Misdiagnosing the Problem

In which a woman who plainly thinks far too highly of herself completely misses the point:
Men of my father's generation would never have dreamed of telling their wives they could not have another child because they wanted more time to themselves. They just got on with it. 
To return to my own situation, I called off a wedding in my early 30s amid serious doubts about the direction in which my fiancĂ© and I were heading - doubts made worse when he kept saying 'maybe next year' to the prospect of a baby. 
Then I met the broker. We had been together for three years,  six months of those casually  trying for a baby, before I went to see a specialist. 
I was nearly 38 by then and as there was no sign of a pregnancy, I had my suspicions that it was not going to happen without intervention. 
But the best thing I could do to maximise my chances was to give up on the idea that I might get pregnant naturally and embark on a course of IVF. The sooner we got started the better.The specialist told me in  no uncertain terms that I had to be more proactive. He could run endless tests, which would take time and money, to find out why exactly I was having trouble conceiving. 
When my boyfriend and I were trying for a baby naturally, I think he found it manageable. He liked the idea that it might not happen. It made him able to cope. 
While initially he seemed keen about IVF, when it came to actually signing up to a medical process geared to making children happen, he took fright. 
The most shocking thing was the gulf between his cowardly decision to back out and the caring impression he gave me at the start of our relationship.
The article starts, continues, and ends in pretty much that same hectoring tone throughout. Of course, if the author had bothered to pay the slightest bit of attention to details that otherwise escaped her solipsistic rant, she would quickly realise that the endemic problem she is describing is a reaction to everything that she and her kind wanted in the first place.

Anyone who has read Dr. Helen Smith's Men on Strike (Didact's review forthcoming) knows that this world in which men are desperately trying to escape the responsibilities which were once theirs is one that we have been forced into. What the author of that agony aunt piece doesn't realise is that men are not stupid. Nor are we the irresponsible children she would have everyone else believe we are. We merely recognise that there are severe costs to fatherhood these days. We recognise that marriage and fatherhood present truly staggering risks- emotional, financial, and moral- in today's feminised society.

This is just a sample of what can happen to a man after he becomes a father:
  • If the child is not biologically his, he can still be forced to pay for the child's upbringing, education, and welfare- despite having done nothing to deserve such an imposition
  • If the mother decides to walk out on him, the courts are so biased against him, by default, that he will have to spend years and enormous resources to fight for the chance to have his children back in his life
  • If his wife or partner alleges abuse against him, the burden of proof is upon him, not upon the accuser- he is guilty until proven innocent, in a ghastly perversion of the rights of Man
I do have some sympathy for this lady's desire to have a child. But, like many women of her generation, she left it far too late. She should have avoided the carousel and the inevitable rapid decline in her own SMV that resulted, and settled down in her mid-to-late twenties at the latest. Instead, she left her decision until far too late. The reality of trying to conceive a child in one's forties as a woman is that one's biology simply will not cooperate; the chances of conception are very low and the chances of birth defects or other disorders are exceedingly high.

One last word of advice to anyone out there who is either a young bloke looking to settle down, or an older Beta-to-Gamma male being hectored by his woman: if you want to avoid making possibly the biggest mistake of your entire life, DO NOT give in to pressure from any woman to have a child. It must be YOUR decision, and yours alone. If you are biologically incapable of conception, that is one thing; but if your wife or partner is telling you that she wants a child RIGHT NOW, you have to understand that the imperatives of female biology will override any and all rights that you thought were yours. So for your own sake, be very careful.


Popular Posts