At least she's honest
Jacqui Lambie, an Australian MP who shares the balance of power in the upper house, has apologised after declaring in a radio interview that she is looking for a partner who is “well-hung” and loaded with cash.
“They don’t even need to speak,” said Ms Lambie, a 43-year-old single mother of two. [Didact: I will try to take the high road, for once, and will avoid inserting the obligatory dirty joke here, simply because that is just too easy.]
The outspoken senator, who took up her position earlier this month, is a member of tycoon Clive Palmer’s new party, which has three seats on the cross-bench in Australia’s senate, or upper house. The somewhat unpredictable and unruly party has so far proven an obstacle for Tony Abbott, who does not have a majority in the senate and has frequently counted on the backing of Mr Palmer’s party.
In a radio interview in her home state of Tasmania, Ms Lambie told Heart FM that her ideal partner “must have heaps of cash and they’ve got to have a package between their legs”.
Asked about her bikini line, she said: “Right now the state I’m in, you’d want to bring out that whipper snipper [garden lawn trimmer] first. [Didact: Thanks, lady, that's a great mental image...] It’s a very scary area to talk about this morning.”
When a 22-year-old listener named Jamie offered to date the MP, she asked: “You don’t have any diseases do you?”
The exchange continued as James assured the former military policewoman he could handle her, which prompted her to ask: “Are you well-hung?” [Didact: S**t test. Which this guy is about to fail.]
When Jamie insisted he was [Didact: what did I just say?], Ms Lambie said she would consider a breakfast date [Didact: of pork balls and sausages?] before appearing to acknowledge that the banter may have tested the bounds of propriety.
“I can see my 24-year-old son now, he’d be cringing by now,” she said.
The interview prompted claims that Ms Lambie was the beneficiary of double-standards and that a male who made similar comments would be excoriated. [Didact: Correct on both counts.]
|I think there's a woman in there... somewhere...|
But if you're a woman in your mid-40s, with two grown-ass sons from two different men, and you think that someone like the fantasy male from the mommy-porn Fifty Shades trilogy is going to swoop in and give you a good rodgering while spending his money on you...
Well, I'm sorry to say that this level of monkey-s**t insanity is beyond the ability of any medicine to cure.
However, among the Australian public, she will not be nearly so fortunate.
They even had a segment on their morning radio show called "Sucked In", in which they would literally crank-call people and either scare the living daylights out of them with BS lawsuit claims, or mock them to the point of reducing them to gibbering, incoherent slavering wrecks, or engage in furious argument with them for endless minutes, before finally revealing the con and giving the victim- er, winner- a T-shirt or a concert pass or something. By gum, it was hysterical.
It's just a shame that I'm no longer in Oz. There were a lot of things I didn't like about the country- but I would not mind being there right now, even if it is the middle of winter, just to see what mockery Ms. Lambie's delusions are subjected to by her fellow Aussies.