Domain Query: Mo' women, mo' problems

The venerable Halfbreed had a question regarding my post on marriage:
What are your thoughts on plural marriage?

You know, sister wives?
Let's get the doctrinaire stuff out of the way right now: for reasons moral, economic, spiritual, and practical, I am categorically against polygamy. In my opinion the only form of marriage that works is the form that has worked for over 10,000 years (probably longer, actually): one man, one woman. Yes, I am well aware that Islam states that it is possible to have up to four wives (six, in some interpretations), since this is what the "prophet" did; it should also be remembered that their "prophet" was also a paedophile, a rapist, and a mass-murdering psychopath. I have supported and defended my position on the subject elsewhere, so I won't waste much time repeating myself here.

(For the record- I have exactly zero problems with a man having multiple long-term relationships or multiple simultaneous relationships while unmarried, provided he does not lie about his intentions with regards to monogamy. I have a big problem with a man sleeping around during marriage- as far as I'm concerned, marriage is a commitment, so don't take it on unless you really mean it.)

Now that this has been dealt with, I'm going to look at the question through the lens of game a bit more closely as a theoretical exercise of sorts- it is, after all, a very interesting question.

Let us suppose, for the sake of discussion alone, that it is legal for one man to marry multiple women but not for one woman to marry multiple men. (Ye cats, it would be depressing if the latter were possible...) From the perspective of a man with a high sex drive, this is theoretically a Very Good Thing- multiple women all available for sex? Who cook and clean for you? And raise your kids and keep your house? Sounds great, right?

The way I see it, there are two major problems with multiple marriage and sister wives.

The first is that, as any married man can attest, marriage is hard work. (I'd like to make it perfectly clear that I'm going by what I've seen from the marriages of my relatives, not from personal experience with the institution- marriage ain't a word, gents, it's a sentence!) And that is if you're married to just one woman- remember that you have to maintain dominance, frame, and masculine strength, and that takes work. Many men these days don't even have that in them. Of those that do, the rewards are unquestionably great and enjoyable, but never forget that marriage is indeed work and needs to be approached with only the most serious commitment. Maintaining frame and "hand" is absolutely critical to making marriage work- I'll be coming back to this later, because interestingly enough, Halfbreed himself actually provides much of the answer to this problem in his latest post.

The second major problem has to do with the nature of women. If you've been reading the literature on game for any length of time, you will have noticed by this point that there are several basic truths about the nature of women:
  1. In virtually every case, a woman will choose to share an Alpha male with several other women over having sole access to a Beta or lower male.
  2. Women are extremely prone to jealousy, which is an incredibly powerful emotion; it can be used to manipulate women through preselection, anxiety due to the presence of rivals, and fitness testing- but it can also destroy relationships with astonishing speed.
  3. Female hypergamy- the very real and very observable hardwired tendency of women to seek out the highest-status man that they can get in socio-sexual terms- requires that a man needs to maintain or enhance his socio-sexual rank in order to start and grow his harem.
  4. Women do not approach relative status in the same way that men do. For men, status is a question of strength and dominance, and it is relatively straightforward for us to work out who is top dog. For women, status is secured through far more underhanded means- i.e. through bitchiness, veiled insults, subtle (and not-so-subtle) peer pressure, and constant competition.
On the first problem, I refer you to Halfbreed's latest post regarding the importance of the "pimp hand". Now I want to make it crystal clear that neither he nor I are advocating naked aggression against anyone. Nor do I at any point seek to equate husbands with pimps, in any capacity whatsoever. I seek only to point out that Halfbreed's basic insight about maintaining a strong frame is a generally applicable and valid rule. Any man, whether he be a virgin out to get his first notch, an experienced player, a married man seeking wedded bliss and stability, or a stone-cold pimp, needs to maintain dominance in his relationships with his women. Without that dominance, he rapidly goes the Way of the Beta.

In practical terms, this simply means that if polygamy were legal, and acceptable, and practical, then any man who chooses to be polygamous would absolutely need to maintain his status as the head of the household. If he did not, his women would eat him alive. There is nothing that disgusts women (and men, for that matter) more thoroughly than a weak or spineless man. If you have multiple women in the same house and the same family, and you're supposedly sleeping with each of them, then you'd damn well better be capable of passing s**t tests with flying colours every time.

Secondly, such a man has to know that a hierarchy would rapidly form. He can influence it himself- and by the way, this is true of soft harems and royal harems as well, subjects on which you'd do well to ask Halfbreed himself about- but unlike a soft harem, in which the women in question don't necessarily know each other, in a polygamous household, they all know each other. If that hierarchy is not kept harmonious through the repeated and overt efforts of the man and his favourite woman to keep it in line, then you've got a very nasty scenario- lots of unbalanced estrogen in a confined space.

I should point out that, from an introvert's perspective, having more than one woman in the house is just painful. We like our privacy and we like our alone time. A lot. Having that intruded upon constantly by multiple women is just beyond the pale, which is why I suspect most deep introverts would be just fine with MLTRs and OLTRs, as Blackdragon calls them, but would find the idea of having multiple women running around in the same house to be a shoulder-sagging prospect. (For more details, and considerable amusement, check this out.)

My final thought on the subject is that in theory, having sister wives is not impossible; it isn't even necessarily undesirable, even though, as I said, I do not agree at all with the concept. I just think that making such an arrangement work would require very strong relationship game. The best analogy that I can think of comes from one of the very few mainstream TV shows that I actually like- a very funny right-wing sitcom called Last Man Standing starring Tim Allen, who plays a "man's man" in a household with three girls and his wife. If you observe the family dynamics at play there, the reason that Mike Baxter is not a henpecked husband in that show, and is actually respected and loved by his children, is because he is unquestionably the head of his household and demonstrates this repeatedly and effortlessly. (There is an episode in which, right at the end, his youngest daughter is on a date with this idiot kid in the living room- while Mike is cleaning his shotgun in plain sight in the den; that is exactly what I'm on about. Plus, it's hilarious.)

As with any other kind of relationship, masculine strength and dominance are key to success, just even more so (i.e. turn it all the way up to 11).



Comments

  1. The only way polygamy can be enforced is through violence and the power of the State. As for all women preferring "Alphas" (sic) over "Betas" (sic), those concepts are Manosphere delusions. Had I so wished, starting at 16, I could have collected perhaps 12 wives. And it would have happened because I am not a blowhard with nothing but bluster - the so-called "Alpha".

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  2. Damn bro. Good post.

    As much as I'd like to think my game is strong enough to pull it off, I do agree that plural wives might simply be too much work....

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    Replies
    1. Since you maintain a soft harem at minimum these days, I reckon you certainly could. It's just that your peace of mind would rapidly disappear, having to deal with all that estrogen in a confined space...

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