How to destroy a woman's virtuous image, Pt 1

Someone named Emmanuel Viola decided to conduct a little thought experiment by adding tattoos to various Disney princesses. The results were... interesting, to say the least:

Belle of the ball: The Beauty and the Beast princess swaps her iconic yellow dress for a darker alternative
Belle, doing the full 90s Angelina Jolie
Once upon a dream: Angelic Aurora is re-imagined as an angsty tattoo artist, complete with Maleficent tattoo
Herpegonosyphilaids on a plate!
A very 21st century princess: Italian artist Viola gives the princesses a hipster makeover
Would not touch with a 10-foot fishing pole
(For the record- I think that these days, Angelina Jolie is an astonishingly beautiful woman. This is of course after she gave up her wild-child tendencies and more or less settled down into a committed relationship and became a devoted partner and mother. Plus, these days, she tends to hide her tattoos. Back in the 90s? Very different story.)

Let us not forget that Disney princesses are drawn and animated specifically to appear as innocent, wholesome, and virginal as possible. Indeed, there are actually rules within the animation industry that dictate how one may draw a character such that these qualities are maximised.

Adding tattoos to otherwise unblemished and beautiful flesh is like adding defoliant to a pristine, verdant forest.

This isn't (just) me talking out my ass (with the added effects of two G&Ts on a very hot and humid Saturday evening). There has in fact been scientific research done into the question of whether or not tattoos and piercings make a woman appear more attractive and more promiscuous to men.

The findings from the study referenced in the link above were rather interesting, in that they empirically verified what anecdotal and personal experience tells us daily: women who ruin their flesh like this come off as MORE promiscuous but are LESS attractive.

The reason behind this is difficult to articulate but easy to understand. Basically, if you are a woman and you get a tattoo, you will tend to want to show it off, because you want to show the world what a precious unique snowflake you are for getting said tattoo (even though many of your female friends have probably done the same thing). In so doing, you will walk around in more revealing outfits to show off your newly acquired ink. Unsurprisingly, your tendency to reveal more skin will act as a clear signal to men that you are, shall we say, available for rent.

Yet, by tattooing your flesh, you have inadvertently ruined it. For whatever reason- and I honestly have no idea why this is, so the argument that "it is God's Will" seems as valid as any to me- there is great beauty to be found in the female form when it is well-maintained, fit, natural, and filled with the joys of a life well lived.

Men react instinctively to these traits and because women have (up until fairly recently) generally had the good sense to display these traits, the human race has more or less endured.

But if women insist on turning themselves into hollow trashy cartoons of themselves through tattoos and piercings, I honestly don't know how they can complain when men start viewing them less as women and more as, well, porcupines- meaning that, when a man sees a woman covered in tattoos, he would be forgiven for thinking that if she had as many pricks sticking out of her as she's had stuck in her, she'd look like said animal.

Turning a Disney princess into a slutty, silly caricature is great fun when you're reading one of Blackdragon's Alpha Male Fairy Tales, or when you're attending an adult Halloween party.

Turning an otherwise pretty, even beautiful, woman into a trashy shell of her former self through tattoos and body piercings is nothing short of a desecration.

By the way, the same standard does NOT apply to men. Tattoos on men tend to do one of two things. Either the man comes across looking like a bit of a try-hard- this is usually what happens if he does not have the physical presence, musculature, and general attitude needed to pull off the badassery that a tattoo is supposed to confer upon him. Or, he ends up looking even more terrifying than he originally did.

Men also get tattoos for fundamentally different reasons than women do. Members of specialised military units, such as the Army Rangers or Navy SEALs, use tattoos as a means of saying, "I belong to this brotherhood". Such tattoos are symbols of unity and strength of purpose, and such men do not tend to flaunt these markings.

For instance- the head of my martial arts federation is the quintessential hardass Israeli ex-paratrooper combat veteran. That is literally what he is- he served in the Golani Brigade in Israel, he has paratrooper combat training, he saw active combat in the 1982 war, and as a result he has some serious ink work across his entire left shoulder and upper left arm. Yet no one in his right mind would look at him and think, "aww, how cute"; instead, we look at him and think, "badass, don't piss him off". The reason is that he has the carriage and the demeanour to make it work- he's the kind of man who would not hesitate to break you in half over his knee if you gave him sufficient reason for doing so, yet he is an honourable and good man.

Yet this is something of an exception. If, as a man, you want to look like a badass, the best way to do this is not a tattoo- because the tattoo means nothing if you can't back it up, and it will be very obvious if you cannot. Instead, try lifting weights, learning how to beat people up, and be a ladykiller- and then get a tattoo, if you really really want to. But it isn't necessary, and should not be thought of as an important goal.

In conclusion: if you are a woman and you insist on getting tattooed and pierced, well, that's your problem, but don't then be surprised when the rest of us start treating you as a "smelly pirate hooker". And if you're a man and you insist on getting tattooed and pierced... well, just try to do so in places that aren't blindingly obvious, because otherwise your next job interview is going to be really goddamn interesting.

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