"Marry in Haste, Repent at Leisure"

The Elusive Wapiti wrote recently about the consequences of entering into marital "bliss" without any game:
In sum, my friend and I made several mistakes in the run-up to our marriages and in the years after we were married, mistakes that eventually proved fatal to our marriages. From being unequally yoked, to following the wrong marriage model, to marrying a woman with the wrong values, to not cherishing our wives, to over-investing in kiddos, to not cleaving from one's parents and cleaving to each other, the aggregated weight of mistakes my friend and I made helped set us up for divorce several years later. Thus for those fellows inclined toward marriage--and I posit that only religious men marry in today's legal and social climate, yet most of us will take the plunge at some point in our lives--I pray that you will heed the experience of others.
It's a rather long post, but I recommend reading the whole thing in full. It should serve as a stark warning to those of you who are thinking about marriage, or who are already married and are seeing signs of stress or fracture in your marriages.

To EW's thoughts, I can only add what I saw from visiting two of my oldest and closest friends in Europe recently. One of them got married last year, the other is getting married later this year. One friend is a second-generation Indian immigrant, the other is British born and bred. The two could not provide a greater contrast if they tried- one short, energetic, focused, and sharp-tongued, the other tall, laid-back, with typically English wonky teeth and an amiable manner that best expresses itself over a pint of real ale.

My first friend introduced me to his then-girlfriend about 4 years ago when I was last passing through London on a flying visit back to the US. The moment I met her, I immediately found myself wondering what my buddy had gotten himself into; she was a Latin American social worker, a 6 at best on a very very good day, a vegetarian, and frankly a bit of a hippie. I was quite civil with her, mostly out of respect for my friend, but I had some idea even then that this was not a good woman for him to be with long-term, let alone marry. Unfortunately, my friend has very little game, and is the perfect illustration of Jack Donovan's distinction between what it means to be a good man and what it means to be good at being a man. He is a decent and honourable man, and when he gives his word, he keeps it. Thus, when he proposed marriage, he fully intended to follow through with it; and now that he is married, he fully intends to stay the course of that marriage.

He's been married a little over a year and I can already see major problems in the offing. This woman went to the School of Oriental and African Studies in London, then did a postgraduate degree at the LSE. To give you a sense of perspective on what this means, my friends and I had something of an in-joke about how all of the pretend Marxists went to the LSE to become investment bankers, while all of the real Marxists went to SOAS to smoke weed and talk dialectical materialism. The LSE has a way of taking the most starry-eyed idealists from the Left (who are not much of a threat at that point) and turning them into hardened, politically savvy, genuinely dangerous operatives of the Left's social agenda. That is exactly what happened in this case. Now, my friend's wife has plans to head back to her home in South America to setup social worker networks there, and is at every point putting herself first and her marriage second. My friend can only look on in bemusement; as he said to me, "I hope she comes back". My friend's  family does NOT approve of the marriage; his mother has essentially turned her back on them both, and I know how much this has hurt my old friend. And when I learned that his now-wife had been married and divorced before, and saw how she was the one wearing the pants in that relationship, I knew that this marriage would have a very high chance of failure.

My second friend presents a complete and total contrast to the first. When I met his fiancĂ©e in London for the first time a few weeks back, I knew almost immediately that he had found the right woman. She was quiet, pleasant, feminine, and easy-going. Their compatibility and chemistry was obvious, their "sex ranks" were basically equivalent, and they clearly were in the habit of discussing major life decisions with each other. Unlike the first friend, this one has had some experience with long-term relationships and knew exactly what he was looking for in a woman. When it came time for him to figure out what he was going to do with his career, he had offers from think tanks, consultancies, and universities and made his decision based on a sit-down conversation with her, ultimately deciding to move to Wales to take up a research post at a university. It is clear that he is the leader in that relationship and she is the follower, that they care deeply about each other (without being ridiculously demonstrative about it, thank Heaven), and that our mutual friends all approve wholeheartedly of this marriage. If I am any judge of character, their marriage should be a long and very happy one.

There are clear lessons to be learned by any man contemplating a LTR or marriage. Enter into a marriage quickly or without adequate understanding of yourself and your woman, and you put everything you have worked for at risk. The dangers of marrying in haste in a feminised society are truly staggering. You face the very real possibility that in a few years' time, you will be standing in a divorce court facing a judge who will proceed to metaphorically eviscerate you with the full force and authority of the law. You face the possibility of losing your wife, your children, your home, your earnings, your wealth, your retirement, and eventually, your sanity. Marriage these days is a genuine risk here in the West, and is becoming increasingly risky in the East as well.

This doesn't mean that marriage is necessarily wrong or a bad idea. Vox Day's take on marriage is very good, and I recommend reading it if you're contemplating the subject. He has also stated unequivocally that marriage requires sacrifice, and if you are unprepared to make those sacrifices you simply should not get married. Marriage and family are unequivocally Good Things- I say this coming from a very close-knit family, derived from parents who have been married for nearly 35 years and grandparents who were married for over 60 years. But do not think for one moment that a happy marriage "simply happens". It takes work, experience, and above all game.


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