Argy-bashing

Apparently the Argentinians, not satisfied with pushing glorified vinegar on us in the form of their Malbec wines*, are extremely put out at the "fact" that the hosts of THE GREATEST TV SHOW ON EARTH decided to drive through their country in cars that supposedly have license plates that reference the Falklands War.

Which, let's be clear, the Argies LOST. Quite badly.

Unfortunately, this hasn't stopped them from getting quite cross with three middle-aged English blokes driving across their (rapidly crumbling) nation with three even more rapidly crumbling old biffabouts:
THE Top Gear team has been forced to flee Argentina after angry people threw stones at them in the wake of the Falklands War number plate row.

The BBC cast and crew abandoned their cars at the roadside after a crowd became enraged at a Porsche with the registration number H982 FKL.

Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May were escorted to the airport and left for Chile three days earlier than scheduled after protests led by Falklands veterans began outside their hotel.

A local paper covered the attacks, reporting that there were "people injured and police cars damaged".

The outrage first started when local Argentinian officials claimed that the Porsche's license plate was a deliberate reference to the 1982 war between Argentina and the UK over the Falkland Islands.

The BBC has confirmed that the Top Gear crew has left Argentina but declined to comment on the latest reports.

Andy Wilman, Top Gear's executive producer, has insisted that the issue was merely an unfortunate coincidence, and that the notoriously controversial Clarkson was not intending to cause political problems.

"Top Gear production purchased three cars for a forthcoming programme," he told the Guardian. "To suggest that this car was either chosen for its number plate, or that an alternative number plate was substituted for the original is completely untrue."
Now, obviously, when it comes to Top Gear, I'm a bit biased. (Okay, I'm rather more than biased. I've just spent the last 10 days re-running Seasons 2-4 on Netflix and plan on watching quite a bit more of the same in the near future. Good times, gooooood times...)

But I think that, based on what we know of the blokes from the programme, one would be fully justified in calling the Argies a bunch of complete nancies.

(Note for my American readers: this last is a word in English, a language that is not spoken in America, meant- in its most polite form- to categorise a man as overly effete. You might want to add this to your people's otherwise limited range of words used for insults.)

The lads from Top Gear are complete clowns, of this there can be no question. They're some of the blokiest blokes you can imagine. Jeremy Clarkson's idea of fun is to drive around a corner at 150mph while shouting "POWEEEEERRRRRRRR!!!!" as loudly as he can. Richard Hammond's idea of fun is to destroy caravans using turbojet-powered cars. James May's idea of fun is to drive laconically through the lovely British autumn while sipping a pint of real ale. They're ridiculous, silly, and hilarious- and God love 'em for it.

But they are not the kinds of douchebags who would insult an entire nation's war dead.

The Argies appear to be getting their knickers in a twist over a war that they fought, and lost, more than thirty years ago, based on the most obtuse possible reference to the same.

Now, let me play devil's advocate for a moment and say that if the Top Gear production team were in any way mocking the Argentinian war dead, then they deserve whatever they get. It would be like me walking into the Arlington National Cemetery and taking a dump all over the graves of soldiers who died in Afghanistan or Iraq. I would be lynched for it. With complete justification.

The Argies may have no understanding whatsoever of the notion of national sovereignty, and they may not care in the slightest that the Falkland Islanders are overwhelmingly in favour of remaining under the sovereignty of the Queen. (I note with considerable sadness and regret that the United States of America has refused to adopt this enlightened and modern attitude for the better part of 250 years.) However, that is no excuse for mocking the dead of a war that Argentina fought with all earnestness and to the best of her (quite limited) ability.

Of course, the Top Gear crew had exactly nothing of the sort in mind when they went down there to film one of their epic cheap car challenges:
James May has defended himself and the rest of the Top Gear team over a controversial numberplate which allegedly poked fun at the Falklands War.

The Top Gear presenter said the show would never 'mock people about their war casualties' and insisted the numberplate, which sparked protests in Argentina, was entirely coincidental. 
The show's crew had to leave the country during filming after trouble erupted when it emerged they were using a Porsche with the registration number H982 FKL.

May told Absolute Radio's Christian O'Connell they bought the car - complete with the number plate - in the UK because it was the best available vehicle of its type and he said he had not even noticed the plate until it was mentioned online. 
He said: 'How could we have done it deliberately? All we've done is buy some secondhand cars. 
'It's actually meaningless if you look at it. You have to want to see the meaning.' 
The team from the BBC2 show were in South America filming a special on a remote highway passing through Chile and Argentina. 
May said: 'We do muck about but we weren't going there to mock people about their war casualties.'

He said they decided to change the plate once they had finished filming on the country's roads, but it had not been possible to do it earlier. 
He said: 'Go outside and change the number plate on your car and then see what happens the next time you meet a policeman. You just can't do that.'
You don't just have to want to see the meaning. You have to stretch your imagination harder than Plastic Man could to do so. Which, of course, is precisely what Britain's usual parade of useful idiots is doing right now:
Another twist in the Jeremy Clarkson argie-bargie controversy. 
The BBC claims that the original registration plate H982 FKL displayed on Clarkson’s Porsche while he was filming Top Gear in Argentina was coincidental, and not a reference to the Falkland Islands war as aggrieved locals believed. 
But there are now claims that BEll END, the registration plate found inside the car — which was smashed up by an angry mob — was not a derogatory slang word as originally thought, but a reference to End of Belgrano.
Good Lord Almighty. I've never been so drunk in my entire life that I was able to reinterpret something as hilariously insulting as "Bell End"- basically, calling someone a cock- in terms of the sinking of an entire battleship. I mean, just how much local hooch does one have to consume before coming to a conclusion that utterly naff?! What we're hearing now is more absurd than anything that any French deconstructionist ever came up with- and these are people who could somehow find ways to link the death of King Lear's daughter Cordelia to the rape and murder of innocent women by the Germans in WWII. That is the degree of ridiculousness we're dealing with here.

Let's put it bluntly to our Argentinian friends: grow a sense of humour, stop being such colossal dingleberries, throw that crazy Peronist woman that you people elected out of office, start making your economy competitive again, and for God's sake, stop pretending that the Falklanders want to be part of your crummy country. And then maybe you'll be able to join the rest of us in the 21st Century.

*I will admit that I am actually quite partial to a good Malbec. But is has to be a VERY good Malbec. Funny thing is, though, that the best Malbec I've tried in quite some time comes from... wait for it... Israel. Seriously. 

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