Steven Sea-gullible

In the world of MMA, there are truly legendary coaches who have really done great things for the athletes that they mentor. Gene LeBell, who is one of Ronda Rousey's coaches, comes to mind. Then there's Ray Longo, who coaches current UFC middleweight champion Chris Weidman and is himself a genuine badass. There is El Guapo himself, the great Bas Rutten, whose personality, charisma, and coaching style make learning martial arts great fun.

And let us never forget the legendary Bruce Lee, who was not only an incredible martial artist, but a great coach and teacher as well.

On the other end of the scale... you have guys like Steven Seagal:

Oddly enough, what you see in that video is not the lowest point to which the once-great Seagal has sunk. Oh no. It gets worse.
Seagal's martial arts and film career went downhill pretty fast, but even more disappointing than that was his personal descent into the foul and dank valleys of Douchebag County. Early Seagal characters were all about the everyman, they were inner-city cops by and large; unsophisticated and unconcerned with anything but justice, preferably street justice, if you have it. By contrast, Seagal himself became more and more of an unapproachable bottle of dick with every year that passed. He was an early adopter of such douchebag traits as: 
Fascination with a cheap, cursory sort of Asian spirituality, the sensitive pony-tail, pseudo-environmentalism and of course, the frat boy guitar. 
Seagal soon decided to incorporate his newfound love of everything asshole into his movies, and the blue collar cop characters that made him famous gradually morphed into EPA agents protecting rivers and fighting big business. After the repeated failure of his box office releases, Seagal decided to focus on music and cut a blues album called The Crystal Cave, a title which could not spell out 'hippie dickhead' any clearer if you wrote it out on a Hacky Sack and hung it from a puka shell necklace.
If you ever wanted a handy lesson in how NOT to become a complete douchebag, all you have to do is ask yourself, "what would Seagal do?". And then, do the exact opposite. 


Popular Posts