The real "no can defend" kick

How do you cartwheel through someone's face bones while making it look as elegant and yet terrifying as possible?

Pretty much like these guys do it:



It is hard to think of something that is such a splendid combination of badassery, buttock-clenching terror, and utter impracticality outside of those crazy spinning backward head-fake kicks that they do in tae kwan do.

Don't get me wrong, I respect the hell out of kyokushin karate. And this kick is BAD. ASS. I just think that in a street environment, a kick like that is going to be exceedingly difficult to pull off without hurting yourself very badly. If you watch the video all the way through, you'll see that this kick is used almost exclusively in training or competition environments- not in the street.

Now it could simply be that no one has ever captured footage of someone using that kick in a street fight- which begs the question, why not? After all, if someone successfully connected with a kick like that, he'd be more epic than the goddamn Batman.

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I must be one of about three people alive who actually kind of sort of liked "All Star Batman & Robin the Boy Wonder: Vol 1"...
For about five minutes, anyway.

Think about it, though. That kick requires you to be completely airborne and then land on your back in a rather unpleasant fashion. If you're not used to breaking a fall like that by redirecting the energy of impact outward and away from the point of impact, that sort of fall is going to hurt.

Moreover, this is a one-shot weapon. It's an awesome weapon, but it's a high-risk one. If you miss it, you're going to end up flat on your back. While someone is trying to hurt you with his hands and legs. And he's still standing.

See the problem?

Take a look in the video around about the 4:30 mark, where two guys are in a boxing ring and one of them pulls off do mawashi kaiten geri. He misses, lands up flat on his back. The ref steps in to give the guy time to get up. He gets back up. The fight resumes. All of this takes place over something like 5 seconds.

Exactly none of this is going to happen on the street. You fall down, especially when facing multiple attackers, and that's it, you're done. Five seconds is all it will take for someone to jump on you and pound your face into the same concrete that your back very painfully just hit- knocking the wind out of you in the process and making it much harder for you to get on your feet in the first place.

Think also upon the mechanics of the landing. You will observe from the video that the vast majority of the men who pulled off those kicks landed on their (lower) backs, butts, or hips.

If you fail to stick those landings on a hard concrete surface, good luck getting up again. You're much more likely to have broken something. Fracturing a complex ball-and-socket joint like the hip, or injuring your lower back on a concrete pavement, is not generally recommended as a method of therapeutic pain relief- or so I gather, anyway, I'm not a doctor.

All of that being said- if you pull off something as epic as that wheel kick in sparring, or in an actual MMA contest, you totally have my respect. That kick- and its even more jaw-droppingly awesome variant, the "tornado kick"- is more badass than Bane riding a T-rex.
Superman just crapped his red diaper... Batman, of course, is unfazed. He's BATMAN.

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