A Sense of Perspective
But what makes a man have oneitis? What on earth led me to believe that she was the one that I couldn’t live without? Why would I spend the coming months feeling like death, not talking to other girls, and being so lonely for her? What is this phenomenon that makes us see one woman so differently than all the rest? Barring a few superficial differences in the way women execute sameness, they’re pretty much all the same. We’ve all been in love with “the one” before, and we’ve all lived to be in love again with the next “the one.” So what’s up with the temporary psychosis that makes us view one woman as somehow special?In 1911, Dr. Mario Ponzo described the geometrical optical illusion we now call the Ponzo Effect. This is where the human mind judges the size of an object based on its background, causing two identical objects to appear vastly different in size based on their surroundings.
Think of biggest, fullest moon you’ve ever seen, and then think of a night when the full moon seemed tiny in the sky. If you took a pencil in your hand, extended your arm, blocked out the horizon, and judged the size of the big moon and the seemingly smaller moon relative to the eraser, you’d discover they’re the same size. The moon isn’t bigger one night and smaller the next; our perception is different based on the objects surrounding it. When the horizon is in view, the moon just appears bigger, but it’s still the same distance from the earth, and it’s still the same size as on the nights it appears smaller.
That’s oneitis in a nutshell. Some women seem different than others, but only relative to their surroundings.He is, of course, correct. If you live your life surrounded by beautiful, kind, and caring women, it takes someone truly amazing to outshine all of the rest. If, however, you spend most of your time alone, or are surrounded by ugly and annoying women during your professional or personal life, then the one pretty and pleasant lass who wanders into your life is going to seem incredible by comparison. It won't matter how vapid, vain, or ill-informed she is; simply by virtue of a lack of perspective, your brain will automatically release endorphins and dopamine just from her very presence, because it has no frame of reference against which to posit a realistic comparison.
It is for exactly this reason that Neil Strauss, Mystery, and others give the advice, "F*** Ten Other Women" (FTOW) in order to get over oneitis. By being around other women, your brain will be forced to adjust, regain perspective, recalibrate itself. There are no shortcuts to this. If you're suffering from oneitis. this is the only way to cure it- not by moping around or wishing for something that, realistically, could never be, but by actively embarking on a project of self-improvement.