Misdiagnosing the Problem
Men of my father's generation would never have dreamed of telling their wives they could not have another child because they wanted more time to themselves. They just got on with it.
To return to my own situation, I called off a wedding in my early 30s amid serious doubts about the direction in which my fiancé and I were heading - doubts made worse when he kept saying 'maybe next year' to the prospect of a baby.
Then I met the broker. We had been together for three years, six months of those casually trying for a baby, before I went to see a specialist.
I was nearly 38 by then and as there was no sign of a pregnancy, I had my suspicions that it was not going to happen without intervention.
But the best thing I could do to maximise my chances was to give up on the idea that I might get pregnant naturally and embark on a course of IVF. The sooner we got started the better.The specialist told me in no uncertain terms that I had to be more proactive. He could run endless tests, which would take time and money, to find out why exactly I was having trouble conceiving.
When my boyfriend and I were trying for a baby naturally, I think he found it manageable. He liked the idea that it might not happen. It made him able to cope.While initially he seemed keen about IVF, when it came to actually signing up to a medical process geared to making children happen, he took fright.
The most shocking thing was the gulf between his cowardly decision to back out and the caring impression he gave me at the start of our relationship.
- If the child is not biologically his, he can still be forced to pay for the child's upbringing, education, and welfare- despite having done nothing to deserve such an imposition
- If the mother decides to walk out on him, the courts are so biased against him, by default, that he will have to spend years and enormous resources to fight for the chance to have his children back in his life
- If his wife or partner alleges abuse against him, the burden of proof is upon him, not upon the accuser- he is guilty until proven innocent, in a ghastly perversion of the rights of Man