Vox Day's recent review of Dr. Helen Smith's new book, Men on Strike, was the only push I needed to start reading the book myself. I'm barely through the first chapter right now, but all I can say is that if you thought marriage was probably not a great idea before, you're going to think it's a horrible idea by the time you're through with this book. More importantly, this book got me thinking, at some length, about the considerable differences I've seen in my life between the men who have very happy and successful marriages, and the men who are miserable in their marriages.
I've written before about my own parents and how their marriage works because my father is completely comfortable with taking the leadership role in that relationship. I have never been able to think of my father as anything other than the head of the household, and my mother has never done anything to undermine that status in any way. Because of this, they've been together for damn near 35 years, raised two great kids, built an extremely tight-knit family, and managed to retire very comfortably. However, when you contrast this with the typical Asian household, you might be surprised to learn that this sort of thing is the exception, not the norm. This is especially true of younger generations; and, unfortunately, the problem is getting worse over time.
At my workplace, I have a co-worker who is from sort of the same part of the same country that I am. He's about my age, and he's married to a woman that he's known since... oh, high school, apparently. I present his story as an example, and a warning. This guy is the very epitome of the Gamma male that Vox puts so far down his socio-sexual ladder. You can see it in the way he walks, talks, and moves; he walks hunched over, eyes down, back curved; his manner is timid and he is almost incapable of taking initiative without me telling him what to do. His wife is constantly calling him up- yet he rarely calls her. And when she calls him, he always has this downcast look on his face, his voice drops down to a near-whisper, and he looks away from us, almost as if he's ashamed to be seen talking to her. She makes his lunches for him from leftovers, and he doesn't dare to tell her, "no, I'm getting my OWN lunch today, thank you". When we go out for drinks, he has maybe one or two drinks before slinking off home. Apparently his wife is a very sweet person; but she also owns his ass. It gets to the point where I mock him to his face about how his wife is in charge of his life, and he is so sackless that he simply laughs along, even though I can see quite clearly that the jokes sting whatever pride he has left.
It is very clear who wears the pants in that relationship. It is even more surprising that this is the situation given that he works, and she doesn't. Yet, if you know anything about Asian marriages, you will immediately realise that this situation is all too common. The fact is that Asian men rarely learn game- because they rarely have to. And it comes back to bite them in the arse when they get married, because they become almost completely disposable in the relationship.
Unfortunately, this is exactly the situation confronting the modern young American male, except much worse, because you Americans don't have anything like the traditions of filial piety and attachment to family values that we Asians do. If you are a young bloke and you are lucky enough to stumble across writers like Vox, Captain Capitalism, and the Unholy Trinity of Roosh, Roissy, and Rollo, then there is hope for you. If you learn Athol Kay's Marriage Action Plan, you may even be able to rescue an unhappy marriage. But if you are not, the reality of the modern sexual market place is that female hypergamy, combined with a justice system that favours women with truly shocking bias, will result in a marriage that is more likely to fail than to succeed.
It is possible to salvage or even completely eliminate that risk in marriage by learning game- if you can overcome your own brainwashing through decades of propaganda learned in school, from fellow Churchians, and in the workplace. However, the fact of the matter is that the outcomes of divorce are so dangerous to your future happiness that you might as well not bother.
If you get married, and the marriage fails, your ex-spouse can walk away with up to 90% of your assets. She has the legal right in certain parts of this country to make you pay alimony for a child that isn't yours. She can put you into indentured servitude for years and even decades to her whims. She can, without any provocation, destroy your career and reputation with a single allegation of spousal abuse. And she can do all of this in the name of "equality"- a mythical trope that has never existed even once in human history, and never will.
It is important to point out that there are good women out there- sweet, soft, feminine, a joy to be around. Understanding what women are and what drives them should not mean that we tar all women with the same brush, because the good ones are still out there. But they are getting more and more scarce in America. The reality of modern marriage is that the upside is relatively limited, while the downside is enormous. If you get married today, in the utterly feminised, utterly morally directionless West, then you are not too different from a sheep arguing with a wolf over what to eat for dinner.
If you do not learn game, then your eventual fate will be a mirror image of my co-worker's above; you will end up in thrall to a woman and you will barely recognise her from the woman you loved and married. Do not make the mistake that this man made and get married young. Take your time. Understand what you're getting into. Realise that marriage represents far more than just a commitment to another person- it represents the very bedrock upon which civilisation itself is built, and (in the Christian version, at least) it is a binding oath taken with the Lord as your witness. Do not profane that oath by entering into marriage unaware of the dangers and unwilling to take up the mantle of responsibility that it confers.
Better yet, just don't get married, at least not until you are good and ready and considerably older. I am very much on Team Civilisation here- I believe in restoring marriage to its proper place of honour within civilised society. But I believe that this can only happen when men finally accept their roles as leaders in marriage, not followers. And that can only come with time and experience.