"We Can't Fix You"

At a Krav Maga class a few weeks back, the Master Instructor seemed to be having a rather bad day and got a bit snappish at several of us for making the same mistake over and over again. He stopped us all and proceeded to give us a short lecture, and I'll never forget what he said to us:
One of my instructors said something the other day, it was so wise. He said, "we cannot fix you, we can only show you what not to do". He's right. People come up to me and say, "fix me", and all I can say is [shrugs], "I can't. You have to fix yourself." It's up to you whether you decide to do what I tell you and fix yourself. If you do, great. If you don't, fine. But don't come up to me afterwards and say, "fix me". I can't.
What he told us applies to every aspect of life. There are plenty of guys out there- I would say the vast majority of them, actually- who are not getting out of life what they wanted or expected, for whatever reason. Many of them will become studies in human tragedy, because they will never fulfill their true potential as human beings. And the reason they will never do this is because they will never see the root cause of their problems: themselves.

They will never understand that:
  • They, and they alone, must manage their finances intelligently; government can't do it for them
  • Women will never be attracted to them for "being themselves", unless they are already interesting and powerful men to begin with
  • The advice that they have been given throughout their lives is usually bad and often dangerous
  • Society today is virtually engineered to see that they fail
  • Their futures have been traded away for the follies of the present, and only they can take it back
I remember reading somewhere, probably on RoK, that we Manospherians are a small and possibly dwindling bunch of anti-authoritarians who are vastly outnumbered by the somnambulant hordes of sheeple around us. Whoever it was, wherever I read it, this is absolutely true.

Fixing yourself is hard. You have to have the humility to accept that you are flawed. You have to be willing to change. The process of changing is often painful- and if you're of an introverted cast of mind, the prospect of change holds two terrifying possibilities: the possibility of public scorn and ridicule, and the possibility of abandoning everything that you like and respect about yourself. That is why most people never change- they're so comfortable with what is and they never want to abandon that.

Lord knows, I've got lots of work to do here myself. I've made some serious progress over the last 2 years since I discovered and accepted the Truth of the pill. I've changed my workout routines, my diet, my reading habits, what I watch, how I spend my free time. I've learned how to shoot (but am still a lousy shot), and I've taken up a martial art (and despite being able to punch and kick pretty well, and break chokeholds with reasonable proficiency, I'm still very much a novice). The one thing I haven't done is apply what I've learned from the game to cold approaches. I haven't changed the way I spend my nights alone- partly because, to be honest, I like being alone. Solitude offers a clarity and a perspective that most people will never find. But that solitude is also comfortable, so it's very easy to get stuck in a rut, which is precisely what I've gone and done for more than 10 years now. At some point, this has to end- and it's getting to the point where I know it has to end soon.

You can't be fixed by others. You can only fix yourself. Doing so requires courage, commitment, and sacrifice. I'm not going to claim that the rewards are always worth it; sometimes the changes you introduce are so painful and so difficult that you have to be willing to admit that you made a mistake and retrace your steps. But the first step to fixing yourself lies in admitting that something in your life is not satisfactory, and then taking action to address the problem.

No one can do this for you. In that respect, we are all well and truly alone. The good news is, with the Manosphere, there is no end to the wisdom and worldly advice that will set you on the right track.

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