 24. 
"It was during a frustrating part of my life. I was living at home with my mum. I had feelings of hopelessness and despair and a real fear of becoming the 40-year-old virgin," he says. "After one bad night I just decided I wanted to get it done, but it turned out to be something which I evolved a dependency around." 
That dependency has led to over 50 encounters with escorts, something Peter doubts would’ve happened in the pre-internet age. 
"We spend half our lives online now," he says, before explaining that he believes watching porn – and porn addiction – served as a gateway to paying for sex. Peter effectively uses prostitutes to scratch an itch that hours of watching sex on screen can't reach. 
Rebecca Dakin, self-proclaimed Great British Sexpert [Didact: Lord, here we go...] and an escort between 2000-2010 who had many young professional clients, tells me that "over the last decade, the internet has increased awareness and availability of escorts". She says it has sparked the industry’s shift from cards in phone boxes to online ads, and widened out the demographic of people paying for sex. 
Dakin also believes the 24/7 lifestyle of so many young professionals plays a part in how they get their sexual kicks. "The faster pace of life, the increase in pressure at work and longer hours mean that many young professionals look for quick instant gratification when they feel stressed," she says. "The fast speed of the internet has made this all the more possible."
I'm with Becker on this one- doesn't matter what stage of life you're in, once you get involved with a woman, you ALWAYS end up paying for it. No exceptions.

Fact is, dating costs money. And it often doesn't end in sex- which, let's be brutally honest, is largely the point of dating. (I'm not saying it's the only point- that would be stupid- but there can be no denying that sexual gratification is a huge factor.) It's not uncommon, especially in these benighted times, for a man to take a woman out on several expensive drink-and-dinner dates, only to go home empty-handed, so to speak.

When you combine the pressures of modern white-collar life on young men with the realities of a stagnant economy- I don't care what the Grand Poobahs of the Western so-called governments have to say, we're still very much in the midst of the worst economic depression in about four generations- then you quickly realise that young men are faced with a situation unlike pretty much any other in history.

There was a time that a man could comfortably support himself and his wife, and three or four or five kids, on a single income. That was before the 1970s, when the world's currencies became completely decoupled from any kind of sane non-inflationary backing standard like gold or silver, or the US dollar (not that this was much of a "standard", admittedly). That reality is gone and won't be coming back for a good long while.

This, combined with the increased economic opportunities for women- often secured through legislative means, via supposedly anti-discriminatory gender neutrality laws concerning equal wages for again supposedly equal work- means that the average young man today has to demonstrate considerable value even to be considered as worthy dating material.

Combine this with the fact that young men of today have been ripped off and lied to and given endless bad advice about how to court women in today's day and age, and it's no surprise that young professional men are voluntarily turning away from the dating market, partially or even completely. They've been prepared for a role that no longer really exists by a world that appears completely bent on suicide through self-immolation.

It should therefore come as no surprise that young men today seek an easier, more honest way to satisfy their desires.

And yes, prostitution is more honest than dating. There are no games to be played. The nature of sex is reduced down to a simple economic transaction- the man pays a fee, the woman provides an orifice and outlet and service all in one (or several, depending on the type of transaction), both parties enter into the contract by more or less mutual consent, and both parties get something out of it.

From a certain very cynical point of view, of course, this is exactly what dating is.

Women are genetically hard-wired to seek security and comfort, from men. Men are hard-wired to seek the continuation of their genetic code, through women. Prostitution simply clears out all of the deadwood in between.

Despite this, I absolutely do not recommend prostitution as an outlet for male desire. I simply think that it's one of many possible solutions to a well-known problem- just not a very good one.

When you date a woman, you do end up paying for the privilege, one way or another- whether through buying her drinks (hopefully you're not stupid enough to buy her more than one), buying her dinner (and if you do this before she's put out, in today's world, you're an idiot), or giving up time spent doing other things to be in her company.

If you spend time with real women, though, you get a lot more out of it than sex. I can't speak for all deep introverts in this regard, but when I spend time with a girl, I do so for what I hope will be the pleasure of her company. I hope to be stimulated intellectually by her charm and grace and wit, and other such feminine comforts, just as I hope to be stimulated physically by her beauty. These things are difficult to put a money value against, and they are all things that you won't get with prostitutes.

As I have said before, I have never used prostitutes. I find the idea quite bleak, for precisely the reasons I just mentioned- you get the pleasure of sex, to be sure, but it's just a quick and emotionally empty release.

And that's before we get to the psychological harm done by this.

In my view, resorting to prostitutes to satisfy one's need for sex is just one step below using internet porn to do the same. You're not developing any skills from the process. You're not becoming a more interesting or well-rounded man. You're just... a participant in a transaction, and nothing more.

We men were meant to be far more than just dumb animals reacting to base emotional desires. We were meant to improve our lives and the lives of those around us, by pushing ourselves to the limits of our potential- and beyond.

This can't be done by visiting your friendly neighbourhood brothel and busting a nut for a fee. It can only be done through acknowledging your shortcomings, putting yourself out there, taking a risk, and experiencing the rewards.

Comments

  1. " I hope to be stimulated intellectually by her charm and grace and wit, and other such feminine comforts. . ."

    In this day and age? Most women lack charm, grace or wit.

    They are either silly, fun and cute . . . or not.

    And the cost of a relationship is often a diminution of a man's ability to "improve our lives and the lives of those around us, by pushing ourselves to the limits of our potential- and beyond."

    There is a reason most men's achievements are done prior to marriage. The paying for sex in a relationship is often the man's soul.

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    Replies
    1. To be fair, I didn't say that I can normally find a woman with grace, charm, and wit- I just said that it's nice to spend time with one who has these qualities, when possible. And as usual, it's non-American women, usually Asians, who tend to provide these things.

      There is a reason most men's achievements are done prior to marriage. The paying for sex in a relationship is often the man's soul.

      Put another way, "marriage isn't a word- it's a sentence" =)

      Delete
  2. I owned a taxi for five years, got to know a lot of hookers, worked for an escort service, so I know what's going on. Many guys didn't have sex with the guys but paid for them to keep them company to help overcome their loneliness.

    ReplyDelete

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