Domain Query: Introverts and Self-Improvement

Though my posts might be few and far between, I do in fact read the comments that people (and I mean people, not spambots) post. It just takes me a while to respond to them, for which I can only apologise. Nonetheless, a recent comment from pumpsix was, I thought, worthy of response:
Can I get your thoughts on something? Just say that you have been weight training for a while, doing some martial arts/other interesting [hobby], and progressing solidly in your career/study. How do you overcome the social barriers of being stuck on (2)?
I wish I could tell you that it's easy, but it isn't. I hate small talk even more than most introverts- it annoys me beyond measure, especially at work when I'm trying to concentrate on getting things done. That said, by working on self-improvement you are by definition making yourself more interesting as a man. And this automatically makes you better able to move from the irritating, noisy superficiality of modern conversation straight to the deep subjects, interests, and ideas that drive your existence forward. It also makes you better able to connect with women. You do, however, have to figure out how to make that step, and that is where the difficulty lies.

Let me give you three concrete examples from my own life and show you how to apply them. In the last 6 months, I have done three things that the vast majority of women in my part of the world will never experience because they are either too liberal, too pampered, too feminised (in the feminist sense of the word, to be clear), or all three. I have fired handguns (and enjoyed the hell out of it), taken up a martial art, and travelled on my own halfway around the world to Asia and the UK. And starting today I'm going to get back to playing the acoustic guitar, which is something I've let slide for nearly three years now.

All of these things are immensely enjoyable and easy for me to talk about because they interest me. They also happen to interest women in ways that, say, video games, running (and even weight-lifting), and books simply do not.

Take martial arts. The very fact that a man does martial arts automatically makes him seem more dangerous- and therefore more masculine- to a woman. To connect with this instinct, all you have to do is drop a hint about taking a Krav Maga class and how sore you are after the workout- and then, when she asks about it, state matter-of-factly what Krav Maga is all about. If she continues to show interest in that thread of conversation, then it's not difficult to escalate physically by showing her a few defensive blocks and a basic stance (assuming, of course, that you're in a venue with standing room that doesn't frown on this sort of thing- as with real estate, location is everything).

Or take playing the guitar. (For this example you do need to know more than 3 chords, and you need to be able to play at least one song with reasonable competence. I recommend classical guitar because it just sounds nicer- plus, it's easier on the fingers.) With a guitar, you have an actual physical prop to use that allows for concrete, practical demonstrations and allows you to rapidly move on to physical escalation. All you have to do is use a prop and show that you know what you're doing with it. If you can't sing (and I cannot) then so much the better- just let your hands do the talking.

Finally, take firearms. In the hyper-liberal Northeast, firearms are something that most women will never take the time to familiarise themselves with- and neither will most men, for that matter. If you know something about firearms, and are competent and skilled in handling and using them, you automatically make yourself stand out by showing off a potent and powerful skill. Taking a woman to a firing range is a great second or third date. It's just very difficult to do this where I live, unless you're willing to make a day of it and drive out to less idiotic parts of the state (or out to Pennsylvania, where they are vastly more sensible about these things).

In order to make this work, however, you have to take the crucial next step: actually engaging with other people. This is, I will readily admit, incredibly difficult. After a long day at work the last thing I want to do is talk to people. I have to mentally psych myself up every time for a night out with colleagues, and more than once I've simply said "f*** it" and gone home instead. You can't ignore this part of your programming as an introvert. You can only work around it. For an expert's tips on that, check out what Halfbreed has to say.

Two final thoughts. First is something that comes from Roosh's Bang: in order for a conversation to have a deep connection with a woman, there has to be a vibe in it- and that vibe has to show you off as a man with interesting ideas and hobbies. I would extend this to your conversations with anyone else. You don't become interesting by talking about doing interesting things- you become interesting by just doing them. It's true that you might feel worried or intimidated by the idea of doing something new or different. That is where the will to succeed comes in- the same will and determination that will allow you to bring depth into your interactions.

And that brings me to my second point- a thought that comes from one of the best movies ever made, Batman Begins. Remember that scene where Bruce Wayne is training with Henri Ducard (okay, okay, Ra's al Ghul) out on the ice? Remember what Ra's tells him?
Training is nothing! WILL is EVERYTHING!


  1. Hey,

    Thanks for answering my question.

    I also agree that game for introverts isn't a big topic in the sphere. However, it is slowly making more of a regular appearance.


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