Ladies, Here Are Your Choices...

I included this one in my weekend linkage post this week, but it's worth expanding upon somewhat. This all started when an anonymous young female engineer named "AA" wrote to Vox and challenged him to explain certain views of his that she was very insulted by regarding women who choose careers over family and marriage.

Vox's response was, even by his usually excellent standard, a work of art:
Now I'm going to teach you a hard, but very important lesson. You see, I don't care you how feel. I really don't. More importantly, neither does anyone else. Only about 200 people on a planet of 7 billion actually care about your feelings, and that's if you're lucky. The sooner you grasp this lesson, the better off you will be. And since almost no one gives a damn what you do, say, think, or feel, appealing to your feelings when you encounter differences of opinion is not only illogical, but useless.
What happened to me to make my brain go this wrong? The short answer is: living life with my eyes open. Keep in mind that I'm more intelligent than you are. The fact that you can't understand the way I think doesn't make my brain wrong, it merely means you aren't keeping up. But more important is the fact that I'm considerably more experienced than you are. I've had three decades to observe the differences between all those school lessons about valuing equality, diversity, and vibrancy and the way human beings actually behave. Equality is a myth; it doesn't exist anymore than fairies and unicorns do. As for women's rights, well, a young woman as intelligent as you should be able to handle the math that dictates what happens to a society when an insufficient number of young women marry and have children. Since women's rights are very strongly correlated with demographic decline, they are not sustainable and are, in fact, societally deleterious. They are not so much wrong as fatal when viewed from the macro perspective.
I've said this before, I know, but this is exactly why Vox is an Award Winning Cruelty Artist, and it is also exactly why you should never try to match wits with a superintelligence like him without having a very good idea exactly what you're up against. His response to AA's frankly rather vapid missive was rational, analytical, and brutal all in one. And the fact is that what he wrote is a lesson that young women in any career-oriented field will discover for themselves the hard way, sooner or later- often later, very often to their great regret.

I have written before about the need for women to marry young and to raise good sons and daughters, and of the absurd fallacy of "having it all". I will not repeat those points here, but I would like to expand upon a point raised by Vox concerning priorities in life:
Another thing you have no reason to know is that young women are reliably bad at foreseeing what they will want to do in the near future. I graduated with a number of women like you. None of them thought they were interested in marriage and children until they were about 27. Then they suddenly changed their minds and some of them were very upset that they had spent the previous ten years pursuing goals that were now unimportant to them. I even wrote a column about it called Spitting Their Pretty Faces back in 2003, you can Google it. Think about 2003. You were ten. Are your goals the same now as they were then? If not, then how can you be certain that your goals, and your opinion about marriage and children, will be the same when you are 30?
He's right. Women's priorities do change over time, and I've seen this happen time and again in the four companies I've worked in now, across two continents and two radically different cultures. My mentor and friend during my internship all those years ago in Singapore is one of the very, very few INTJ women in existence (relative to INTJ men, anyway- you think we're a rare breed, you should see how rare the INTJ female is). She started out her career at PwC as an accountant and spent 5 years there. She told me how, when she started out, she thought that she would go all-in for her career, put off getting married and having children, and make Managing Director in her mid-30s.

When she actually got to her 30s, though, things changed very quickly. She went to business school shortly after I graduated from college- she and I are over 11 years apart in age- at the ripe old age of 33, and realised that in fact what she wanted at the time was a break from work. She wanted to get away from the relentless grind of life in corporate finance, the endless politics of the office, and the constant cycles of month-end reporting, and spend some time partying instead- which is exactly what she did during her time in two programs on two continents. When she graduated from B-school, she found a very cushy job at a medical devices manufacturer. She was able to live a comfortable life, turning up for work at nice hours, going running, cooking, and living in her own apartment. By the standards of the modern feminist, she was living the dream- she was being paid the same as a man, but doing less work and living a better life.

Then she got laid off. Suddenly everything she had worked towards for the previous 5 years became irrelevant. She had nothing to fall back upon, no safety net, and because she was both a thoroughly feminised woman and a deep introvert, she wasn't really much into dating anyone. She spent the better part of two years looking for work, without success- probably because her standards are quite high. She refused to go back to her home country due to "family issues" and insisted on staying in the US to look for work in the teeth of a severe and ongoing recession. Just recently, I discovered that for all of her half-joking words about "all men are jerks", she'd gotten married without telling me. I have no idea whether that marriage is genuine or not; given her age, and given that she is not a permanent resident in the US, I do wonder whether it is a marriage of convenience. She is my friend, so I would like to think better of her than that; but I also recognise that women are what they are, and they will do what they need to in order to survive.

If you are a young woman and you are reading this, or you read what Vox writes and take offence, know this: first, your emotional reactions hold no interest to us whatsoever, we aren't intimidated by them. Second, we are right, and you will find this out the hard way. Third, the single greatest service that you can do for your people and your society is to bear strong sons and feminine daughters while being married to a man who exemplifies the masculine virtues- strength, courage, mastery, and honour.

Speaking as a young man who is automatically and strongly attracted to that which is feminine, I can only say this: the masculine traits that you seek to emulate by way of career achievements don't matter a damn to me or others like me. I am very likely smarter than you, I almost surely work harder than you, I am certainly physically stronger and faster than you, and I am virtually guaranteed to be better travelled, more worldly, and more knowledgeable on a very wide range of subjects than you. Qualities like strength, hard work, and high intelligence impress me in a man; they do not impress me in a woman. What impresses me is a woman who is conscious of her physical beauty and maintains it, who is pleasant and relaxing to be around, and who can hold an opinion without being a ball-buster. Such women are increasingly difficult to find under the age of 30 thanks to today's feminised culture. If you truly seek to avoid becoming an evolutionary dead end, as Vox advises you to do, then focus on being that which attracts men instead of that which repels us.

If you really want to impress us, in other words, act like Belldandy. Maintain a nice figure, grow out your hair, dress like a woman who is conscious of her physical beauty, read serious books about serious subjects, and be pleasant to be around. It's not asking much, but this is beyond the vast majority of women in the workplace today. And if you are not careful, it will be beyond you too.

Trust me on this- you'll thank guys like me for this advice when you hit 28. You're welcome.


  1. Reminds me of this classic scene from Cowboy Bebop:

    Now that I think about it; Spike has to be a fellow INTJ.

    I dunno. The one thing more dangerous than an educated women is a half educated one. The ones that read a book or two on a subject and then decides to ruin everyone's day.

    1. Ha. Good clip, that one. Yeah, that's pretty much how INTJs view, well, everything and everyone else- we just want to be LEFT. THE. F***. ALONE. by most people we meet.

      You're not wrong about half-educated women either. The number of times I've had to step in and slap down a stupid argument from a woman on her high horse about the topic du jour among her friends is not funny.

      There are women out there who are genuinely intelligent, interesting, and exude feminine charm. Sadly, they are growing fewer in number every day, as far as I can tell.


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