How an Introvert Can Get Into the Game

My last post on this subject, Introverts, Masterminds, and Inner Game, seemed to generate some interest. And it wasn't long before I noticed a lot of similar ideas, amplifications, and enhancements floating around various blogs that I frequent. One of them, Excavating Eden by Matt Forney, has been looking into introversion, dominance, and game for quite some time. For those introverts and recovering Betas (like me) looking to get into the game and get things done, here is a summary of how to go about things.

A word to the wise before I begin: I'm not going to pretend to be some sort of expert. I'm not. I'm a novice. All I can do is point out what seems to work and what does not. I do, however, believe in practising what I preach. For far too long, I've let the game pass me by, unable or unwilling to participate. That has to end. And that means that over the next several months, I'll be applying these lessons learned, refining my own approach, and posting about my successes and my failures here.

  1. Realise that there are no shortcuts. This is a lesson I have internalised in almost every aspect of my life except my personal life. I suppose this is partly due to my upbringing. I was raised in a very happy, close-knit Asian family. My parents met when they were children. They've been married for over 30 years. The idea of going out there and finding someone just never really occurred to me. It's even worse for many of my fellow Asians who just accept going through arranged marriages- it's just what happens, according to them. This is not what I want. There can be no skill without constant practice. This is true whether you're talking about pistol/rifle shooting, Krav Maga, powerlifting, driving, music, investing- or game. There is no such thing as a quick or easy reward. This world will not give you something that you did not earn.
  2. The fact that there are no shortcuts is a very good thing for the introvert. Hard work comes naturally to us, especially INTJ Masterminds like me. Never forget that we have the power to move mountains, should we so choose- but it must be our choice.
  3. Failure is inevitable. Accept it. Learn from it. Use it to make yourself better. Roosh's book Bang has an excellent anecdote early on about this very subject, where Roosh managed to get himself clocked by some uber-aggressive bitchy woman and subsequently became an approach machine.
  4. Strive for continuous self-improvement. Analyse every aspect of yourself. Be brutally honest in analysing your shortcomings, so that you know where to concentrate your efforts in order to improve. The moment you stop analysing, as an introvert, is the moment that you begin to decline.
  5. Look to create a style of game that suits your natural temperament. Introverts will never be extroverted personalities. It's beyond us, and trying to be that way burns us out at incredible speed. As an introvert, you thrive in small groups. Your loyalty is to your tribe- your family and your closest friends, your significant other, and your closest colleagues. Attempting to operate outside this paradigm will get you into trouble very quickly.
  6. Realise that fear is surmountable. It can be dealt with, given sufficient time, motivation, and effort.
  7. Socialise with other introverts. It's not easy, we're not exactly keen on advertising either ourselves or our introversion. But we do exist, and there are ways to find us.
This is just what I've learned so far. The next step is to challenge yourself, the way I will be challenging myself over the coming weeks, to take on approaches and document and analyse them. We INTJs are natural problem-solvers; it's what we do. One thing I realised some time ago is that the game is just another form of problem to solve- the beauty of this problem, though, is that there are multiple solutions. The fun is in finding the one that works for you.


  1. A suggestion, based on both personal and most especially professional experience: if you truly intend to modify your behavior, never again refer to yourself as an introvert, nor take pride in that wholly unscientific and useless "personality test". By doing do, you will start to weaken the verbal contingencies of reinforcement that tell you who "you" are - a label becomes a self fulfilled prophesy, as we cannot help but to live up to what we most believe in, will to change be damned (or to be more technically accurate, we must engage our environment so that it's patterns of reinforcement upon our selves changes, shaping our behavior towards our intended goal.

    1. There is nothing "useless" about a personality test that tells you what your strengths and weaknesses are. Nor is there anything to be ashamed of in being an introvert. Those who are not introverts have close to zero understanding of what being introverted is really like- and those who are introverts need to find a style of game that we are most comfortable with. Trying to run extroverted game with an introverted personality is a perfect prescription for burnout. That was rather the point of this post- to show introverts where to begin in the game.

  2. Game has put me through some of the biggest tests ever, and being an introvert probably helped. They aren't physical tests but most people would have given up when I kept going just because they would have felt weird or something. there were many solo nights where I said to myself 'just one more bar, you never know your luck'.

    I didn't really think about introverts being hard workers, I treat game as a job. I go out even when I don't feel like it because I know that's the only way to see some progress. Another fact about introverts is that they don't like sharing results or their projects until they're finished. i never tell friends about the countless approaches/rejections/sarging, just a brief mention that I had a date or got a new notch. I'm thinking of even turning that down to only talking about it if they ask.

    1. I didn't really think about introverts being hard workers, I treat game as a job. I go out even when I don't feel like it because I know that's the only way to see some progress.

      Yes, this was essentially my point. Once we accept what is required of us, those things that stop us from achieving our goals become quantifiable and hence we can overcome them.


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