At least she's honest

As if there was ever any doubt as to what women want- and why you should never, ever take their delusions about their own sexual value seriously- this quite hilarious article caught my eye this morning:
Jacqui Lambie, an Australian MP who shares the balance of power in the upper house, has apologised after declaring in a radio interview that she is looking for a partner who is “well-hung” and loaded with cash. 
They don’t even need to speak,” said Ms Lambie, a 43-year-old single mother of two. [Didact: I will try to take the high road, for once, and will avoid inserting the obligatory dirty joke here, simply because that is just too easy.]
The outspoken senator, who took up her position earlier this month, is a member of tycoon Clive Palmer’s new party, which has three seats on the cross-bench in Australia’s senate, or upper house. The somewhat unpredictable and unruly party has so far proven an obstacle for Tony Abbott, who does not have a majority in the senate and has frequently counted on the backing of Mr Palmer’s party. 
In a radio interview in her home state of Tasmania, Ms Lambie told Heart FM that her ideal partner “must have heaps of cash and they’ve got to have a package between their legs”. 
Asked about her bikini line, she said: “Right now the state I’m in, you’d want to bring out that whipper snipper [garden lawn trimmer] first. [Didact: Thanks, lady, that's a great mental image...]  It’s a very scary area to talk about this morning.” 
When a 22-year-old listener named Jamie offered to date the MP, she asked: “You don’t have any diseases do you?” 
The exchange continued as James assured the former military policewoman he could handle her, which prompted her to ask: “Are you well-hung?” [Didact: S**t test. Which this guy is about to fail.]
When Jamie insisted he was [Didact: what did I just say?], Ms Lambie said she would consider a breakfast date [Didact: of pork balls and sausages?] before appearing to acknowledge that the banter may have tested the bounds of propriety. 
I can see my 24-year-old son now, he’d be cringing by now,” she said.  
The interview prompted claims that Ms Lambie was the beneficiary of double-standards and that a male who made similar comments would be excoriated. [Didact: Correct on both counts.]
I have to say, when I saw this, I very nearly fell off my chair, I was laughing so hard. And here's why:

Jacqui Lambie has continued her attack on Tony Abbott, after she said ...
I think there's a woman in there... somewhere...
Apparently the... thing holding up the wall in the middle there is the MP in question. Need I say more about female delusions?

Look, I get it, every woman would like to think that she's a catch, no matter how difficult it is for the rest of us to keep our lunches down when she wears a tight dress.

But if you're a woman in your mid-40s, with two grown-ass sons from two different men, and you think that someone like the fantasy male from the mommy-porn Fifty Shades trilogy is going to swoop in and give you a good rodgering while spending his money on you...

Well, I'm sorry to say that this level of monkey-s**t insanity is beyond the ability of any medicine to cure.

Especially if, as she indicates above, she can't even be bothered to spend the time to, uh, trim the shrubbery.

Now, the article doesn't give full details of the actual exchange between this particularly kooky example of feminine solipsism and her male interlocutor over the radio, so we can only go by what is actually written. And by that measure, this "James" character badly failed the test that even a butt-ugly woman like this gave him.

Instead of qualifying himself to her, by insisting that he was, in fact, "well hung", he should have thrown the challenge right back at her. Something along the lines of, "meet me for breakfast tomorrow and find out" would have been far more effective. When a woman questions your worth as a man, either walk away or turn the question around and put the burden of finding proof on her- but NEVER qualify yourself to her. I've made that mistake more times than I care to remember, and it is a mistake.

As for the double-standard from which Ms. Lambie here will unquestionably benefit- well, yes, it's absolutely true that she will, at least in the politically correct circles in which she moves. She would be able to call for the public castration of anyone who offends her and, among the intellectual elites and useful idiots of the Australian establishment, she would get away with it. Feminism won that particular Battle for Mt. Stupidity a long time ago, and they show no signs of wanting to relinquish their hold on that territory- I say we leave them to it.

However, among the Australian public, she will not be nearly so fortunate.

See, I've actually lived in Australia. It was a long time ago and things may have changed since then, but one major difference between Australians and Americans is (or was, anyway) that the Aussies have a far greater willingness to turn sacred cows into cheeseburgers.

Back when I was living in Sydney, my dad, who was becoming more of a rock & roll fan by the day- that's where yours truly gets his metalhead tendencies, by the way- used to keep the car tuned in to Triple M, the best hard rock syndicate in the area. The hosts of Triple M were the blokiest of blokes- they believed very strongly that if it was stupid or ridiculous, no matter who did it, it was perfectly fair game to take the mickey out of it.

(Note to you Americans: this is an English colloquialism, with which you are undoubtedly unfamiliar. The beauty of being able to speak English, my friends, is that you can actually mock things properly. You Yankees should give it a try someday.)

They even had a segment on their morning radio show called "Sucked In", in which they would literally crank-call people and either scare the living daylights out of them with BS lawsuit claims, or mock them to the point of reducing them to gibbering, incoherent slavering wrecks, or engage in furious argument with them for endless minutes, before finally revealing the con and giving the victim- er, winner- a T-shirt or a concert pass or something. By gum, it was hysterical.

So as a result, if someone like Ms. Lambie were to say something this boneheaded in a public forum- like a radio show- then she would unquestionably be hauled over the coals by the hosts of other commercial radio shows, and by her fellow Australians, for having all of the good sense and tact of a horny wombat. And rightly so, too.

It's just a shame that I'm no longer in Oz. There were a lot of things I didn't like about the country- but I would not mind being there right now, even if it is the middle of winter, just to see what mockery Ms. Lambie's delusions are subjected to by her fellow Aussies.


  1. Then, there's THIS asshole:

    Wait, no I'm sorry, that is her, too.

    This collective insanity on the part of women is painful to watch. It's also a pain in the ass. And it's ugly to look at. But so long as they keep playing their hand every time, the whole fiasco is fairly easy to avoid. When my male friends tell me yet another story about their shock at being wronged by their girlfriend/wife/Facebook Fuckbuddy, I've simply taken to asking them if they'd also try and put the pin back into a grenade.


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