Theoretical Offence?

The inimitable Blackdragon posted a piece a while back that, apparently, caused several readers to erupt into frothing rage:
Let’s take a Star Trek moment and say a tear in the space-time continuum caused an alternate timeline in which I was born a female instead of a male. Let’s assume my personality and goals were more or less the same (as much as possible with a more emotional feminine brain), and let’s also make the wild and unlikely assumption that as a woman I was able to maintain at least most of my rational life outlook at least most of the time (which probably wouldn’t be the case, since I’d be a girl, but let’s go with it for the sake of illustration). 
How then, would I have lived my life, and continue to live my life to this day, knowing what I now know? How would I achieve and maintain my lifestyle and goals of freedom and consistent happiness? It’s an interesting question because of the vast differences between men and women, also considering that men and women take very different paths in life. Note that I am not necessarily recommending that women do what I’m about to describe. At least, not all of it. This is simply an example of what would happen if a high-sex-drive, long-term-happiness-seeking, hyper-rational personality were a woman, rather than a man.
The post goes into considerable detail about how such a woman would essentially seek to exploit her looks, her sexual power and prowess, and her hypergamous instincts into the usual "Alpha f***s, Beta bucks" scenarios that we commonly see today. It is an immensely entertaining and interesting piece, and I highly recommend reading it in full before proceeding with the rest of this post.

Blackdragon then issued a follow-up, knowing full well that his previous piece had caused some people's heads to explode, by ruminating on what would happen were he born as (and this is going to sound really weird) a woman with a man's brain. (Yeah. Weird.) His follow-up post was, if anything, even better than the original:

Let’s start out with me, BeeDee, at around age 18 or so. Like my sister Blackdragonette, I would consider my physical appearance to be a top priority. I would understand that the prettier I was as a woman, the easier the rest of my life would be, and the higher quality men I could date or marry. 
Therefore, I would make sure to watch my diet constantly and I would exercise regularly. I would keep my hair reasonably long and reasonably blonde. If I was genetically stuck with small boobs (A or B cup), I would do my best to save or borrow the money to get fake boobs and get those puppies up to at least up to a C cup. This would be done by my mid-twenties at the very latest. 
However, my looks would not be quite the obsession it would be with Blackdragonette. I will have noticed by age 20 that even if my stomach was not 100% washboard, men would still be throwing themselves at me constantly as long as I was reasonably blonde, cute, and trim. Blackdragonette would be spending hours in the gym, salons, and tanning beds…I would not. I would consider that level of activity to be a matter of diminishing returns. Blackdragonette wants (needs!) to be a 10. I just need to be an 8.5 or so…but I need to maintain that forever. 
BeeDee would be hot, but not very girly. While Blackdragonette would be walking around in skirts and frilly tops, I’d be wearing a lot of jeans and normal shirts. Occasionally I would dress up but it would not be my norm. That being said, I would make sure that my jeans showed off my ass in the very best way and that my cleavage showed often. I would likely be into stuff more nerdy girls are into, like Dr. Who and Joss Whedon more than Barbies or Vampire Diaries.
Now, maybe I'm just kind of a jerk (which I am), or maybe I'm an unfeeling overly rational cad (also true), or maybe I just don't care what most people think (again, true), but I honestly fail to see why anyone would take issue with what Blackdragon wrote in those two posts.

His description of Blackdragonette was, as far as I can tell, a spot-on description of several overly ambitious and yet very sexy career-oriented women that I've seen thus far. These women make terrible managers and bosses, they avoid hard work and productivity like the plague, and they don't really seem to do anything, yet are rewarded by virtue of their looks. I've written before about this one female that I work with who is, for all intents and purposes, a living avatar of Blackdragonette- let's call her "BT" for her two most observable attributes. BT is what I like to call "stupid-inducingly hot". (She also annoys the crap out of me, since as far as I can tell she's about as useful as the blinds on the windows, but that's beside the point.) She used to work at my firm, then left to join another one, then lost her job there, and came back to us as a temp. BT is still with us, doing, as far as I can tell, sod all. The reason she is here is because she is taking maximum advantage of the effect that her looks- and I have no problem admitting that BT is a stunner- have on fat boring middle-aged managers married to fat boring middle-aged wives. Again, there is no point getting worked up about what she is doing because she is using what she has to make her life easier, just as I use my brain and my skills to make my life easier. And I don't hold any of that against BT, which is why I'm not the least bit bothered by what Blackdragon wrote about his theoretical female counterpart.

His description of BeeDee is also right on the money. Again, I've seen an example of this sort of woman up close. My former protege- let's call her "Marilyn", mostly because she is neither dumb nor blonde and because it annoys her- is also very attractive and very personable, and like the theoretical BeeDee is reasonably rational most of the time. (Her "tastes" in music notwithstanding, that is.) She does not lead men on, she does not actively seek relationships when she doesn't want them, and while I'm pretty sure she plays the field, I have no reason to believe that she ever promises anyone monogamy when she doesn't mean it. She is, in other words, honourable- or at least, as honourable as one can expect from a highly attractive, very smart woman. I can see her life more or less following the pattern laid out in Blackdragon's exposition of BeeDee- if Marilyn doesn't settle down and marry sometime soon (she's in her mid-twenties as of this writing), she probably never will, and knowing her she will not seek to have children out of wedlock. Anyone who has met Marilyn generally likes her, she's that sort of person. Given these experiences, all I can say is that Blackdragon's description of what would happen if you put his brain in a woman's body is not wildly inaccurate.

Again, I personally have no idea why people got so angry at what Blackdragon wrote. I can perhaps see why people would be offended at having their cherished ideas and notions challenged, but then that's rather the point of a blog like Blackdragon's- to push people out of their comfort zones and to accept certain real and raw truths. Based on what I've seen in my life, not only is Blackdragon right on the money, he also makes a damn sight more sense than any of the standard relationship "gurus" out there who claim that men and women are somehow "perfectly compatible" and that relationships are just what somehow "happens" over time. They're not, and it takes time and effort to figure out how to play the game and get what you want out of it.


  1. This isn't offensive so much as over simplified. The more attractive a woman the greater effort is spent on filtering out guys. A 10 is going to get so much attention from men that are chancing their arm to be with her. There is a certain naive view point within this article. Mostly the assumption that only men in her league will be the only ones pursuing her.

    I think the writer underestimates what a woman's true strength is in life. It isn't her looks. Looks only get you in the door. A woman's true strength is her emotions. There is nothing that would break a man's resolve quicker that a woman who admires him or a woman who cries in front of him. Both have the ability to take the most good looking masculine man and turn him into a bumbling idiot lost for words. There is no defense system built into men to guard against a woman's emotion.

    I think the biggest problem women have today stem from not using their emotions. And I don't mean in a manipulative way. Somewhere down the line women thought the best route was trying to be more logical like men and competing with them. Now most women don't trust their intuition or have a good grasp on their emotions. Which turn them into being more illogical and on the crazy side often. Those women who do know how to use their emotional side tend to be unstoppable.

  2. There is a certain naive view point within this article. Mostly the assumption that only men in her league will be the only ones pursuing her.

    With respect, that actually wasn't my take on Blackdragon's article at all. He actually does point out that Blackdragonette would in fact marry a Beta but still bang Alphas on the side- which means that Blackdragonette would actively seek out men of lower socio-sexual status in order to fulfill her own primary objectives. There is nothing wrong with this as far as I'm concerned, it's just What Women Do.

    I think the writer underestimates what a woman's true strength is in life. It isn't her looks. Looks only get you in the door. A woman's true strength is her emotions.


    Personally I think the only area where Blackdragon sort of stumbled a bit was in leaving out the emotional factor. I'm not surprised that he did. He's a very rational, very strong and successful guy writing from a male point of view. We blokes simply don't see the world emotionally- not nearly as emotionally as women do, anyway. So it is very very difficult for any one of us to step into a woman's head and turn that chaotic emotional landscape into something meaningful that the logic-driven male psyche can tolerate.

  3. Women don't place a high value on the alpha and beta dynamic. The alpha dynamic really only effects men. When it comes to women and men interacting the dynamic switches to the masculine and feminine dynamic. Basically transforming the beta from a social group to a alpha in a partnership. I used to work in a bar and I saw so many men fail to get women because they were so fixated on being alpha. When a man is interacting with a woman he is already an alpha by default. I know there is still the alpha and beta dynamic in women, but it is quite different. Typically the alpha woman in a group of women is the most feminine.

    Most of the alpha women go for the most masculine man. The most masculine man does not have to be an alpha. Also within the alpha and beta dynamic the roles are not fixed. If you have 5 beta men in a social group, one is going to rise to alpha until another alpha comes along to challenge them. When it comes to women though, that alpha has the same chance as the betas. If anything an alpha has more problems with women. Yes, a woman will be attracted to an alpha but if the alpha abuses his power and is not fair to the betas, he will be dismissed. Alphas have the most pressure to be fair. Probably the reason why frat boys and bros get laid a lot but don't really get respected by women. To be the most masculine, you have to be the most respected.


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